SD & the student loan...

Just a wine fueled rant since my DH doesn't seem to hear my concerns... Thank you for listening.

My SD has just started her second year of college in state and she had my DH cosign for a $13,000 student loan in the beginning of August because her mother decided at the last minute that she had no money to pay the tuition that she agreed to last year.

( DH paid for 5 years of out of state college for SS. He started at a state school but after the first semester BM convinced him to apply to a private college across the country on DH's dime without consulting with him and with no financial help from her which ate up the $180,000 he had saved for BOTH of their educations. He paid for SD last year as well...)

Well, the loan was approved but not until after the tuition was due, so DH whipped out his checkbook and paid for it out of our joint savings instead of holding his ex to her word. Apparently, the school disbursed the entire $13k loan to SD and she's having a blast spending it on clothes, cosmetics and new tattoos (according to social media...) DH requested that she give it to him to hold until next semester because both she and her mother are bad with money and she flat out refused. There's an $11,000 finance charge for borrowing that money that she clearly didn't need that DH is on the hook for and at the rate she's going, will have it all spent before Christmas, if not sooner.

For whatever reason, DH doesn't seem too concerned with the fact that she's misusing those funds with little to no intention of paying it back and am sure he won't hesitate to cosign for another loan for her in the future...

Although I didn't cosign, it affects me, too...

I just want to take off my shoe and beat them both with it about the head and chest multiple times but it won't do any good, except for making me feel better.

She sucks.
He sucks for allowing it.
I married a ball-less eunuch who hails from Disneyland.

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BM's excuse for not paying:

BM's excuse for not paying: She had plans to move out of the area in 6 years. Not sure what that has to do with the price of tea in China, but that's her story and she's sticking to it.

She sucks, too.
Literally and figuratively.

My dad cosigned on student

My dad cosigned on student loans for me because I didn't have established credit but I understood that it wasn't free money. I've paid every single payment on time, with my own money, because I wanted an education. He simply helped me get the loan. Shame on SD for being such an entitled brat and shame on your husband for making a mutual decision on his own.

Glad you have some wine. My

Glad you have some wine. My SSs are 11 and I've already told DH that I don't intend to pay for college (if neither tries in school in grade 5, what are the chances they will try in college). I think I would be moving out if DH co-signed a loan after paying $180,000 for another to go to college.

Before anyone thinks I'm terrible, DH got a $60,000 inheritance from his grandmother that he planned to save for his kids' college fund, but BM had to use it to pay her income taxes for the year because she had her own business and didn't keep track of them through the year. And she's a CPA, so it's not as if she had no knowledge of what she might owe. She makes twice as much as DH does a year, so it's not as if she shouldn't have enough money to save for college.

Immediately get financial

Immediately get financial separation from DH....no more joint savings account, only one in your name with only you who can sign for it. Then let DH suffer the consequences of his stupid decision and never share your savings with him.

Smile and say - ask your daughter...

This. I would also add that

This.

I would also add that you tell him you still expect him to participate in vacations, retirement, home improvement projects, etc with you. If he can't keep up with you, then go out and do your thing on your own. One of you will eventually realize that being tied down to someone who won't keep up (or slow down) for the other is no fun. The question then becomes will it be him and he shuts himself down as his kids' personal ATM, or you when you realize that you can't do what you want.

I've done the whole "be married to a financially irresponsible nitwit", as has my DH, and we both have a very low tolerance for these types of shenanigans. They are relationship ending-level. I'm not saying they have to be for you, but this is a huge problem and misuse of YOUR assets.

agreed.

I'm sorry this has happened

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I second the motion that you separate your and DH's finances. No more joint account that he can pull from to enable his kids. My (ex)DH's mother co-signed for SS's student loans. He spent 5 years in college - no closer to a degree when he left than when he entered. (Ex)DH's mother was on the hook for the loans. SS inherited more than enough to pay them when BM passed but he chose to blow that money instead of paying the loans. The lenders hounded ex-MIL constantly until she finally used her retirement savings and paid them off. Then (ex)DH couldn't understand why I was against co-signing a car loan for SS. I reminded him about the student loans and (ex)DH said that his son would never put him in a position like that. Fast-forward a few months and (ex)DH's credit score is dropping like a rock and lenders are calling him requesting the car payment. (Ex)DH couldn't (or wouldn't) understand that the damage to his credit directly affected our future. That is when I filed for divorce. I wasn't on this site then and don't know if separating finances would have saved my marriage but it might have been worth a shot.

For the most part, we never

For the most part, we never merged finances except for the household savings that he wrote the check from. In years past, he would take the money from the investment company and deposit it into our account and pay the tuition, only this year, he only had about 2k left so the balance he pulled from our joint account, because, heaven forbid, should she be told NO...

I found out after it was all said and done. He was expecting to put the money back once SD gave him the balance of the loan and I wouldn't have been any the wiser, but it just didn't work out that way.

He has a massive case of the guilts because he gave his son a free ride through college and because of the price of SS's ( and BM's) choice of school, he wasn't able to do the same for his daughter so now he feels that he needs to go into debt to pay SD's tuition so that she won't write him off completely.

SD has lived with BM for the past 3 years and only visits on gift giving occasions or while I'm at work if she wants something. There was a big showdown regarding her lack of boundaries and how it applied to my own personal possessions and after a failed ultimatum from her, she thankfully moved out. Both her and her mother accuse DH of choosing me over SD and have tried to stick it to him financially ever since. And he lets them...

I keep excellent banking records and I just transferred every penny that I put into that joint account into my own personal savings without mentioning it to DH. I guess he'll find out the same way that I did, when the statement comes in, after which, I'll calmly explain that while one can finance a college education, one cannot finance a retirement and I'm not willing to sacrifice my future for hers. Will probably go over like a lead balloon. Too bad for him.

Good move. Bravo !

OMG the shit some of these

OMG the shit some of these men let their kids get away with. My dad would murder me if I STOLE $13k from him (that's essentially what she did). With her entitled attitude, I hope he knows that not only will he never see the money from her, she will refuse to make the payments on it and he will be on the hook for that as well. So basically your husband just gave this girl $26k.

Lesson learned. I agree with everybody else. Seperate finances (that is, if you choose to stay, I would be down at the court house before DH knew what hit him if he did this) Take half of what is left in the savings (plus $6.5k to make up for the half that you essentially paid for her tuition out if that account) and go put it into an account with just your name on it.