Tell your mom to stuff it. Take up a hobby that you've always been interested in. Can you travel and experience something new and exotic? Maybe join the peace corps to help other people for a year or two? If you are childless and your husband is not, are you working to support his kids? If so, maybe it's time to knock that off.

"I'm not even sure what the purpose of me being here is." I'm not sure if this line from your post means you are not sure why you are in your relationship or if you're not sure why you exist. If it is the latter, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Do you want kids? I know it is a cliche, but if you do there are other options available. Have you and your DH considered adoption?

If you don't want kids, quit worrying about it. It may be different in the area you are in, but in most parts of the country it is perfectly normal and acceptable for a woman to be childless.

You said you were medicated - do you have a psychiatrist? Have you considered some talk therapy to help you put things in perspective?

Don't feel guilty about feeling bad because others have it worse. These problems are personally yours and it is ok to think they are important - because they are to you!

Does anything make you happy? Think back to when you were younger, maybe even as a kid - was there something you really liked to do that you haven't done in a long time? Try taking it up again. You sound depressed. Try exercising and getting outside a bit - it will help.

at some point in time you have to make yourself your own priority. your mothers opinions are hers and your have you own idea what you want in life.

dont let her use her illness to guilt you into any thing.

you have a lot of life stresses now with sick parent, the approach of mid life and maybe mourn your two misscarriages.

i recommend, with care, that you seek counseling. you will feel better talking to a professional.

there is more to life than having children as many of us here can safely say.

adoption is always a possibility as there are many children who are orphans who need loving homes. you can open your heart to a child in need. you dont need a bio in order to be fulfilled as an adult.

I know many women both in my family and at work that do not have children because of medical issues. And you know what? At times I thought that they were the lucky ones.
I will use my family member as an example. They have more money to enjoy their life than I will ever have. Any extra money that I had went to education, extra curricular activities for the children, clothing for the children etc. They both dress so fashionably. I am still wearing clothes from forever ago. They travel the world. They follow their favorite sports team from town to town. They have a beautiful home and nice things. I envy them. I love my children but at times I would long for that life. Plus they have never had all of the stresses of parenting. They can pick up and go at the drop of a dime.
As someone that has suffered from depression in the past (I was on medication) I know how difficult it is to not focus on what is depressing you. I know how difficult it is to erase bad/depressing thoughts from your mind. What helped me was not my therapist but I would try to redirect my thoughts. I would only watch comedies that would make me laugh. I would listen to music and sing along. I would look up comedy clubs or other events that would take my mind off of my problems. I simply just kept myself busy. I would organize my house and everything in it. And lastly I would go to church although I have to admit that it made me sad and I cried there but when I would leave I would kind of feel like a burden was lifted.
I know that your main thought these days is to give birth to your own child and as others said there are options or you could just accept that this isn't in the cards for you but there are so many out there that would love to have you in their life as a friend or as a mentor. I am sad to read about your Mother but have you shared with her how sad it makes you when she brings up the fact of you not having children. I am sure that if she knew that she was hurting you when she said those things she would stop.
As far as your job, start actively seeking another or maybe another within your organization or have a heart to heart with your immediate boss about the things that make you unhappy at work.
I have been unhappy in my job and it was all because of one person. Out of the blue they left and I have never, ever been happier at work. It is amazing how one person can make you so miserable at work.
Plan a trip for you and your husband. The planning alone will redirect your thoughts. Once you get away and experience new things it will do wonders. I was always so focused on the money that we didn't have for vacations that for 10 years we never did anything. Then one day I was speaking to my Aunt who is almost 90. She said go, enjoy your life, you are still working and you will make the money back. It is true, I have a credit card that I use for trips only and as soon as it is paid off I book another trip.
As my grandma used to always say "It's a great life if you don't weaken". Stay strong and post on here as often as you need to. It really helps just to vent!

I agree that you should look for a good therapist. I think your mom's words and just having a SD makes it that much harder for you.

