I'm jealous in certain ways, I suppose.

I'm jealous that she has evenings and weekends off from parenting.
I'm jealous that I don't get an extra 400$ a month to spend on myself.
I'm jealous that I don't get to have as clean a house as I would if there wasn't toys everywhere.

I'm not jealous that she's skids mom and that SO has his firsts with her... SO has told me he wished that I was his kids mom. Sadly, he also told BM this... a long time ago... and I don't think she got over it.

We're not (planning on) having any kids together. He's got his, I've got mine - and we all work together and act like a family. He's got his firsts with her, I've got my firsts with my ex-h... but WE have a LIFETIME. That's what matters.

I think it's normal for all human beings (female and male) to occasionally have some feelings of jealousy. The key to whether it is a problem or not is how often you have them, how intense they are and most importantly, do they affect your behavior - and if so, how badly?

One way to combat the jealousy is when you are having the feelings of not "being first" in your DH's life, then rephrase those thoughts in your head, "I may not be his first wife, but I am his BEST and LAST wife!"

I get it. However, I make a conscious decision to not waste my time with the what ifs of what has already happened.

You are your DH's present and future. You have tow boys together. You will have far more firsts with DH than the XW/BM had and the same will go for you and DH raising your own two boys together. Since you are raising SS-11 in your home and family any firsts are yours too.

I overcame the "feelings" you are lamenting by engaging and making damned sure I did whatever was necessary to minimize the interference of the SpermIdiot and SpermClan in my marriage and my family.

Feelings are easily overcome by action. Feelings are also a choice. Make a different one.

Good luck and take care of you.

I wish my feelings were simply jealousy, but unfortunately, they are not...jealousy is an easier emotion to get passed, maybe a counselor could even help me if so, one might think.The counselor says it is easy to say problems are jealousy, when the other explanation is harder to define..There is not one thing about them I envy, seriously; not one shred of jealousy; they just disgust me. And, that is the feeling that does not go away.

I am just tired, very tired. Tired of the remarks, glances, the subtle and not so subtle put downs and soooo tireed of dadeeeeeee coverups, mistatement, omissions; his outright lies to make everything appear peachy to me....tired of my expectations, tired of having no voice and tired of being lugged around like a piece of unwanted furniture with no room.

I never feel jealous but I always feel tired of the same infinite BS.

Nope is the answer to your question. Nothing to be jealous of in my situation.

Try to be a good example to your step child. BUT remember to focus on your 2 boys that also need you to be their mom. ALL of their mom, not part of their mom.

I hope that makes sense.

Does your step child have material family that are decent upright citizens? Perhaps some visits should be arranged????

I used to dwell on it a lot that I settled for a man with baggage and I came with none. But I didn't want to have a pity party for myself any longer.

Then...bm got pregnant from her boyfriend who has 5 kids and they all moved in together. I'm sure she's having a blast with 7 kids in that house rofl.

I never get jealous. Annoyed?? YES But never Jealous. Maybe because I had all my first with someone else too. And because when we married, we never had any desire to have an "us" baby. NO WAY!!! We were both done having children.
The only time I get really annoyed is when DH starts talking about the trips he and BM took, the Season tickets for football they had, blah blah blah.
We have NONE of that. Of course I have realized over the years that DH likes to embellish things a bit. To hear him talk, he and BM went to the Bahamas every year for decades. Come to find out it was twice and before they had children. They did have season tickets to pro football but I could care less about that.
But no one wants to hear their spouse go on and on about former relationship, regardless of whether it is BM or not.

My DH and I don't have any children of our own. He has two sons with his ex-wife. I feel jealous that he and I do not get to have a relationship that is just for us. I feel like he wasted that on his ex-wife. They had a terrible dysfunctional relationship, where she was abusive and likely has borderline personality disorder. It makes me so angry that he was able to just have an adult relationship with her, that he didn't have to juggle kids and another woman when they started building their life today. Every decision we make - where we live, what we spend our money on, where we go on vacation, what we do with our free time - is driven by his children. I try to point out to him that he needs to be more sympathetic to me when I get upset, because he got the chance to build a life with someone without the constraints of a past life and I didn't. Also, he didn't have anyone else telling him how to spend his money, etc, when I have to deal not only with ways he's assumed he will spend his money, but with demands from his ex wife on how he should spend his money above and beyond child support. It also drives me crazy when he talks about how he used to do things when he was married previously. According to how he tells it, he was miserable, so why would he want to relive any of it. So, maybe I don't feel jealous of her personally (she is a miserable person, who still is not happy despite the fact that she filed for divorce after meeting "a beautiful, beautiful man" who she's now married to), but I do feel jealous that she got to have a childfree relationship with my husband and I feel bad for him that he had to waste all that on her.

