I have books about Nazis and serial killers, but I am neither, so there's that. Polyamory is really in right now, so it might not mean a thing. And you're not married, so that's a good thing - you can do "quick release" if you must. And, well, polyamory isn't the worst thing in the world, although it might not be for everyone. Keep an eye on him. Remember that dating is for finding out the stuff you can't live with in marriage, so this is when you want the surprises to come out.

If you really want to test it, try to find a news story or movie about polyamory. Watch it together and then fish around for his thoughts. Don't let on how you feel about it so you're more likely to get an honest reaction from him.

I wouldn't dump him, but I would want to know more. Personally, I wouldn't go through my DH's stuff, or his phone, or any of his private things, as I sure as hell wouldn't want him going through mine. But seeing as it is too late for that, I would confess to him that you did, and ask him. Sure, one can read about stuff without wanting to do it, but the subject matter suggests to me he is interested in this relationship structure. I know a few people who have gone in for polyamory, it doesn't often work, at least not for long. Relationships are too unstable when involving 3 or more people, and jealousies etc are too rife.

Ugh.

My youngest, who has sociopathic tendencies, started cheating on his longtime girlfriend/housemate. It started to become obvious, and he wasn't willing to quit the cheating, so he backpedalled by claiming polyamory was part of his philosophy on life, almost a sacred religion to him, and she would have to deal with it. But his gf really was into monogamy and didn't want to have sex with anyone else. Of course, DS would get mad and throw a fit if she invited a guy friend over to just watch a movie.

She was miserable, and I was pissed and sorry for her. DD knew all of this was going on and was the one who told me. DD was disgusted.

They broke up and she moved out. I wonder if DS is faithful to his new gf, or if his strong religious beliefs have changed in the last six months.

I read up on subjects of interest to me, and polyamory is not one of them, because I would never entertain that type of relationship, so why would I be curious? I find it disgusting. I'm pretty sure if he is reading about it, he must have an interest. Red flag.

Bring it up and say you've been interested in it yourself. See what he says. After all, if he's really interested in having relationships with other women, he shouldn't object at all to you having relationships with other men. My boss is a Mormon, though he's not that type of Mormon. He has mentioned that he can see the pros of that kind of marriage. I asked if he would be okay with his wife having multiple husbands. Of course, he went on a long lecture about biology, morals, etc. I wanted to say - Dude, if you are okay with it, but you're not okay with your wife being okay with the same kind of relationship that you want, then you're nothing more that a pervy hypocrite. I will never understand why men think it's cool but would never want their wife/girlfriend to do the same exact thing.

Polyamoury has nothing to do with cheating. Finding his book is a good opportunity to start a conversation about what he thinks of the book and for you to learn about polyamoury.

Don’t freak out. Try just talking to him. Then you could try reading the book to learn about something that you don’t know much about.

I cannot confront him about it, because I would not want him to know that I went through his things.

Why did you go through his things?

I think you are going to have to fess up and talk to him about it. How are you going to sleep and go on in this relationship, otherwise? It will always be floating around in your head. But, there must be some mistrust there, already, if you went through his things (as opposed to finding the book while you were putting his things away).

I couldn't keep my mouth shut if I found this. I would confront him. Being honest about things is what builds a good foundation in a relationship. If you found this and don't talk to him about this you are not being honest. Talk to him.

Nothing wrong with looking.

Our friends wife packs and unpacks his clothing, always.

Now my dh would never think to have me pack his bags.

OP I would ask him. OR Turn on Sister Wives on TV I would love to see his reaction.

}:)

A book on polyamory and condoms falling out of his pocket...yeah something is going on. He's probably having his fun on the side and telling everyone that you're a polyamorous couple or in an open relationship.

I'm not making judgments about anyone's personal lifestyle choices but if a couple chooses this path they both have to be on the same page about it. If one part of the couple is in an poly relationship but the other is not it's called cheating.

Polyamory..hmmm..I would come up with some sort of test to measure the amount of interest hes got.
Some suggestions are quite good.
On the other hand whats the harm in telling him you saw the book and starting a discussion that way?
My philosophy on anything:
If he wants to do it/is doing (whatever he wants) then I am free to do whatever I want.
When I found out one of my boyfriends had a livein fiance and child 2 days before my bday(yup...!!!)I didn't call or confront him.
When he came bearing(cheapass gasstation begotten)gifts for my birthday(and tried to get some--eeww) I got on the phone with my friend and told her" CARA IS FREE! Bahahaha!"
It scared him so much he never came back lol.

Has to be something fishy if someone had a condom on them if not using them with SO and had a supply of them somewhere for his SO
Man don’t like to use condom they only use the because they have to.
Polyamory Is multiple wife’s, but all wife know each other. They live with each other, play together,
Maybe this is porn ish to him

Omg...I just read the condom/hooker part.
Have you gone to the obgyn?
Please please say yes...If not run!
(This has nothing to do with trust but with your health)

Rule number one of polyamory is always keep open communication with your partners. If he is interested in this lifestyle, then he needs to be able to talk about it with you. It's possible he is just interested in the topic and doesn't want to participate. However, if he is already "participating" without talking to you, he is just cheating.

It is also possible that he is struggling with or looking to fully express his sexuality. It at not be women he is interested in outside of you. That doesn't mean it's okay for him to have sex with others, but it does change any future conversations slightly IF you are interested in the lifestyle with him.

Basically, you now know and can talk to him about it (admitting why you looked, which is that you don't trust him), you can stay silent and let this fester (you'll end up trusting him less and less), or you leave (not trusting him and not wanting to talk to him about it is plenty good reason to end it).

I know a lady whose husband was in that life style for entire 25-30 years of marriage. When he was on business trip (which was monthly) he was hooking up with groups that did orgies. She only discovered it by chance. She was picking him up in the airport as a surprise and he was there with another woman. So she started digging. When truth came out, he didn't even deny it.

Be careful. Go see your ob/Gyn