I have a very good friend who is now 53, and is unmarried without children. She wanted children in the worst way. I first met her nearly 15 years ago after she had a nervous breakdown following an abortion she had. She wanted the baby, but her boyfriend at the time adamantly did not want it, so she aborted the baby for him since she would not have been able to support the child, and she of course regretted it. A couple years later (with the same man) she became pregnant again and refused an abortion. Shortly after she had a miscarriage, and was told she most likely would never be able to carry a baby to term. She was devastated.

She has always hoped to meet someone who would be willing to adopt with her, but it hadn't happened. She does have a full life, she went back to school, and now works with homeless veterans in Los Angeles. Sometimes she gets sad and cries to me that her life didn't turn out the way she hoped it would. It breaks my heart when she says that. She just sent me a post card from Hawaii...I'm the jealous one! She's my fashion buddy, so we send each other great gifts on birthdays and holidays. She is on anti-depressants and sees a therapist. I think that helps her.

Some of your post remind me of my father who is extremely depressed. He is 80 and my mother passed away 10 years ago. He is very feeble (RA, Parkinson's, strokes) and feels he has nothing to live for. He has us children, and he still feels this way. I think if the depression in his case and OP's were helped, life could feel more meaningful, and some happiness could be found.

It sounds like you are in a very rough place right now. If you need help or are thinking of self harm, do take Notsure's advice and call the National Suicide Prevention Line. Don't let your mother make her demons yours. There are many ways to live ones life, and although sometimes we all feel stuck, it's only a feeling. We always have options.

I am also child free. It allows me, as others have said, much more flexibility in my life. But it's not like you have to give up meaningful relationships with children. I've been involved in the lives of many kids - early in my career I worked as a camp counselor, I taught in a public school system for 10 years, and have taught part time at a college level. Now, it's my nieces, nephews and my SO's kids. So you can be involved and make a difference in young people's lives.

Plus, I give them a different perspective on how life can be lived.

I struggle with the perspective that people without children or whose children are grown have their best days behind them. Change that. My best day is never behind me if I wake up each morning. Ever.

It is disturbing to me that you are attributing your worth to your breeding ability. A biological process is nothing to gain either pride or shame from IMHO. My pancreas doesnt work and hasnt for more than 35 years. I have no shame about that. It is a biological process that is beyond my control just as having children is a biological process beyond your control. What is within my control is allowing my disease to limit my quality of life. I could dive into death by cheesecake if I made that choice or I can make choices that allow me to live my best day every day and keep the prospect of even better days each tomorrow. Now I feel that some appropriately chirpy and syrupy (pun intended) Disney tune should cue in the background.

If being a mother is your goal you can do that in multiple ways that do not necessitate that you be able to procreate. If that is what you want... then do it.

However, being a parent does not have to be the be all and end all of adulting. It has never been for me or for my wife though we are proud of our kid (my SKid, I have no BKs). I tend to land on the fact that having a child is something that the overwhelming population can do and that sadly includes people with no redeeming qualities about them at all. It is sad that good people (like you) sometimes can't while useless wastes of skin often can degrade the human genome by procreating. That does not change the fact that you are good person with much to be proud of and contribute and they remain useless wastes of skin and will likely raise their own children to be the same.

Let me do a quick inventory of Danelle from what I can discern from your OP.

1. You earn a good living. You can certainly do that in a place you prefer if you take action to find a place you would prefer to work. This is a good thing if you make no change and a much better thing is out there if you make the choice to pursue it.

2. You have a husband who though you indicate he does not understand your feelings about not having a child of your own, does apparently understand that you struggle with this. Engage with him to work through it. He may never understand why you feel how you feel but he can certainly recognize that you do have those feelings and if he is anything like I am would do whatever he can to support you as you work through it.

3. You are a caring and supportive daughter. You are helping your mom through her cancer relapse which speaks very highly of the person that you are. That your mom is commenting on how you will regret not having children is likely far more indicative of her feeling her own mortality than anything else. Tell her that you're struggling with not being able to have children of your own and her comments are not helping. Put the onus of action on her to keep her thoughts on that to herself. You are a good daughter and should not have to tolerate hurt from your mother. I struggle with the sharp tongue of my GM when she was declining in health as she targeted my mother with her controlling guilt focused crap. I addressed the issue both with my mom (her tolerance of GM's crap) and with my GM for being so mean and evil while it was going on. My GM bit her lip ... for the most part after I confronted her and my mom worked on not responding to GM's guild plays when they would surface.

