Not a "Morning Person"
I am NOT a "morning person". I like my slow morning coffee and no phones or TV for about two hours. Then I am up and going all day full speed. We are retired and I take "retired" seriously. Lol...
Most of you here know that I am disengaged from SD56 and SGD32 (8 years). It has been, and still is, challenging. We now live in a neighboring State, as I posted here before, from SD56. SD comes to the city to visit SGD32 often, but doesn't stop by much. Delightful! This is because she knows that I don't care what she does, or when she does it; therefore, the game is no longer fun for DH, SD, or SGD to play.
Yesterday morning was one of those days. At 5:30 a.m. DH's cell phone pinged with a text. He ignored it; but it woke us both up for the morning. We finally gave up and got a much needed cup of coffee at 6:00 a.m. I had errands planned for the entire day; so I fixed us a nice breakfast of waffles and eggs, before beginning my day. Now remember, I am not a "morning person"; thus this is an effort to be nice right off the get go. While I was cooking breakfast DH's cell pinged twice. When we sat down to eat breakfast, approximately 8:30 a.m. it pinged again. Now to this point I have not recognized this annoyance. I could tell this is going to be a long day. When we sat down to eat, DH tells me SD is on her way to "stop by" and should be arriving in approximately 30 minutes. I am still in my PJ's, no shower, bed not made, breakfast mess in the kitchen; and I have a full day planned. Another note: SD is going to be in town 2 weeks, helping SGD and family move to another house; therefore yesterday was not the only day she could visit DH.
Ok, I calmly got up, put my breakfast down the disposal, got dressed and drove away to do my full days errands; which included cleaning and yard work for my Father, who lives 35 miles from us. I did get the bed made and the kitchen cleaned up. Upon walking out the door, I turned to my DH and calmly said; "next time SD56 or anyone is "stopping by" before 10:00 a.m., please ask SD to pick you up and you two go to breakfast and take your time away, so I can have my morning coffee and get a shower. I don't appreciate the early morning invasion, you know that."
I came home late afternoon, accomplished all my errands, mixed me a nice drink, and had a hot shower. I never uttered another word, nor did I ask, about SD's visit. All is calm, but tense; it will pass.
My question: Why do some people have no common sense. We have been married 37 years and me not being a "morning person" is nothing new to these idiots.
Just venting. Have a good day to those of you that think disengagement stops, just because you have decided to disengage. Lol....
Yep.. pre-planning is key.
Yep.. pre-planning is key. Otherwise you don't know who has plans or not.
You nailed it when you stated
You nailed it when you stated "trashy"; these people amaze me.
I realize I have to keep the disengagement boundaries updated. I hate the maintenance of disengagement, but it is a fact and can't be let unattended; just saying....
I don't know a person in the
I don't know a person in the world that wants text or company at 530am. She wanted to be annoying. And she was. That's it.
Strong and relaxing....
Strong and relaxing....
You are way nicer then me
You are way nicer then me Sammi...
1. DH dropping SD is dropping by, I would say - NO she's not, you better inform her where you will meet her.
2. Any one disturbing my sleep regrets it for months..... I simply block their numbers, I do not care if it's on my phone or on SO's phone. Sorry it's rude texting people between 8pm and 10am... week or week-end I give a shit...
and I am a morning person lol..
How ever I have no problem if some one disturbs me between those hours and it's a real emergency, or one of my US friends
Karma has definitely missed
Karma has definitely missed some people... :?
And the BioHos of the world.
And the BioHos of the world. How that...thing hasn't been beeyotched-slapped beyond Pluto is completely beyond me!! :O
Renewal, if I ever had the
Renewal, if I ever had the power of invisibility, the very first thing I'd do is beeyotch slap 'Ho from here to Irkutsk.
Okay, okay, that's impossible. But I'd definitely walk up behind her and SMACK her in the back of her fat head. LMAO
Obviously, we need people
Obviously, we need people willing to travel long distances, using only cash, to give karma a hand... LOL
I think some of them need
I think some of them need their own special island....
renewal 11-11: I have the
renewal 11-11: I have the urge to take the cell phone, put it under the back tire of my vehicle; back over it, pull over it, and back over it again; get out of the vehicle, hand it to DH and say there you go sweetheart!
