Thanks for responding. DH took SS14 to rehab as soon as he found out about the drugs. He's been hospitalized in the past for the cutting, and he has a team of therapist, PCP, and Psychiatrist managing his medications and therapy, he'll also be in Narcotics Anonymous soon. His outpatient care for rehab is just finishing up. All his mental illness boils down to is one simple idea: he needs CALM. Just as negatives can't be too negative, positives can't be too high either, just gives him anxiety. And of course BM is nuts, it's not like SS14's mental illness jumped into him out of the blue, our family therapist says she's demonstrated borderline traits, and bi-polar traits, but won't give an official diagnosis, as BM hates this therapist, for expressing an honest opinion about her, and not ganging up on DH like she expects everyone to do.

I think DH is getting that about the kids not dictating where they sleep. It was just another seed planted by BM that they get to choose when they turn 12, which GROSSLY backfired, because SS14 was like "I'm out" as was her step-son. She just dug her claws into SS11 when he complained about her and her husband to the cops and referred the complaints to CPS. We'll see what happens. I just hate living with instability, and the best I can do is focus on myself and my kids as much as I can, which goes against my personal grain of caring problem solver.

We've had a custody case pending for years. The law guardian advised DH to never drop it while the kids are minors, because then she'll always be around to write up transitional orders without having to go to court. We've easily sunk $50K into fighting with her. It got botched up when a court ordered psychologist interviewed both parents with both kids, under really unfair, abnormal circumstances, and made no effort to contact any professionals, or step-parents involved and declared the kids should be with BM. It just sort of went by the wayside after that and quieted down until she called DH telling him she can't deal with SS14 anymore and he's now his problem. She's blown through 4 lawyers...the most recent one (our lawyer said) the entire office essentially "draw the blinds" when they see her coming. Our lawyer told DH off the record, generally people calm down after 6 years, this is abnormal, and she will probably never stop. The best thing to do is utilize the law guardian. She's also going to talk to SS11. BM lives outside our district, and they will expel him if he isn't living in our district, making little effort to get to school, and pulling their GPA and testing scores down. Why should they keep him? He is NOT okay with changing schools, so he'll be returning this weekend, and gonna start telling mom he wants to spend the night here on a daily basis so she won't notice.

Unfortunately, both the law guardian and our lawyer agree the Judge in our case will never take parental rights away, and changing Judges is a huge gamble, we could get one that's all pro-mom, and we wouldn't have someone who knows the ins and outs of this...It's not that he's being unfair about it either, he's just well aware of the amount of emotional poison she would inflict on the kids, and cutting the ties completely when there is a relationship causes more harm than good. That's what we're seeing with SS14, only He's the one cutting the ties and trying to make peace with it. SS11 has a better relationship with his mom, they get along, she just neglects to get him to school, and gives him anxiety that presents itself in nervous ticks and OCD (recently diagnosed with tourettes and mild OCD) and guilts him about being around me, and has a scary ass husband. The silver lining is they have a 50/50 custody situation, so the law guardian can change the visitation schedule to better meet the kids' schooling needs... ie...he sleeps here on school nights and with her on weekends and summer, that sort of thing.

That's essentially what's happening. DH is also disabled with psoriatic arthritis which makes things even harder. It's not that he's trying to be an idiot, it's that he's dealing with above and beyond ridiculous, and the system is not set up to help regular people, it's only set up to help rich people, which we are not. She can behave however she wants, because she has nothing to lose, because she knows this judge will never take her kids. Beyond that she can waste time showing up with no lawyer, legal aid, and whatever poor sap she lied to that will eventually turn her away. We keep spending money like this, and there will be nothing left for college, retirement, keeping our own home etc.