Does spouse have right to relocate with bio kids?

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So Ill give you guys the fast version. Stepson 14 tries to cook 11:30 at night. Causes a huge argument. I push him he gets in my face and starts yelling. He's taller than me so sometimes I feel that I have to be physical to assert myself. Angry and upset, I told my wife either he goes or I go. And if not, this marriage is over. and i'll sue for custody of the kids(WE have 2 together, ages 5 and 3). I said I pay the rent so i have the right to say who stays. Yes the ultimatum was a bad move .but I refuse to sit in a house where a child yells in my face and does what they want. So wife buys ticket back to Philadelphia. We relocated to Minnesota 6 years ago from Philly. Takes kids out of school early. their last day is today. School is over June 2nd. Another dumb move. Why are you taking kids out of school early? then she tells her job she's transferring back to the Philly office. I am not quitting my job to move back east. I prefer to wait until I have a job first. Does wife have the right to take our kids and relocate them out of state? they were born in Minnesota. If you look it up, Most laws are regarding divorced or co parenting. We are still married.

Since you are still married,

Since you are still married, yes you both have the same rights to your children. File for separation and custody immediately.

Courts will typically weigh

Courts will typically weigh the many factors involved in a move. For example, if the custodial parent is getting a new job that pays more, is moving to be with family, the relationship between the parents and the children as well as how the move might effect the children. In some states (I'm not aware of Minnesota's laws) it's presumed that the custodial parent has a right to move with a minor child. But it varies by state. I believe in Minnesota that it's not presumed they have a right to move with their children--but the court could still grant that right based on various factors. .

I'd try to back down from the

I'd try to back down from the ultimatum, if possible, rather than escalating. If you split, she will most likely get custody...especially with kids that young and especially if she tells the court she felt she had to leave because you got physical and put your hands on her minor child. That's not going to look great for you...and, no, you don't "have to" get physical

But we are married. not

But we are married. not separated. She basically took it upon herself to quit her job and transfer to a different office. But I make more money. I have a car. She doesn't even have her license. Listen I do wanna move back east. but why would I quit a fulltime job with benefits to relocate without a new job lined up. I just registered my daughter for Kindergarten? So why take that way from them.

You gave the ultimatum,

You gave the ultimatum, dude...after pushing her son. She chose him and is acting on it. What choice did you leave her, really? Where's her minor son supposed to go. She can easily tell any judge that you kicked her out and she had to take a better job near her support system in order to afford her expenses.

I pushed him. It's not like I

I pushed him. It's not like I spanked him or anything like that. So I'm supposed to let him just cook at 11:30 at night?

So you think advice to spank

So you think advice to spank a 6 year old until his ass turns cherry red is all in good fun but pushing a 14 year old is out of line? Hmm.

I'm absolutely flabbergasted

I'm absolutely flabbergasted that this is an issue. Barring health issues (if stepkid has diabetes, kidney disease, high blood pressure, etc. obviously they would get in trouble because it is imperative they don't die from eating the wrong thing) I would never restrict anyone in my household from going into the kitchen and grabbing something to eat.

You know when we first started living together, my husband used to sneak into the kitchen for food. SNEAK. Then if I found him he'd apologize and act like a whipped dog. And I'd be like, what... the hell are you doing? Once I got it through to him that I'm not mad, just confused why he has to act like he's doing something wrong, he said his ex girlfriend used to fight with him if he went to get something from the fridge so he'd have to sneak. His exGF may not have been physically abusive, but she left scars on him that took a while to get over.

So teach him about leaving

So teach him about leaving enough of a portion for everyone else. Put a group of food in the fridge or the pantry or where the hell ever that all the kids are allowed to take to snack on any time they get hungry. Create good habits and coping skills through that, not through freakin' punishing someone for a normal, bodily desire (as if you've never been hungry or even peckish before) because I guarantee that creates a WHOLE host of issues in their relationship with food, which is a lifelong battle for some people.

I can tell you this method of parenting only creates people like DH's exGF, who consequently pass their neurosis onto other people who they have relationships with when they maintain rules like when someone can or cannot eat, when they can or cannot go in the fridge.

Ah, when her kids and

Ah, when her kids and stepkids battle their perceptions and relationship with food and wonder where it all went wrong...

That was my grandma. My mom battled her weight and bulimia her entire life because of grandma's strict rules for when to eat, how much to eat, where to eat, and what to eat. It's why my mom was so lax with food for us--she loved getting us treats and eating delicious meals and both myself and my sister are fit (sister is crossfit, I'm martial arts) with no issues in regards to eating. Oddly, my grandma never did the strict thing with us (if we were hungry after dinner, even after bed, a big ol' bowl of hot tea rice would be waiting for us), so I can thank my lucky stars that her neurosis stopped at one generation.

Alrighty. When he's sneaking

Alrighty. When he's sneaking junk not only because it tastes good but because it has the added flavoring of "rebellion" on it...

How Bad Habits Get Formed 101.

Getting a snack is one thing.

Getting a snack is one thing. but cooking late at night is another. especially being a child. If i say no cooking late at night, then that's the end of it.

because If i was to say no

because If i was to say no cooking, he would said ok and kept doing it. So he was cooking a grill cheese 11:30 at night when he should be in bed. He's standing in front of the stove trying to hide his sandwich. I grab it and throw it in the trash. He's angry and starts coming at me so i pushed him. That's how it started. I pushed him to get him away from me.

So, you are about to be

So, you are about to be divorced, stuck paying CS and having your visit when a judge says they can all over a damn grilled cheese sandwich.

It looks like you won the battle of the cheese, but lost the war.

How is his sandwich affecting

How is his sandwich affecting your life in any way.