I may just do this some early morning....
Good idea for the first try
Good idea for the first try and I'll drive over it the second time, with him watching..... }:)
Don't forget to turn off the
Don't forget to turn off the ringer... }:)
Noted!
Noted!
Yep, understand. It's
Yep, understand.
It's sick....
I agree that this is RUDENESS
I agree that this is RUDENESS and not common sense.
And there is no way in HE!! I would have dumped my breakfast and vacated my house. DH can text back that 8:30am is NOT convenient and to come at 10am. Period. Dot. That was bloody rude and insensitive of your DH.
Is that a smart phone? Many have options of Do Not Disturb. You set up the DND time (such as 10pm to 10am). The calls and messages will come through, but the phone will not ring/ping during the DND time. You can also set it up as 'Custom' so when selected callers (your Dad, DH, etc) contact you, the phone WILL ring/ping.
Aniki: This is the first
Aniki: This is the first time I have ever left my home, in 37 years, due to this bs. I already had my day fully planned with all my errands. This is the only reason I moved forward to leave before SD showed up.
I'm sure DH played the biggest part in this morning visit, because she was coming to the city and I'm sure he knew this. My guess is she texted him when she left home at 5:30 for the 3+ hour drive, then was stopping here on her way through to SGD's. DH knew and SD doesn't have a clue about how rude she is; of course DH didn't think I would leave, even though he knew of my full day.
Not being present for SD's grand entrance bothers her more than me leaving, because I have never left before. I had a good day.
Sammi, I'm glad you had a
Sammi, I'm glad you had a good day and foiled SD's grand entrance!!
But it's still BS on your DH's part...
Oh, DH knew, I'm sure. He
Oh, DH knew, I'm sure. He knows I know too, without discussing it. He hates my silence and I actually have gotten over it; except for surprises, I hate. I have to think fast and at my age, that is getting more difficult. }:)
I would be angry at DH for
I would be angry at DH for allowing his phone to ping in the first place. That is the rude on his part. Second he needs to do as others say and say no to SD. Stopping by without notice is not allowed. He can meet her else where for last minute plans. And set up the do not disturb feature on both your phones. If you have a house land line set the ringer to off at night.
Don't mess with mornings or sleep times!
You should have dumped his breakfast in the trash and handed him his car keys and hat and said have a nice day honey out visiting your DD!
You should have dumped his
You should have dumped his breakfast in the trash and handed him his car keys and hat and said have a nice day honey out visiting your DD!
Oh, I DO like the way you think!!!
I have learned a lot from
I have learned a lot from Acropotes!
DH is disabled and no longer
DH is disabled and no longer drives; or that I would have done for sure.
I did tell him, "from now on, you have SD come by, pick you up, and you two go for a nice breakfast and give me my morning; take your time".
Ah sorry...I think I knew
Ah sorry...I think I knew that. Brain fog today.
What you said was good and direct. Dumping his breakfast would have added a little punctuation! Still could had him his hat and escort him to the driveway to wait for his ride. Hindsight is always 20/20.
I told him we will be turning
I told him we will be turning the phones off. We were out of State and no phones, when my teen boys were both killed in an auto accident, years ago. The Sheriff's Dept. found us and for what????? To give us bad news of course.
Emergencies are no excuse in my book. There are medical services and first responders to take care of the odd hour emergencies; there is nothing we can do that first responders can't handle. It all passes and it all works out.
So we have discussed the hours for phones. We'll see how that goes. No pings today.
Why did your husband not tell
Why did your husband not tell her to come over later? I would have told him to call her back and tell her to wait until later, or to meet her outside and they could go somewhere.
My SD has no clue what 5:30 AM looks like, I would faint if she ever called that early (she can't text, she doesn't have DH's cell#).
DH, like most Father's here,
DH, like most Father's here, would never turn down an opportunity to see his Princess; time is of no essence.
