So I messed up, how do I fix it?
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So, at a family function, talking to relatives about our various step kids and issues we've had in the passed and SD16 hiding close hears conversation. So now rants to DH how 2 Faced I am and everything is blown out of proportion...... So how do I fix this. All the good I've done is not going to count. Help
If what you said was true,
If what you said was true, then own it.
She would not have heard you had enough not been sneaking around.
I agree own it and tell you
I agree own it and tell you husband you do not appreciate her listening in on your private conversation and then going to him to tattle on you.
I agree that you need to own
I agree that you need to own what you have said. I wouldn't apologise for speaking the truth but I would apologise for how those comments hurt her. i.e "What I said was true at the time it was all happening but its not how I feel about you now and I'm sorry if me bringing up the past hurt you." Do you enjoy being with/like your SD now? I would try to have a conversation with her with the father present. Explain the different things you said, how they made you feel at the time they actually happened and more importantly how you feel now (if it is positive). If there were times she was awful to you/resented you, use these as examples of relationships that can change for the better. I have told my 13yo SD that she was a shit to me in the past but that I love her like she's my own child now. She gets it.
^^^^^This^^^^^ Own it and
^^^^^This^^^^^
Own it and discuss with her and SO present so there is no question as to what was said. They tend to put a worse spin on it to their parent if you arent present also. I've been there - and sometimes still end up there. Yes you "own it" but don't let them deflect from the fact that she was eavesdropping on adult conversation to begin with which is never acceptable!
Thanks peeps. Much help. I
Thanks peeps. Much help. I told the truth. Was explaining a situation where she had thought I had disregarded/ did not show appreciation for a gift she had given me for Christmas. She thought that I had thrown it in a corner. Unfortunately my mother who has dementia had picked it up from the dining room table and moved it to a corner in the kitchen. I had been frantically looking for it and when I found it was upset but relieved. Anyway I was trying to explain that it's difficult because the worst scenario is alway thought of first. Anyway. It is what it is and I own it.
That's it?! Seems SD is a
That's it?! Seems SD is a brat if that is what she is tattling about. Seems she's got you running scared of her and daddykins. Hopefully you haven't entered Doormat World.
I agree with the others who
I agree with the others who have advised that you own it and initiate a direct face to face conversation with SD about the topic. My kid clearly understands that the past is part of what makes the present and our experiences navigating historical issues are a critical part of what makes us so close now.
Start that process with your SD. You are not two faced, you are sharing the lessons of your SParenting journey with others. This should include you and SD recounting the journey that you have experienced together.
My wife, son (SS) and I have some great laughs and lots of hugs recounting all that we experienced together during the years we were learning to be a family and during the trials and tribulations of the teen boy brain fart years.
This has happened to me a
This has happened to me a couple of times with my step son. My first reaction was worry and embarrassment. But you should not feel this way. You should use it as an opportunity to say, first of all, it is extremely inappropriate to eavesdrop on adult conversations, but second of all, I am a person too and I have issues with you and I need to be able to talk to friends and people no different than I'm sure you do !! I can't say this enough. I am tired of step kids feeling like they have immunity to do whatever they want becuuse "they are the kid". No! You are a person with feelings and she is old enough to know that. I would have a mature conversation with this girl and let her know the major issues you have and ask her if she is willing to work on them along with you for the sake of the family.
Have