College...financial aid...help!
I feel like I'm being forced to pay for my teenage step daughters college. I might be more willing to help if I wasn't already $65k in student loans and my husband is at $22k. Thankfully, I just got a raise but now I'm finding out that we got approved for parent plus loans. My sd has had her mind set on a certain school forever. She got some loans but the majority of schools in our area are pretty expensive. Her loans could be $13k for the first year and then each year after that. She moved in with us four years ago so this is a big shock to me. If I had my own daughter, I would steer her far from college or toward a different path. I had no say in the molding of her views with her future. Bio mom has never paid us child support and can't contribute. I've worked my ass off to be in a place at 40 years old to afford where I'm at in life. I feel the anger and resentment building up. This means that with all of our loans, we will be at $100k in debt plus possibly another $40k. Since we are moving out of state for my job, we are going to put everything under her moms address so she can get more aid (possibly) next year. That may mean that we are still on the hook for $13k This is absolutely something that I don't want to do but I would crush a little girls dreams if I don't do it. It's not her fault that these are the rules. I'm so angry that I'm in this position. Has anyone else been in this situation? These rules are so messed up.
^^^This^^^ Her dream...she
^^^This^^^
Her dream...she figures out a way to pay for it. I recently had the same issue with my SS. No way am I going to be working on paying off MY loans (several of which were taken out when I was first married to DH and used on common household expenses while I was in grad school...aka, on the skids) and take on additional loans or expenses for his kids. Sorry.
Simply NO.... you have your
Simply NO.... you have your own daughter to think about, you can not support another child and it's not your fault her mother is not helping out.
Simply say NO, separate your finances from DH. This debt will be between him and his daughter, it's got nothing to do with you and you are not crushing her dreams. I am sure her study course will be available at any other cheaper school, she can work part time to earn some money herself.
You simply say I can not afford it, I have my own student loans and I have my daughter to pay for.... DH and BM can pay for theirs.
Yes I was in a similar
Yes I was in a similar position, where SD wanted us to co-sign a college loan for private college and I refused. And I told DH that I would divorce him if he co-signed. Sorry, not sorry!
I also refused to provide my financial info that the college wanted for financial aid application. I had no relationship with SD and she and her mommy werenothing but a PITA to me.
Poor thing had to go to state college.
SD now has an excellent career that she loves, so I guess it worked out fine for everyone.
They do. But it's just so
They do. But it's just so screwed up that the FAFSA requires a stepparent's info. Legally, stepparents have no rights to their stepkids...they can't make major medical decisions or really "parent" them in any way. They also aren't financially responsible for them, legally...though in practice we all know that many stepparents DO contribute to the skids, either directly or indirectly.
So why is it any of the government's business what the stepparent earns? In this situation, a skid living with dad and stepmom would put THEIR info on the FAFSA but not the BM. That's just absurd...so BM is totally off the hook in every way, while the stepmom has to give her info. Makes me so angry. It makes much more sense for the stepkid to have to provide the financial info of BOTH parents, no matter who the kid lives with.
In our situation, I dodged the bullet, I guess...because skid can just put BM's info and not dad's...which makes him eligible for more aid as the kid of a "divorced, single mom." Oh boo hoo! FAFSA is based on taxes, and BM doesn't have to account for the 12K+ in CS or all the extras we do on her taxes...so it's like his dad's contribution to his welfare is entirely invisible as far as financial aid is concerned. I understand NOT putting this on the tax form for BM because WE have already paid taxes on this money and the money is, theoretically, going to DH's kids. That's fair. I just can't fathom WHY the FAFSA would require only the info of the parent you live with more? And your stepparent if that parent is married? It's just such a screwed-up way of looking at the scenario.
I guess the only viable
I guess the only viable reason I see for requiring it would be to ensure that people aren't scamming the system.
BM marries daddy big bucks and decides to stay at home. She gets child support from her EX, but doesn't earn any money.. beacause Mr. Big Bucks has plenty. Her children would be able to get a lot of money if they didn't have to include big bucks. But, BM could certainly be earning money if it weren't for big bucks support.
Or... BM and Big Bucks decide she will stop working the year before her kids to to school so they will get maximum aid.
She does not have to provide
She does not have to provide her information. It's not her daughter
would you provide your financial info to any one whom may ask?
The way financial aid works
The way financial aid works is that the child is supposed to provide the information of the parent they live with. If that parent is married, they also have to provide the information of their parent's spouse.
Providing information does NOT obligate anyone to pay one thin dime. What it does do is allow the financial aid calculations to determine what the child would be eligible for. If a "family contribution" is determined, it is still optional whether the family DOES contribute. It is also not agreeing to sign up for any loans.
In my SD's case, they were living primarily with their unmarried mother. If they had been considered under our roof, then I would have had to provide my information as well and they likely would have gotten zero assistance.
It is also possible to provide that information without the child (or anyone else like BM) having access to it.
So, yeah, refusing to provide the information will prevent the child from applying for financial aid. Since providing the information doesn't mean you are agreeing to any obligation.. not providing it is beyond petty.