Yes I did tell him to have her pick him up next time and they can go out to breakfast and give me my morning. DH got the point, but he'll sleep and that will have slipped his memory. I think I made an impression with DH, when I calmly and silently dumped my breakfast, dressed, and drove away for the day. He is sensitive to my silence, more so than my nagging.
DH is appreciative of the nice breakfast and he knows where his primary care lies and the love that I show him. He just absolutely has no common sense when it comes to SD. Doubt it will happen again, but then who knows.
:?
I guess, on Thankful
I guess, on Thankful Thursday, I'm thankful that my DH does not see his daughter as a princess!
(No subject)
(No subject)
(No subject)
when sd is supposed to arrive
when sd is supposed to arrive for dinner she arrives early. using her own key she lets herself in without chiming the door bell.
My SD used to have her own
My SD used to have her own key. When I booted DH to the curb, to her house for a few weeks, I had the locks re-keyed. When DH and I got back together, I gave him a key and told him SD would no longer have a key and if he gave her one, I would re-key again and he would not be having a key either.
Now that we have moved, when she comes to the city, she will just walk in, if the door is not latched. That happened a couple of times and I latch the door now and she has to wait until I open it. SD usually calls before coming now, because she doesn't live here; therefore, I can latch the door and she has to wait for me to open it. I do this because I was hoping she will get the hint of privacy. But she has absolutely no clue.
My SD has never been taught manners; DH has no manners. It amazes me they have no common sense on the smallest considerations. SD will never consider the time she comes by, usually meal time; the 5:00 a.m. phone text was not surprising.. I am disengaged, so never offer even a cold drink, and NEVER food, when she visits. That is DH's place to offer anything he wishes. He never thinks about it, therefore, I've noticed they will be here an hour and DH has never even offered a glass of water. Unbelievable to me!
I know I am being rude to her for NOT offering also, but she doesn't even speak to me when entering our home; she has been ugly to me for 30+ years; so it's DH's problem, no more nice lady from me.
SugarSpice, latch your door and make her wait. I also used to have SD and family at least once a week for dinner; they were always late and never helped with any preparations or offered to do clean up; so I do nothing now. They have not been to our home for a meal for over 4 years.
sammi, i have a mind to let
sammi, i have a mind to let my other family members who have keys just drop in any time. i know dh will make a comment about it. "i was never told they were coming over!" "they said they would be here at 3 and its one hour early!"
dh has strong opinions about behaviour but always excuses that of his children.
some people have no boundaries and sd thinks she still lives here even though i booted her out when she cursed me to my face. i am still amazed dh had the balls to back me up on this.
SugarSpice: I know what your
SugarSpice: I know what your are saying, I relate completely this.
It doesn't matter how many boundaries my SD56 would have, she thinks "a rule is made to break". DH is totally this way, YSS53 is also this way, and SD56 definitely says "black", if someone says "white".
They all feel entitled and act like everything belongs to them. They even grab the front of the food line, fill their plates and use the worst table manners I've ever seen. I love DH, but he has the worst manners and I've spent 37 years trying to show good manners, thinking they would catch on. They don't knock, just walk in a door. It just seems it takes way too much effort to live like that. What's up with that????
OSS58 follows the rules, is respectful, and has good manners; he is such an easy person to be around. Not sure where OSS58 got the straight up attitude; DH, SD, and YSS are so much into breaking the rules. I don't know BM, but from what I've heard, from this side of the story of course, she is as bad. I have my doubts BM is as bad as I'm told. I've had these doubts for years.
I've learned to ignore it; they love the drama. I hate it.
It's like; they want to show they can do it without consequences. Ugh.....
sammi, i told this to dh. i
sammi, i told this to dh. i told him i did not like sd coming over when she felt like it esp earlier than expected.
i also said i did not like her using her key to just barge in. i also said i could now just tell my family to just come in unannounced.
dh did not like to see the shoe on the other foot.
Sugar Spice: Well let me
Sugar Spice: Well let me tell you, my DH doesn't like walking in my shoes, but doesn't say a word. After putting up with his mental abuse and mental abuse from his grown kids and granddaughter for 30+ years, I realized I was never appreciated. I was only trying to make DH happy, by tolerating SD.
