Thank you for the feedback. There is nothing I can talk to about to DH, he will dismiss me as "unreasonable" and he basically does not allow me to give feedback and he refuses to participate in two way conversations and problem solving. And he could care less if DD and I do our own trip! He puts no limitations on me that way, I can do whatever I want/go wherever I want and he wants the same thing for himself, i.e. no questions asked. I have asked him more than once why he wants to be married!! He just seems to want to do his own thing with SD. I think he originally wanted to remarry to make a "family" for SD but it didn't work out that way.
He did not actually exclude us from the spring break trip but I declined to attend due to the logistic sof the travel schedule, which my younger daughter would not tolerate well and I'd bear the brunt of it.
I'd love to invite some friends to come with me and DD this summer but honestly, none of my friends can afford it and they all have "normal" families and vacation together
It is hard to be me, can I just have a big pity party? Like I said, money doesn't buy happiness. I was much happier at other times in my life when I didn't have these blended family issues and I had much less disposable income.

Catmom I couldn't agree with you more! It blows my mind that SD wants to spend all her time here with DH. The minute she walks in the door she says "Where's Daddy?". She is actually a sweet girl and really not that bratty, a little entitled but not extremely so. Its not her fault that DH puts her first is it?

Beacountable, I took DD to Animal Kingdom lodge and on a Disney Cruise last summer (by myself, DH chose not to attend). DD is not a big fan of Disney, too overwhelming.

Ripley, DH is willing to take our younger daughter for me to go away alone. But he does not tolerate her behaviors well, does not follow the behavior plan the therapists have recommended for her, forgets to give her her meds, etc. So she is miserable when she is with him. Last night she talked back to him (a frequent occurrence, part of her behavior issues) and he slapped her across the top of the head, hard. This is the kind of stuff he does with her, tries to get her to regulate herself by fear based parenting, physical force, etc. I have no problems with traditional parenting, and in fact was the biggest fan until I had my own SN child and realized that these type kids don't respond to spankings, etc and there are other ways of dealing with it. He doesn't get it and insists on a Dr Spock approach that backfires.

I agree that losing my dignity is not worth $$$. But its hard to think extracting myself from this situation and having DD spend every other weekend with him if he wanted that.

Ok I am listening to all this advice. But one last thing....my daughter really really loves SD, they are sisters after all. She adores her big sister. If we divorced then it would be very messy as far as how to get my daughter and SD together to visit. But SD is going to college next year so I guess they won't see much of each other anyway.

Sueu, you are very harsh. It is NOT all about the money. First and foremost it is about my DD. If I did not have her, I would have left him long ago. She is adopted and had trauma as a baby before we adopted her. She has already lost a birth family. I don't take it lightly to tear our family apart. I supported myself for years in a high level career and I have no qualms about my ability to be independent. Yes I am complaining but this board is also a place for people to vent their feelings. And I don't hate my SD, I never used that term and never would. She is not the problem, its how DH treats me. I have valued the input of every person here until I read your comments. Don't be so judgmental and don't put words like "hate" in my mouth.