SLAM! Giving back what SD puts out

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I am disengaged from SD27 as much as possible as she does not now, nor ever did, want to get to know me and develop even a basic friendly relationship.

I never ever hear from her, except once a year she sends a text on my birthday and that's only because her father REMINDS her.

Likewise, years ago I decided to only communicate to her on her birthday, too, since every other time I texted her she ignored me. (And those other text were SOOOO bothersome and frequent [sarcasm] ... approximately two or three times a year, and mostly some info about her father I thought she would like to know.) She ignored me every time.

Except on her own birthday, when I would send her a pleasant text saying something like, "Happy Birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day and do something fun to celebrate - any plans?" I would get back ... "Thanks." Nothing more.

So she sent me a birthday text recently and made some comment about all of us getting together to celebrate my birthday (which is code word for a free deluxe meal paid for by her dad, where we all get to listen to her monologue about her life - you know, essentially be the audience for the narcissist.)

And let's not forget her standard generic or re-gifted present. (Things like a bar of soap or a pair of clown-shoe sized polka-dotted slippers when she knows I have small feet.) This has happened year after year after year and I am sick of it. Not my idea of a "celebration" for MY birthday.

So this time I took a page out her book and I texted back, "Thanks."

Now I just have to convince my SO that he is more than welcome to go out to dinner with her and her new lap-dog husband, but leave me out of it. There is no intent to "celebrate" my birthday so no need for me to go.

I am getting older, crankier and less tolerant of B.S. It feels good.

I have never texted my SDs-

I have never texted my SDs- on my birthday this year I was spared OSD's company because she was on holiday. I haven't seen her for three months. Last time I saw her she gave me a kiss-guess she was trying out being nice for a change. It didn't work. That woman is outta ma life!

It's the little things, isn't

It's the little things, isn't it? }:) }:) }:)
All you're doing is mirroring her behavior. And it's glorious!

2T4D good for you! doesnt it

2T4D good for you!

doesnt it feel wonderful to back off all the way and disengage? your reply of "thanks" was priceless. i know first hand about those deluxe meals as an excuse to get the father to pay. you were perceptive to see it was not about your birthday but a chance for a fine dinner and to make herself the centre of attention since your husband probably would have forgotten you were present.

Not once has the skids wished

Not once has the skids wished me happy birthday and trust me they know when it is.
Every year I did card and gift. Then two years ago just card. Then last year just a text. This year nothing. I have decided to give them what they give me...nothing. Saving money on this end! Do you think they even noticed?

same here. The same year

same here. The same year that the Girhippo got the skids to lie against us on the fake CPS report, they rejected our gifts for Christmas
That was pretty much the Last Straw.

the skids only send me

the skids only send me birthday greetings when dh reminds them. i would rather not have them send me messages at all.

its insincere so i can do without it.

I Am Totally With You On This

SS25 never acknowledges my birthday, so I now do not acknowledge his. Even when DH took us out to celebrate, I did not wish him a happy birthday, but talked about what a good meal it was and such a nice day. Two can play that game.

I don't do "wishing you well"

I don't do "wishing you well" with my SD56, or any members of her immediate family.

I also got tired of the yard sale gifts and rancid lotion, with yard sale stickers still attached.

Good for you. After

Good for you. After years of being treated like s**t by my SDs, I give them about as much consideration as they give me. If either of them ever texts or messages me (which is as rare as hen's teeth) usually to say Happy Birthday, I say "thanks" and no xxx. I don't "like" their Facebook posts and I don't go to their events, like graduation.
Re-gifted presents or just plain old secondhand c**p - tell me about it! I just posted on another thread about a gift I once got from the SDs of a tiny bottle of old vinegar, covered in dust, that had almost certainly sat at the back of NPD BM's cupboard for years.

Oh yeah....SM's do not get

Oh yeah....SM's do not get gifts in "their family." You cannot make it up, so since I am not family, no need to seeing the selfish pieces of work any longer. Pathetic people. No way to like them, they seriously make it impossible.

i wrote a thread on

i wrote a thread on disengagement and gifts and now i have so much more money to spend on myself. no regrets.