When it all blew up almost 4 years ago, I decided I was relocating, away from SD56. She and SIL lived one block from us for 15 years. I told DH "I am going. It's not IF, it's WHEN. You are welcome to come with me, I would like for you to do that." Nothing more was said; a few months later DH came to me and we made our move. He likes it where we live, in the neighboring State; but it has given him time to think and realize what he did to our marriage, by making SD priority.
Between my disengagement from SD56 and her family, and DH not listening to her toxic conversation every day, he now walks in my shoes. You have to understand that we now live closer to my family; but my family are NOT intense engaging people. You might see them once a month, maybe longer. We don't call or chat often; yet we are all close and have lots of fun, when we do get together. Let me add; my family adores and respects my DH. He enjoys being around them. I know DH sees the difference; but he still longs to see his DD daily; which he is welcome to do, but it is now their problem, I'm out of it.
My SD will still barge in, talk DH out of a house key (if she could), and continue to be aggressive; she never gets the hint. You can tell her to her face; she will pout, sleep it off, and be right back within 30 days. I am silently rude to her and that works better than the confrontation; she loves drama.
Don't you just love it, when they think they own the place?
i just laugh at them to
i just laugh at them to myself in silence now. they usually have to deal with the consequences of their poor decisions anyway.
I guess I don't mind the
I guess I don't mind the early phone calls because I am a morning person. I call my dad early in the morning all the time. But usually, its when my stepmom is already at work. And, I will text him beforehand to tell me when he is awake. He is usually up by 6 and is a morning person, so its never been an issue. But, I would never make plans to stop by someone's house that early, especially not at the last minute. I think that is rude.
My SDs routinely call and
My SDs routinely call and text at inappropriate times. My DH doesn't answer until time is convenient for us. If it's an emergency then they'd tell him but not if it's of no importance. Then he just doesn't answer until later
On the other hand at least she called. In my past step life my exSD just snowed up. No phone call
My mother and SF live 2 miles
My mother and SF live 2 miles away. I can't imagine just announcing "I am stopping by" even as close as they are, and as well as we all get along. It's disrespectful to expect others to change plans at the last minute.
You certainly don't need to say it's because you are not a morning person. It is simply a matter of respecting other people have lives.
I am starting to get your SD and Twit confused, lol.
Your SD lost the ability to get at you. This is all she has, and it's a win....for you. And good for you, being out of the house having a life.
Right? I live about 1 mile
Right? I live about 1 mile (or less) from my dad, I drive through his neighborhood all of the time to get somewhere else, but I would never just stop by, unless I saw him outside.
I read all the time "she's
I read all the time "she's driving me.....", because when she speaks of Twit, it does fit.
I doubt my SD56 can spell "respect"; although she IS the smartest person on earth; if you don't believe it, just ask her.
I'm good with the day I had. Leaving my home was a bit unnerving, but I already had plans, so it was easier. I doubt I would have left without my day had not been preplanned. I don't back away from my SD and I stand my territory.
I'm sure my DH is wondering what is around the next corner, because I have let it go and said absolutely nothing. I realize that I have progressed with my disengagement, when I can do what I did yesterday, without hesitation.
Let's just say I'm "getting better at disengagement boundaries"; with that said, I do know it will never end as long as I am married to DH. I understand his love for his children and have no problem with their relationships; just don't include my life, feelings, or any other issues concerning me. SD just can't help herself when she is around me; I have never known anyone that can think so fast on her feet with snarky remarks. My SGD32 is the same mold. (SD's daughter)
My DH knew, I'm sure and he
My DH knew, I'm sure and he knows now that won't be a repeat as he hates my silence. You are right, he is to blame for the disrespectful, thoughtless person that he and BM raised. Thus he is unable to teach the ole' bitch dog new tricks.
On the other hand my SD is 56 years old and has known me for 37 years.