4. You are in a working marriage, are performing well in your career, are supporting your mother in her health care journey and you have the heart and enough love to give to want a child. You are a good person. That you are in the South has nothing to do with the person that you are and any pressure you are feeling is far more likely than not put on you by .... you.

So, quit focusing on your past best days and start taking every morning as your best day. It works for me.

Take care of you.

Oh dear - this might sound bad... children are expensive and over rated... if I could have my life over.... I would've been childless

small kiddies, small problems , the bigger they get the bigger the shit they give you.... or get into for that matter..

What's your purpose here, to tell woman like me... lalalalalala suffer with that brat lady I'm child free.

Life only starts at 40, enjoy it, stop supporting your husband and his ex family, take your money and live, go on trips, enjoy life... it's wonderful to live, get a new hair cut, go for a manni and peddi, hell through a facial and a total make over in there... jazz up your clothing, get a new style, play with life..... and decide I will go out of this life on the back of a Harley with a bottle tequila in my hand and a young hunk as drive....

I feel like I could have written this post. It's pretty damn uncanny the similarities. I TOTALLY get how you feel. I am the only woman in my circle without kids...even the woman I didn't think would have a baby ended up pregnant. So, it's just me. While the moms take their toddlers to the pumpkin patch or a play date, I have nothing to contribute. Instead I have two a-hole SS's 14 and 19. I must be honest and say that I didn't want a kiddo until I was over 40, and especially after my sister had a baby. i gave and gave to my SS's when they were younger but after years of getting nothing in return (like how a "real" mom gets hugs and love you's, at least once in a while), I had to stop or risk losing myself. Now it's tolerance and that's all. I can't believe (even now) that I spend weeks with a kid in my house that doesn't give two sh*ts if I am alive or not. Also, your mom and mine could be twins, except I get drunk calls asking if we could at least adopt and she would care for the kid 90% of the time (her words) meaning that I'm not good enough unless I give her a grandchild. And routinely says that she will probably just have the one grandchild. Boo hoo.

I just remind myself that lots of women have kids and they turn out to be real f*ck ups. I'd rather be childless than have to deal with that.

Just know you are NOT alone.

I don't know if this is good advice or not, but I'm in the position where about 50% of my friends have children and 50% have decided to remain childfree by choice, so I get a good mix of both perspectives.

In terms of remaining childless / childfree, I'd offer the following:

Many of my friends with children are miserable. They wonder if their only role in life ever will to be "mom" or more specifically to be the nag who has to take care of everything and never gets any appreciation. Even BM - despite claiming she is MOTY and has only ever put her children first - hates being a mother. She complains incessantly to all who will hear about how much she has to sacrifice and parenting is such a burden. Being the mom of adult children doesn't seem to be much better. When I think of how annoyed my friends are by their mothers and how many of them talk about how crazy or needy or incompetent their mothers are, I think, "man, you don't even get any respect as a mom when you're children are grown!"

That's not to discount the longing for a child when you can't have one. I realize that can be very real and be heartbreaking for many. That is just to say that the grass is always greener. My friends with children are jealous of my childfree life.

There are other ways to add value to society without producing children. In fact, many parents don't add value to society through their children, because they don't teach their children to be productive members of society. Find some things that bring you joy in life or make you feel fulfilled and spend lots of time working on those. That may require some trial and error or exploration, but I think it would be worth it.

My only concerns about not having children are that my mother will not have grandchildren - I think she'd be a great grandmother and know she would like to be one, even though she doesn't talk about it - and that I'd be on my own when I got old. As a stepmother, I feel that life might also feel more balanced for me if I had a child, because I wouldn't just be caring for someone else's children who won't care for me in return. However, for me, those factors don't outweigh the fact that I'm indifferent, at best, to the thought of having my own child. I really liked my childfree life and still do my best to maintain it, even with stepchildren.

I'm not sure how helpful this is, but I think when you're feeling a bit hopeless, it can be helpful to realize that there are other ways to think about your situation - at least this seems to help me.