Hi all,

I have been married to my husband for 5 years and his 2 teenage children have recently moved in with us full time. They now no longer see their mother at all. Recently, SD15's behaviours have started to interfere with our lives and I have come here to seek some advice as to how we can help her. These behaviours make me very uncomfortable and DH, SS17 and I are really at our wits end as to what to do as she just doesn't seem to be 'getting it'. These behaviours include:

* Extreme lack of personal hygiene that has been going on for years. SD15 is nearly 16 and has to be told without fail every day to brush her teeth, get in the shower/wash her hair. At almost 16, it simply isn't normal.

* Persistent lying regarding her bad behaviour and making excuses for it such as claiming she had forgotten.

* I sadly had a miscarriage last week and went into hospital for surgery. SD15 called her father when I was in a taxi home after the procedure saying that she was sick and needed to come home from school. DH called me and I had to detour in the taxi to pick her up from school. Turns out she WAS NOT sick and had been lying presumably because she needed attention during this time where she saw me getting attention during the miscarriage.

* Inappropriate boundaries with SS17 such as 'needing' to use the bathroom whilst he is having a shower. I personally think it is strange for post-pubescent adolescents to want to see each other naked. SS17 is not comfortable with this.

* Inability to get into a routine and resistant to change.

We have had SD15 in counselling, I would just like advice as to whether we approach this with caution and sympathy or kick her up the ass and be direct.