I have never been jealous of my DH's past. It had nothing to do with what we have now. I had my past and it is the PAST. I do not live in the past. DH was married 23 years with BM (3 kids). I was married 17 years with my Ex (2 sons). I divorced my Ex due to his jealousy; it is a sickness. DH and I have been married 37 years (no kids together).

DH and I have made mountains of good memories and we've had our difficult times. We have overcome more than I would wish on anyone, even my worst enemy.

I am not jealous; I am mad at my DH and have been working through that for the past 3 years. I'm hoping to overcome the anger that I have, in regards to the betrayal of our marriage, inflicted by DH to SD.

I began by disengaging from SD eight years ago. Then I found out, three years ago, from SD, through a two page hate email, that for the past 15 years DH has been running to SD confiding in her about everything to do with our marriage. Yes, everything. Now you would think that I would be jealous, but I feel total disappointment in the man that I trusted with my heart and soul.

DH did this to me, not SD; of course SD enjoyed it all. Now I understand what happened to my DH's first marriage. DH & SD vs. BM.

Second marriage: DH & SD vs. Me; surprise to them I am on top of this and now have the upper hand. They did not expect me to take control and flush my home of both of them. DH and I are putting it back together now, but I am still angry and do not trust neither DH or SD.

So instead of handling Jealousy, I am attempting to handle anger.

To advise you how to handle it; do not wrap your mind around jealousy, work at being happy. I am determined to beat this anger and never go back where I am open to mistreatment.

Not the least bit jealous. I am light years superior to both of DH's exes. Whether he was in my life or not both of these women would just be irrelevant in my life.

I don't mean to be snobbish or obnoxious about my accomplishments as I truly believe in not judging people by "what they have achieved in life", but there is no reason for me to feel inferior to these two women.

But it really has nothing to do with all of my degrees and life achievements - BM (first wife) was a sexually promiscuous teen who conceived both of her children not only out of wedlock but from ONSs. Second wife was the bitch from hell who almost everyone hates, and who left DH to remarry her worthless cheating first husband.

My DH practically worships the ground I walk on - not because I am any saint - but because I am at least someone a normal decent human being. I am not a hobag nor do I cheat. I may not love his worthless son - but my DH knows his son's many failings.

I've never felt jealous but I know BM2 does. She's had a few grand blows to her ego since she's moved back here. She tried putting out feelers to DH and DH shut that down and let her know that he was very much in love with me. She tried talking to SS and he let her know that he loves living with DH and I, loves us both (that part she hated the most) and loved it here. Then he gave me a stepmum card for Mother's Day and she ran my name through the dirt.

I have nothing to be jealous of but she's fuming, licking her wounds and telling DH via text she may go back to Cyprus and never return. Bye, don't let the airport gates hit ya on ya way out!

Duplicate

Never forget that BM has only your DH's past. You are his present and his future. Don't give BM that much space in your head.

I've never been jealous that DH had a daughter with someone before he met me.

But, I have been jealous of his relationship with his daughter; it's a very co-dependent one. Their heads are so far up each others' hind ends that I'm surprised their hair isn't brown. I truly wish DH would be as dedicated and in love with me as he is with his daughter. But,it's never going to happen; I've gotten immune to most of the lovey-dovey talk but there are times it is very, very hard to ignore.

I don't identify with the word jealous. I wouldn't want a father/child relationship with DH. BUT the feeling of being an outsider, of not being wanted around, can hurt like a son of a bitch!

not jealous but angry that dh puts the children before me.

bm had custody and when the skids came for visits i was invisible to dh. he was so insanely the disney dad and i was the invisible cook, maid and nanny. it got really irritating so after a while i just let him go alone and play disney with the skids. i also asked him to hire a sitter while he was at work.

I think I've felt jealous of the fact that BM got it made - she had a child with DH and she's had to put NO work in whatsoever - nothing financial or emotional; everything falls on me and I sometimes wonder if she's laughing at the whole situation. I'm pregnant with my first but I've pretty much raised my stepdaughter and it makes me really jealous that i have to sit here and figure out what to do with HER daughter so MY husband can come with me to the hospital. I have to sit here and figure out how to keep the peace and show love to my SD despite wanting to spend ALL of my baby's first moment's with my baby and no one else.

She never had to deal with problems like this. She got to have her first baby and enjoy every moment of it with no stress. She then got to leave when it got hard but still gets to have fun with her child in the summer when it's easy and there's no responsibility. Everything difficult about raising her kid was left to me and my husband and none of it is dealt with by her. So yeah, I guess I do get jealous.