Chip off DH's shoulder for sure. This isn't my first rodeo, just saying that disengagement takes continuous maintenance. The two adults have cotton ball brains. I would never impose on anyone before noon and especially when SD knows we have a busy schedule in the mornings, with DH (her dadeeee....) being disabled. She is just a right and right out bitch. Only saying.....she will be in town for over two weeks and just down the road; no need for early morning visits
I'm sure there is some type of drama in her life, as always. SGD32 is moving and she and SIL are assisting for the next two weeks, which I don't care. So I'm sure SD thought I would be here early morning to listen to her drama and then SD would add snarky remarks to me. I'm not up to her early mornings and never have been a tolerate person much before 10:00 a.m.
It's not the fact that she stops in; its common sense and respect that she lacks.
As my dad is fond of telling
As my dad is fond of telling me.... "Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance" (The 6 Ps).
Your DH needs to beat this into the skulls of his toxic prior relationship spawn. You can deliver the message to your DH with a more gentle delivery but it may do him some good to see the 6 Ps message written on a near by 2x4 augmented by you gently caressing the 2x4 as you give him the gentle version. The implicit message is that he takes care of the issue or the message will be forced through his thick scull.
Good luck.
Posted! Thanks....
Posted! Thanks....
Sammi, You handled this one
Sammi, You handled this one with brains and grace. Congrats! BUT -- "she will be in town for over two weeks and just down the road; no need for early morning visits" - So why the emergency early morning visit? Ya, she DOES have a lot of similarities to Twit but I'm seeing a lot of my SD in this: "I doubt my SD56 can spell "respect"; although she IS the smartest person on earth; if you don't believe it, just ask her." Yet SD has a superb ability to come up with snarky comments at the drop of a hat while it takes me three days to formulate a come-back. This is where I need more lessons from you. LOL I suppose it is the self-centered narcissism which makes them believe the world turns around them. For me, I'd rather stay clear of SD's sphere of gravity.
sandye21: I honestly don't
sandye21: I honestly don't know why this early morning visit????
I am so disengaged at this point, a good deal of the texting and phone calls are happening unbeknownst to me; which I don't care. I'm guessing DH texted SD and asked when she would be here. SD has to travel the Interstate above our house to reach SGD32's house. It is approximately a 3 1/2 hour drive for her to the city here.
The first text came at 5:30 a.m., which was her first mistake; she was due to stop by at 09:00 a.m. I was out of here by 09:00, don't know any more details than that. I do not like anyone stopping by in the early morning. I absolutely will not tolerate SD of a morning. I have not ask and don't care when she stopped or what was discussed behind my back. As long as it does not effect my DH and my relationship, she is history in my book. I have never left my house before; but I had a full day planned and was so pissed off (morning thing) that she was presenting herself, that I just got started early, which I hate.
Thank you for your support; it is easy for me to handle her with no feelings at all. I usually don't give her a thought or the time of day; in this case the time of day was the issue. DH knows better and he got the point, believe me. Also I get tired of this maintenance of disengagement, but have accepted the fact I will probably have to do it forever. DH, SD, and SGD keep thinking I will forget and forgive; but at the same time they will never apologize or treat me any different than in the past; it will always just go back to what it was. I will never go back on my boundaries.
The more SD does things like this, the better I get at getting past it.
My husband treats and guards
My husband treats and guards his cell phone like it's his second penis....but no worries... he turns all the loud ringers off as soon as he gets home....If they die he would never know unless it was texted to him...At least I do not have to hear their smoked up horse bass voices asking about what i should be doing across the rooms anymore... lol.
Sammi.... this SD is a Tee Total B...ch, no other reason for her behavior... yep, she MUST pick up dadeeeee next time.. have him sitting out on the front porch, ready for pick-up- by 6am....:-)
sammi, you handled the
sammi, you handled the situation beautifully! kudos to you.
emptying your meal down the disposal made a strong point.
to invite oneself on short notice especially when you are not a morning person is rude.
its just like having a guess stay up until midnight when you retire to bed at 9:30 in the evening. one skid lives in a way different time zone and did this too. dh was still in bed with me asleep and the phone rings and sd wants to talk.
just plain rude. and you made your point well. hats off to you!