SugarSpice: I like the "no

SugarSpice: I like the "no more stress" for no more holiday buying. Absolutely free of it!

Good for you!! Since I

Good for you!! Since I disengaged, I no longer text the skids happy birthday. In fact, I no longer remind DH when it's a skid's birthday!! No contact; no stress. It's lovely!

Doesn't it feel wonderful? I

Doesn't it feel wonderful?

I had the honor of "raising" my SD until at 19 she decided to walk away from "free tuition" at a private university, claim to have a "mental" breakdown from being dumped by a boy friend of three months, and who decided she could "finally" be "allowed" to go live with her mommy since her life was in shambles. Nothing ever stopped her from living with her mom, except her mom. Last year during the holiday's she decided to tell her dad off in the middle of a shopping center. He did nothing to her, just Mommy Dearest filling her head up with more lies and jaded perceptions. She was always used to be the center of attention and getting whatever she wanted, when she wanted it. First class spoiled, entitled BRAT.

From the minute she left, I felt at peace. Like a giant black cloud was lived from our home. After a few unfriendly comments on photos I posted of her siblings who still lived with us, I deleted her from my Facebook. Call it childish, but nearing 50, I am not in the mood to put up with her antics. If you can't exercise the basics of civility and manners...I have no use for any of it. Sounds so harsh, but it is true. I found the less I try to be kind and bend over backwards, the less I am setting myself up for her to have the opportunity to be hateful, resentful, bitter and callous towards me and my children.

Disengaging is the only way to survive in a blended family with SKIDs who no matter the age of adulthood just want to cause problems!

lol! i disengaged and i feel

lol! i disengaged and i feel so much better.

one of the sds sounds like yours. walked away from a paid university degree and launched into a conveyor belt of lovers. after being a college drop out she was fired from having an affair at work with a supervisor.

bm never taught this young woman life skills 101.

OK, 2Tired, I don't know if

OK, 2Tired, I don't know if you're serious about that bar of soap...but I actually DID get a regifted bar of soap from SD one Christmas. It was during that weird period when she didn't just ignore me altogether.

Could we possibly have the SAME SD??? :jawdrop:

The soap she gave me was

The soap she gave me was actually not used - BUT ... I think it was one of those "free with a purchase" kind of things. I'm sure it was something someone gave her or she just had it laying around. It certainly wasn't anything that she went out and got with me in mind.

Honestly, the slippers were the best. Got those last year. They were outrageously large. I'm a 6 1/2 and SD knows it because she tried on a pair of my shoes one time, and she couldn't fit in them since she is a size 8. She actually commented on how small my feet were.

So I can only hazard a guess where she got the slippers. Let me describe these gems for you, so you have the full picture: They were HUGE (at least a size 10) and were made of faux fur. The color was sh!t brown, with nickle-sized large white polka dots on them. No tag on them, no identifying makers marks, etc. If I could hazard a guess, they could have been left behind by a patient in the hospital she works at. I can imagine that when she saw them left behind, she probably exclaimed, "Super! My gift for 2Tired is DONE - all taken care of!"

I actually took those slippers into work. I didn't provide any background but simply asked other women if they had been given them as a Christmas gift, how would they have reacted?

They were all pretty much the same - laughter at their first look at them, then indignant shock that someone would actually gift this to me. One of them actually thought they were a gag gift - like find the ugliest slipper kind of deal.

When they asked who, I told them SD26. 'Nuff said.

Well, I guess you could have

Well, I guess you could have gotten something worse she found leftover at the hospital...like...afterbirth!

These crazy kids! Gotta laugh at it!

my sd gifted me with a dying

my sd gifted me with a dying house plant.

the poor thing must have been dying of neglect and it was beyond help by the time she stuffed it into a gift bag and gave it to me.

class act.

well, don´t expect anything

well, don´t expect anything from her. And about the soap, please throw it away. Only God knows where it came from...
And of course do not include her any more in your celebrations. A nice and romantid dinner for you and DH will be great!
Or you can celebrate with your friends (brunch, tea)
In my case, SD is still young. I go out with DH for dinner on my night, and during the weekend I celebrate wih my best friends.