I wasn't aware of the
I wasn't aware of the institutional aid part... thanks for educating me a little
If I had needed to, I would have provided information, but in our case, the BM was the person on the spot. She actually gave both her girls a super hard time getting her information. It was so stupid, we tried to help the girls understand how to explain that it did NOT mean she had ANY financial obligation, but BM is dense as a stump.
Yes, lol, I see your point.
Yes, lol, I see your point. At the time I was fresh from a shake down to pay for SDs boob job (told us it was medically needed and it wasn't).
I also knew she would never qualify for financial aid because her grandma had recently passed away and left her a very generous inheritance.
reconstructive surgery after
reconstructive surgery after breast cancer might be considered that. Not sure how you could justify it otherwise.
Or a reduction. My sister
Or a reduction. My sister needs one, but has been waiting until she's out of grad school and has better insurance. She's a tiny, 5'2" blonde girl who weighs about 110 and had DD boobs.
Large breasts (out of
Large breasts (out of proportion to body size) causing back or shoulder problems.
Dup
Dup
Heck no. It started out with
Heck no. It started out with SD and her mom sending emails saying they needed us to help pay for "breast surgery" and under questioning it became a breast reduction. Which are medically necessary, unless you are a 34B.
I called BS on it and we did not pay
She is now a 38D by the way.
so is 34b the guideline? if
The bottom line here is that
The bottom line here is that I would not sign for any student loans for the girl. Since you and your DH still have your own on your plate, neither of you is really in a financial position to be taking on MORE debt.
If she really wants to attend this school, then she will find a way. Maybe the solution is for her to join the military (not sure what the tuition benefits are these days) and go after a short enlistment? Perhaps she could defer attending for a year and work full time with a PT job and save like crazy?
Maybe, her father would be willing to help her with a smaller loan/assistance? Like, if she qualifies for 1/3 grant... then maybe if she can earn enough to pay for another 1/3 in cash and can take out a small loan herself dad can help with a small shortfall?
Or he may be willing to match her cash contribution?
My YSD was very interested in several pricey schools and programs until she realized that no one was going to help her pay for any of it. Now she is working FT and has a PT job plus takes classes online through the local Community College. The classes are paid for in full by her employer. So... she is doing pretty well with zero financial help from us.
Military is the way to go. I
Military is the way to go. I was active duty for 6 years. I've been out for 11 years. Air Force paid for my Bachelors degree and my current position (working as a civilian for the Air Force) is paying for my Master's degree.
If the divorce decree or CO
If the divorce decree or CO does not stipulate that your DH is on the hook for SD's college then don't pay crap!!!!
Unless court ordered parents paying for college is not a right. It is a privilege and if DH is not in a position to afford it financially.... SD gets loans and goes it alone. This is a perfect example of why DH should have nailed BM's ass to the wall for CS rather than letting her off of the hook. Her ability to pay CS is not relevant. She should have been held accountable for supporting her child.
That money could have been saved and applied to the Skid's college.
But... hindsight is 20/20 as they say.
IMHO of course.
I think the problem with the
I think the problem with the solution being suggested is that if DH decides to sign on, whether or not the OP signs up for it, she is really being put in a position of being responsible for the debt. It might not be registered under her name, but they are married, so in most places, if she leaves him, she is responsible for half of that debt (or maybe half of half of the debt). If she doesn't leave him, the couple's finances will be affected by HIS choice to sign up for the debt if he is paying for any of it at all. Goodbye nice dinners out, vacations. DH starts asking her to cover more of the bills because he is broke. All because he chose to sign on the dotted line.
I am in a similar situation. DH had 50/50 custody, gave it up and with it was "shocked" when BM came after him for support. He pulled out $$ we had put into savings for school to pay back support, and is now talking about the fact that he wants to support her. Um, I was ok with putting away that money at the time, but YOU spent it based on your bad decision. You didn't listen to me when I said to not switch from 50/50. Now the 17SD has a part time job, but can't save for the life of her, is entitled, and DH thinks we are going to sign up for her university/college debt when I don't even think she has any plan other than to party? Um, no. That will be our fight soon, but I am currently delaying the inevitable by seeing if she even applies in the fall. My own stupidity, I know. I think I'm just not ready to call it quits and be called a horrible person yet.
My point is, whether she signs or DH signs, both parties are on the line. If he won't run from the debt too, you still have a problem. The fact that kids think they are entitled to schooling is sad. Take a year off, work, go part time around work. Steps are young with their whole lives in front of them. I know I worked 21 hours a week on top of my school hours Monday-Friday. Including through my post-grad. It can be done. If the skid wants it bad enough, they will find a way. You won't kill their dreams, they will by being too lazy to get it done. Based on your debts, you didn't get a free ride either, did you? She needs to lower her expectations and be thankful for any help she gets. IMHO.
This is why DH and I put off
This is why DH and I put off getting married until after YSD had filed her last FAFSA. Yes, the system is royally screwed up. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) for her she lives with Dad because BM is also screwed up and they are estranged. Otherwise she could establish residency with her and clean up financial aid wise. If we had to count my income and assets she would not have got a cent. Neither DH nor I dreamed of using my assets, as we keep our finances separate. But I would not screw her over by getting married either. Sucks.