Bio will never let DH have extra non court ordered time with Stepkids
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Bio will NEVER let DH have extra non court ordered time with Stepkids. Which it is what it is... That is the court order and that is fine. BUT, BIO wants to get a video game Step Son and have my DH purchase the same video game so they can play online together. If she wanted Stepson to spend extra time with his father ~ wouldn't in person real time be better than a video game? But, She will not allow this.
I can't help but think this is BIO trying to control my husbands time when we do not have the kids. Keeping him from doing things with me. Am I reading into this too much? I tend to do this... and think she is always up to something and she usually is!
I don't know if you can
I don't know if you can speculate about BM's specific motivations, but I think she is definitely trying to control the situation.
In my case, BM tells DH he's "intruding" on her time if he wants to even just talk with the kids outside of his visitation (EOWE), but when she needs someone to cover one of her weekends or any time during the week, she turns around and tells him he's a terrible father for not wanting to see the kids more or not caring that he doesn't see them more. If DH's family is having an event on a weekend that isn't his time, he basically has to tell BM how wonderful she is and promise her a bunch of favors in order to SSs to be able to attend. She's a manipulative b&tch and the best way to approach dealing with her is to just following the plan to the letter of the law.
In your case, BM is not in a position to tell DH he should buy a video game so he can play online with the children. If your DH wants to buy that game on his own and play with the children, that's his choice. She needs to realize that she has no say in your DH's life anymore because she is his EX. Your DH needs to respond by ignoring any "suggestions" from her on what he should do.
Kids go online and game in
Kids go online and game in groups with their friends and family. It’s normal for lazy moms to leave them on the games console instead of spending time with them. Your DH is going to be a remote babysitter.
The BM in my situation is the
The BM in my situation is the same way about not letting my husband have extra time with SD9. Their court order is a joke because it says something to the effect of:
HUSBAND will be given extra time with SD "as agreed upon by HUSBAND and BM"
So when my husband asks to have SD for an extra weekend here or there, BM always says no and she's not doing anything wrong since they aren't in agreement. I told him next time their court order is amended, he needs to ask his lawyer to have it changed to be more specific - maybe say that he gets 4 extra weekends each year that are outlined ahead of time.
But yeah, your BM is being ridiculous too. Why can't your SS just hang out with his dad in person? They could still play video games if they wanted but at least they'd be spending time together in the same room.
Your DH isn't obligated to
Your DH isn't obligated to buy the game to play with his son. BM is controlling nothing. All she is saying is that she's willing to share her time with your DH and let him share one of SS's hobbies on her time. I don't see much difference between them building a world together online versus making a puzzle or gluing a model airplane together.
BS! BM is totally trying to
BS!
BM is totally trying to control and manipulate the time that OPs DH spends with SS.
If he says no, I don't want to play online with you right now, then you know damn well BM is going to spin it that DH is being a terrible father.
The thing is, tho, that it's
The thing is, tho, that it's not the DH's time, its BMs and the DH is asking for the kid on her time. DH is inserting himself into BM's time with the kid and she's being painted as the bad guy when she offers a compromise to keep the kid in her home on her time and still allow DH to have playtime.
That is bs
That is bs soneofabrisketmaker....if mom wants to compromise why not give dad more overnights.
she is playing bothsides of the cs pile of $$
1. child is occupied by dad in custodial moms home when she should be doing something constructive with him OR playing with him.
2. no change in overnights for mom AND she is getting paid for it too.
Mom should MOM UP and give the boy to dad if she doesn't want to be a parent on her time.
"child is occupied by dad in
"child is occupied by dad in custodial moms home when she should be doing something constructive with him OR playing with him."
This is a joke, right?
So all the SMs here that complain about SKs not being able to entertain themselves are wrong? The dad's SHOULD be playing with or doing something constructive with the kids during every moment of visitation.
Simple solution, then. Dad
Simple solution, then. Dad goes back to court and gets more time. But then he's working and SM is stuck with a sullen little Jr. glued to video games.
This BM can't win, can she? If she refuses extra time she's a jerk, if she compromises she's an inattentive mom gathering all that free CS, if she gives in and let's the biodad have more time outside of court order, she's dumping her responsibilities. Tough crowd.
This is 10000% true. It will
This is 10000% true. It will give her one more thing to bad mouth him to the kids ~ when he is too busy with step mom to play video games every night with the kids. I know it will be complete guilt trip EVERY TIME he is not able to play with him. And all it will do is hurt Stepson.
Yes, BM is definitely trying
Yes, BM is definitely trying to manipulate and control your DH.
The sad thing is that he will probably fall for it and not see it as manipulation. He will only see her explanation of a way that he and SS can play together and be together without being in the same room.
You know that if DH ever chooses you, or going out, or eating a family dinner, or watching a movie over playing online, BM will be calling him a looser who doens't want to bond with his child.
And on the flip side if mom
And on the flip side if mom agrees to give dad extra time, many SMs will label her a POS parent. She will be viewed as the lazy ass who cares more about her social life than spending time with her children.
There has to come a time when both sides says enough. It has to be pretty damn exhausting to spend your life thinking everything your ex does is intended to control or manipulate you.
((SORRY)) you not reading too
((SORRY)) you not reading too much into this. Do not underestimate a females intuition.
1. Court orders of visitation are to be used AS a guide. IF dad requests more time BM should give it too him. Courts assume and expect she will. Sadly some BM's do not and dads do not fight for what they 'could' get.
Regarding the video game...I would say NO To dh buying it and NO to playing dueling pianos with ss at bm's and dh at his home.
TELL bm she can buy the game and SEND his station during visitation. THEN dh and SS can be in separate rooms and play LOL.
"BM if ss and I want to play when he is with me that is going to be my decision. IF you want him to play MORE with me during his time WITH YOU (your getting cs for this too bm) then lets change visitation". FRANKLY bm you should be spending time with our son on your time, not sticking him on play station playing with ME.
IF he caves he is looking for big trouble IF and when she calls/or has ss call begging for DH to play.
When he says he is busy with household stuff, BM will likely tell SS---I guess dad doesn't want to play with you, he is too busy with so and so. IT"S ok Son, mom would play with you if it was the other way around.
YES they say stuff like this.
It not a good idea to have DH do this stuff to BM and in BM'S house either. IF roles were reversed. My thoughts are not anti bm...they are anti bs and anti games, manipulation played.
Court ordered child support
Court ordered child support should be used as a guide. If BM asks for more child support, biodad should give it to her.
Completely True! So very sad.
Completely True! So very sad. And DH thinks she's just trying to be nice and let him bond with him. I know she is pure evil. She is not trying to be nice at all. It is another way to hurt everyone.
BM might be trying to control
BM might be trying to control DH's time, but what is DH dong about it?
The problem is not BM, the problem would be your DH, if the both of you agree SS can get the game, will DH be an adult about it and responsible, or will he tell you, sorry can't go out to dinner in case my son want's to play online? WIll DH tell you sorry we can't have sex cause I'm waiting for son to play online...
This would be a problem, BM wants the game for her son, so he can keep himself busy on line and she added the guilt trip with DH saying - this way you can spend more time with him.... simply to get the game, she does not mean any of it, she wants the game and kid can play on it for hours, whith whom is not her issue..
so think carefully how will your DH act once the game is there