Again with disrespect
Dear all,
Even though I tried all the techniques I have read in this forum, I had a terrible day last Saturday.
As usual, SD ignored me, did not greet me and did not answer my questions, I told my husband that it was enough for me after 8 years. He asked me: why I had that attitude, and that I knew things were just like this. Obviosly no solution and also minimizing the problem and my feelings, he also was angry and shouted at me. Very violent.
After that I was so sad and upset, and I could not recover from this episode until next day, I really cried and felt terrible, did not know what to do. I left for a few hours, and I realized I was really depressed, could not stop crying.
This is the first time I could not handle my emotions. This rollercoaster has to end. Now I feel so empty and mistreated.
Divorce is almost not possible, we recently bought a house, and my savings are there.
I dreamt about a Tsunami yesterday, and it was terryfing, like what is going on in my life these days.
Feels like reading my own
Feels like reading my own story....
Sorry you are going through this too. We also just bought a house. The disrespect from SD is unreal. The entitlement. The disrespect to her own mother.
Meanwhile my bio kids have a horrible life with their mother and I'm living 2 hours away putting up with shitty step kids who have the best of everything
thanks for your comment, I
thanks for your comment, I don´t feel so alone now. Knowing I am not the only one going through this horrible situation.
Support was so important for me in this group. Sometimes you get different opinions, and it really helps to manage the situation. LOL
IF your husband is violent
IF your husband is violent then call the police.
I think the disrespect
I think the disrespect increases after you purchase property together, for some odd reason. Even your mate is more likely to take advantage of you, like you have an expectation to do for HIS kids-- even though he openly gives them permission to disrespect you. It feels ... like "you are stuck now"... now you have to take it, but we really do not have to take this torture treatment at all. You own a home together, that is all; not these nasty disrespectful kids he and his dysfunctional ex created. It will always be easier for a doormat to blame you than to correct kids he has ZERO control and influence. This whole scenerio is about his poor parenting, but he refuses to believe it and he may never. If they are 18 or older they can launch, not certain what age you are dealing with here.
Nobody deserves to be disrespected in their own home and if this SD is rude to you, you have every right to give back what she/he throws your way and more (in your own home). If somebody is purposely making my life miserable, though it is nothing natural, I think you/we have to stand up for yourself and make them wish THEY were not there in YOUR home. If they are treating you like this in your home, stop making them comfortable ( ie, play loud opera music, statutes of weird things they hate, whatever it takes do it-play the game too), until EVERYBODY gets the message., no more. You have to play hardball with a disney daddeee, stop speaking to them at all, they do not deserve your kindness, be just as rude as they are...take nothing from any one of them. If husband walks, you are better off than in this sickly enmeshed environment and you will get through it, and he takes his SD with him :-). Oh, stop crying and get angry, no more wasted tears...use your energy and emotion to create your new environment at home...lol.
Husband may not ever get it, but if you are not around the nastiness you will be much better off, seriously. He will have to accept you are not taking it any longer when you give as good as you get. If his delightful child finally decides not to come over, Yahooo... maybe he will figure out why, one day. Or, maybe not...either way if they stay away, you are the clear winner of a healthier home.
Yes, the idea of buying a
Yes, the idea of buying a house, was because we rented, and it was convenient for us. I had a baby a year ago,and we needed more space. I almost die in the last c-section, and when I left the hospital it was clear for me all I wanted was peace and a nice environment at home for my children.
I was on maternity leave for about a year as well and I began to work again a few months ago (The baby was at the hospital for several months, born with 28 weeks)
We have 3 kids together: (1, 4 and 6 years old). SD is 12, and therapy is not helping at all.
Well, I will consider now all my options in case of divorce: selling the house and getting back my money or my DH keeps the house and pays me 50% of the house, that is possible.
Thank you for taking your time to read me and for your advice, really appreciate it!!
SD is 12 and she began also
SD is 12 and she began also having trouble at school and a bad relationship with BM and her new BF.
I was pregnant, we had a baby
I was pregnant, we had a baby a year ago and we needed more space, this was a convenient way to invest. Where I live, Argentina, there was a recession and a crisis that affected the real state operations for about 6 years. When we had the opportunity, after this crisis, we bought a house. I got back to work and we live in a beutiful place, I thought things were going to get better.
I haven't been following your
I haven't been following your story, but to me it sounds like you are trying too hard. Stop trying to talk to SD. She sounds like an unpleasant little brat. Avoid her like the disease she is. Do something that makes you happy.
thank you, I wil try avoid
thank you, I wil try avoid any contact with her. The real awful moment is when we have dinner, she does not speak,ignores everyone, barely speaks if anyone asks her anything (sisters, brother, DH).
I think she is evil, and a sociopat.
So it is not just you she is
So it is not just you she is nasty to. If I were you, I would see what a miserable person she is and enjoy her being miserable.
My SD13 was throwing tantrums at every meal, so now I will never dine with her again. Have a separate meal for you and your kids. Or calmly pick up her plate and let her eat alone in another room. She doesn't want to eat with the family. Give her what she wants.
Yes, I do so, we have dinner
Yes, I do so, we have dinner early, before she arrives. The only meal I cannot avoid is lunch on Sundays, we are all together, and believe me it´s a real nightmare.
Thanks God, my DH travels for about 3 weeks now, so I will have my free time from this nasty person.
I have a similar situation.
I have a similar situation. My 2 DDs & I live with my boyfriend & his son. My boyfriend is a fireman so he works 24 on, 48 off which means that there are days that his son is at the house with just me & my 2 DDs. I have a full time job. When I get home from work & my boyfriend is still at the fire station, his son will ignore me the entire time. He will only talk to me if I say something to him but it's usually just one word sentences & sometimes he won't even answer me. This morning he was in the kitchen & wouldn't say a word to me. He waited until my DD11 came out of the bathroom & then asked her if he could have some gold fish to take to school even though I was right there next to the pantry where the gold fish are. Ugh! I never know when he walks out of the house either to go wait for the school bus because he never tells anyone anything. I've mentioned it to my boyfriend about how irritated I get when his son acts like that & he just tells me that his son just likes his space & that I need to try to engage him more.
OMG,I thought it only
OMG,I thought it only happened with Daddy and mini wives, terrible what you describe, and similar to my situation. My nerves are broken, so I do not have much to tell you. I will run If I´d had a chance. I know it´s time to concentrate on my happiness and my kids!
I hate when they say that WE
I hate when they say that WE need to "try more". It's like no matter what we do it isn't enough, and spawn can not possibly be at fault.
I would consult a lawyer
I would consult a lawyer about divorce, even if you think it isn’t possible right now. They might be able to help you work on a plan to get there.
You will feel better when you know that you have options. If things work out and improve, you don’t have to follow through with the divorce, but knowing you are not stuck will liberate you from feeling so powerless by your rude sd and useless husband.
Also, try reading up about disengagement. It might help with your frustrations.
Yes, good idea. I will do
Yes, good idea. I will do that.
I had a talk with my DH yesterday, and we both agree that BM is angry and upset because we moved, we are 30 minutes now by car from their home (before only 15).
And BM expected us to move near them. BM and DH barely speak to each other and they have minimum contact by cellphone/messages.
So the war of silence and mistreatment has began.