Actually no. ONly his mom

Actually no. ONly his mom spanks him. I feel that I let a lot of stuff go. For example- there would be times where he wouldn't wake up for school. I would call his name over and over. yet nothing. Didnt want to drag him out of bed or be physical. He ends up missing school. Tell him to clean up his room. Just says ok yet nothing ever gets done. So it was mostly frustration from him doing what he wants. Doesnt clean up room, doesnt wake up for school and now you wanna cook when it's almost midnight. I had enough. If i give him leeway, he takes advantage and does nothing. If i touch him, I'm an abuser.

You shoved him and it can be

You shoved him and it can be considered assault. SHOVING A CHILD IS NOT PARENTING.

If your marriage survives, you need to DISENGAGE. Let his mother parent him. YOU parent your bios in between counseling appointments for anger management.

Why the hell can't he cook at

Why the hell can't he cook at 11:30 at night? Just wondering... Was he being loud and rude about it? If not, it doesn't seem like a good reason to push him. I remember making snacks all the time late at night when I was a teenager... I was respectful and quiet, and usually offered some of whatever I was making to anyone who was awake lol but this is normal in intact families, isn't it?

11 30 at night should be

11 30 at night should be bedtime. Plus remember kids have short attention spans. I can see it now. He goes in his room. forgets he has a sandwich cooking and burns the house down

What 14 year old would forget

What 14 year old would forget they're cooking and burn the house down? At 14 he's more than mature enough to cook something. I agree that 11:30 is a bit late but if he's hungry, he's hungry... Did you ask him first to make something quick instead of turning the oven on? I just don't see how the crime fits the punishment here. If you pushed my 14 year old son over something so small, I'd probably take any young kids we have and leave too... It's just one of those things most women know anger like that tends to escalate.

He's done it before. Well

He's done it before. Well forgot something was on the stove.

if someone was coming towards

if someone was coming towards you, what would you do?

Poor kid just wanted a

Poor kid just wanted a grilled cheese lol

You know what I'd do if someone wanted a grilled cheese in my house? At any time of the day/night? I remind them it might be easier to grab XYZ and get to bed but if they want a grilled cheese, go at it and make me one too

That's part of the problem.

That's part of the problem. you try to take away things like a phone or ipod, they try to hide it and you nearly have to grab it from them. I shouldn't have to go through that. I can't take away privileges. Can't spank. Im basically in a no win situation.

Based on the way you reacted

Based on the way you reacted to the boy making a cheese sandwich, I can understand why your soon to be exwife didn't allow you to discipline her kid.

What the absolute hell. Other

What the absolute hell. Other posters are not saying nearly what I want to say to you which is that if I were your wife, unless this minor child ASSAULTS you first, by the time you finish picking up your goddamn teeth from the floor, a divorce would be shoved WAY up your ass. How absolutely dare you.

Thank GOD she left, good for her, and I hope she takes you to the damn cleaners when the divorce comes. She should have been a little smarter and called the freakin' police and CPS.

What a jerkwad.

So everyone here thinks I

So everyone here thinks I took it too far? Maybe I did. Im just tired of kids doing what they want. Eating in their room, cooking whenever they want. I'm not making excuses but just saying something doesn't work. I shouldn't have to yell. I shouldn't have to even touch them. if i say go to bed, they wont move. I can't live like this where kids do what they want

You aren't gonna get in my

You aren't gonna get in my face like you're about to fight

Had you thrown away MY food

Had you thrown away MY food and SHOVED ME? You better call the ambulance BEFORE you try to push me around. I have never started a fight in my life, but, by God, I have FINISHED Every.Single.One.

YOU need counseling. I don't care if the boy is bigger than you are. He is a 14yo CHILD.

YOU are the problem. SEEK THERAPY FOR YOUR ANGER ISSUES.

Your stbexW will most likely bring up your abusive behavior in court to ensure she has custody. SMDH

So take away electronics or

So take away electronics or whatever else is something they like. Have his mom deal with it. She's their parent. Jesus.

In my house growing up, food, thirst, bathroom, and clothes were the four things that were NEVER restricted no matter what the time. I wake up in the middle of the night hungry? I go downstairs and make myself a bowl of ramen or a sandwich or heat up whatever leftovers are in the fridge. If my mom hears me and wakes up, she came down to check what I'm doing and then joins me for a meal too.

Or she'll wake my sister and take us into the city for a late night meal. Some of my absolute fondest memories.

If you are tired of your

If you are tired of your wife's kids not doing what they are told then essentially you are tired of your wife because she is the one that should be enforcing the rules you both agree too.

Look, I get it, in a sense.

I have teen skids, too...and I used to HATE when they took food and squirreled it into their rooms or were up at all hours doing god knows what when I had to work the next day...in a home that I paid for and maintained...but I would never have put my hands on them. I took my issues to their dad and asked him to deal with it. Lather, rinse, repeat.

And I have no kids of my own and would have been fine to give DH the boot with his brats. I certainly wouldn't discipline in that way in your shoes...way too much to lose.

Thank you. So basically let

Thank you. So basically let the mother deal with it and if I don't like the way she parents. then it's better to just leave?

They eat in their rooms, they

They eat in their rooms, they are on the ipod late at night. I try to give them some leeway. but there's been times this school year where he wouldn't even get out of bed. I yell his name over and over. He's missed school because of this and makes us look bad. OH yeah SS wouldn't wake up.

they're 5 and 3. I take any

they're 5 and 3. I take any electronics before bedtime. I dont have to wrestle it from my 5 year old. Again, if i give leeway they take it to the extreme. prime example-IM about to leave work. and when I get home, the house will be a mess and I will have to clean up. Kids don't do chores at all.

What on earth is wrong with a

What on earth is wrong with a kid cooking something at anytime if he's hungry??

I'm gobsmacked. Wow.

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Does spouse have right to relocate with bio kids?