So I am the reason we can't all live together..

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So i am slowly losing my Sh*t in this family and i am sick and tired of SS20 leaving his stuff lying around...i ask nicely, i give ultimatums and then.....i throw away. I dont think i am being unreasonable. My car gets trashed wuth his hairgel and coffee cups and sometimes they still have coffee in them...but i am not allowed to get upset and heaven forbid...throw the hairgel in the dirtbin!!! SO now is saying he and SS20 must leave and we must sell our house....WTF...they must just go..i dont want another 10 years of this sh*t!!!

Am I understanding you

Am I understanding you correctly, your husband is threatening to leave you with the SS because you have expressed you are sick of this treatment for ten years?

We own the house jointly. We

We own the house jointly. We have only had it for 1 year so selling now would not allow us to cover our bond and all the loans that i am paying back for the lawyers and transfer fees. I think that SO is posturing as he always does this when he doesnt know how to deal with things in our family that involve his son. Its sad that we can't sit down and talk it out. I also have a BD17 in the house and she is also messy but not a shade as bad as SS20. I have told her that i will throw her stuff away as well if she doesnt pull her self together. The issue here really is that SS20 has told his father that he will not keep his stuff tidy because BD17 doesn't.... which includes keeping mouldy food in his room. I have a constant fight with her about her clothes on the floor and usual mugs in the room which teenagers do. He is working now and needs to show an example to her.

"He is working now and needs

"He is working now and needs to show an example to her." WHAT???

It isn't your SS's responsibility to set the example for your kid. You have raised this girl for 17 years and can't get her to follow your rules/ instructions. However, you expect a 20 year to be able to do what you can't. :? :?

I think your SO made the right decision. Both kids are slobs,but you condemned one while making excuses for the other.

Disneyfan with all due

Disneyfan with all due respect, you don't know what i live with and what my circumstances are for you to say something like that! My daughter is a normal, straight-A, hardworking (at school) teenager, yes i am her role model and i am anything but a slob!!! I dont really expect him to set an example but rather NOT to use her as an excuse to mess up and not clean his 3 bug-infested rooms...yes 3 rooms are inhabited by his mess!! My SO doesnt seem to think this is an issue. Do you have teenagers and adult kids living together in one house?

"He is working now and needs

"He is working now and needs to show an example to her."

" I dont really expect him to set an example but rather NOT to use her as an excuse to mess up and not clean his 3 bug-infested rooms...yes 3 rooms are inhabited by his mess!!"

:? :? :?

I responded to what you posted in your first post. You said you needs to show her an example. Now you say you don't expect that.

And yeah, both kids are slobs. It sounds like SS is a nasty slob while your daughter is just a junky slob. Chances are your SO (and his son)views this as you freaking about his slob while making excuses for yours.

Disneyfan with all due

Hi Canyouhelp. We are not

Hi Canyouhelp. We are not married but have been together for almost 11 years. My stepson is the most messy and destructive child....man now (he's 20 years old)that i have ever met!! He smokes and throws the butts in my garden..leaves ash on my table on the deck. He leavex his cigarette box and lighter outside as well. Whenever we have guests over..i die of embarrassment at the mess outside that he has created. I speak to my fiance' about it and he does nothing. Am i being unreasonable to expect him to put his stuff away in his room? Everytime we argue about this..or about SS20...my fiance' wants us to rather break up. I am at the point where i would let it happen!

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

"Our House" is the key here.

"Our House" is the key here. Move them out; sounds like your SO wants out anyway.

Now your teen daughter issue should be treated the same way.

You need to be fair here with all involved.

Maybe a family round table would solve some issues, if your SO hasn't decided he's had enough of his SD17 and really wants out.

Set some boundaries for everyone, including yourself. Delegate duties and stick to it.

I am sorry MaGoose, it is

I am sorry MaGoose, it is hurtful when you cannot get somebody you love to listen to you, much less support you. It is none of my business, but why did you guys not get married in the first place before purchasing a home, etc.? I think you have made this situation mighty convenient for your BF and easy," if things do not go my way, I am out of here," so to speak. Well, so be it...he threatens it, so give him what he is asking for....I made a mistake just buying land with a man I dated for many years; it ended and we had to divide the land value just like we had been married with attorneys and everything, he had been in contact with his old girlfriend (before me) the entire ten years we were together and buying property together, planning our future, etc. Some men try to string you along for financial gain, I am thinking that was his goal with me, so watch for this and do not tolerate it, if you believe it is happening to you. In the end, I got the money I put into the land, but it was not worth all the torture he made me endure. He is with the girlfriend before me now, lol...

Tell HIM to go, you can get through this..Do not tolerate his threatening behavior, call him on it....you have nothing to lose, and money can be made again.....even if you lose a little in the long run you may find somebody who has more respect for your feelings and contributions.

There must be other issues??

There must be other issues?? Is this the only issue that the 20 year old is a slob?? When my child was this age she was the same. It's typical from a teenager or even early 20s. Maybe your hubs has other reasons??? I feel for you it is very frustrating dealing with a slob!! If your hubs is not on board with making ss keep things clean then things won't Change.

"When I met fh one of my

"When I met fh one of my requirements was that whoever I get involved with must accept my children, as my ex hated my son from my previous marriage and made his life a living hell for 12 years. But now I feel like a hypocrite as I cannot accept his kids." [6yr old post of OP]

Remember your own words, OP. Not much has changed from when your last husband had no tolerance for your bio-kid. Just now it's you with no tolerance for your latest husband's kid.

Face it. Both your stepson AND your bio-daughter are slobs. Neither of them are respectful as to your home and neither of them particularly care whether you or your husband like it.

Time to sit both of them down and you and husband have a Come to Jesus meeting with them.

Or just toss your hands up and leave. You don't get to deem SS the pot without recognizing the bio-kid sitting next to him is the kettle. No more excuses for daughter unless you can bring yourself to give SS excuses too.

No doubt there is more going

No doubt there is more going on SINCE dh is allowing his 20 year old adult kid live at home, still.

For example and decent parent would tell the kid to CLEAN UP after yourself and back OP up.

It is apparent this is not the case.
You may want to check your state common law marriage laws.

SORRY about this,,,the 20 year old should be out on their own. Living with roomates

It sounds to me that things

It sounds to me that things are exactly where they need to be for you to begin a new life adventure and put this toxic shallow and polluted gene pool far in yoru rear view mirror.

Good luck.

20 yr old needs to seriously

20 yr old needs to seriously get a life. He's comparing his behavior to a 17yr old girl's and saying how unfair things are. This little teenage drama is over for him as he is an adult now. Is he in college or working, or is he just living the cush life as an overgrown adolescent?

I'd say let them go and let daddy coddle his kid elsewhere. This enabling behavior is very hard for a parent to break.

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So I am the reason we can't all live together..