My BD really loves DH now but it took quite some time and lots of patience on his part. When DH and I first got together BD was in that horrible "tween" age and a total pill, she didn't trust any men at all (her BF is a pathalogical liar) and certainly didn't like the fact that we were moving in with DH when we married. DH was sweet but also expected respect from her and BS so things slowly fell into place, she is 19 now and she will tell DH that she loves him but she will always hold her BF in a special place, even tho he is an a$$! This can't be an easy situation for you honey, I don't envy you at all but it's wonderful that your DH is there for your BD.

~Evil

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren

speak ill of her father. She will figure things out by herself. If, as she gets older, starts to piece things together and directly asks something, DON'T LIE tell her the truth, and include that she is lucky because she has you & her stepfather. If he is a good man there is a great chance she will bond with him.

And unfortunately, I've known quite a few afflicted with it.

So if she asks, I think it's OK to say he's sick. It is remotely possible that he may recover though it sounds pretty unlikely.

Sometimes I am glad that we do live in a time where it is socially acceptable for a mom to leave a bad situation like that. Think of the generations previous that would stick it out no matter how awful because it was what you were supposed to do, and how many alcoholics 'blossomed' under such conditions.

You're doing right by your kid.

I was married to my first husband at 18 and had my daugher, now almost 22, shortly after. He behaved erratically at times to the point I was afraid of him. He would get this look in his eye like someone else had taken over. Someone I did not know. He drank the whole time we were married and even before. I later found out long after we divorced that he was using meth. When I look back he was probably doing it while we were married too. His behavior was so much different than someone who was just drinking.

I never had to tell my daughter much about her dad. We divorced when she was 5. I chose not to since there wasn't much positive information to give her. I kept quiet only mentioning once to her that he had never paid child support. She figured out on her own he was doing bad things. After we divorced, we never knew where he was. Sometimes out of the blue he would call to speak with her.

I did not coddle her though because she grew up without a father figure. There were still rules and punishment if she got out of line. I will say I never had any trouble with her growing up except for being a slob and deliberately testing me on issues. The typical smart mouth teenager. She was a little rebellious in a quiet kind of way and she did not really date until she was 18. Never drank, did drugs or had premarital sex. I never heard her curse. She married a wonderful guy last May. They are both Christians and associate mainly with other Christians. They belong to a wonderful church they live nearby. I guess she turned out pretty good despite dear ol' dad. Or lack thereof.

In 2003 apparently her dad was living in Joplin, MO and died in a car accident. There is a write up in the Joplin Globe about it where the cab driver describes what happened. It's pretty bad. Basically he had been drinking all night and was picked up at a pub. Driving around he couldn't give the cab driver a good home address which makes me believe he was homeless. He takes over the cab and slams it into a tree at a high rate of speed. LE said it was in excess of 100 MPH. It was several days before we found out about it. I had his body brought back here and buried. His immediate family simply did not care enough to do it. Here's the write-up if you're interested. There's three pages to it.

http://www.joplinglobe.com/siteSearch/apstorysection/local_story_098145542

It's better if a parent is going to do those kinds of things, they leave and don't subject the kids to it. In my case, my ex had commented to my sister that he was moving out of state because he was afraid he was going to do something to hurt my daughter. I used to have nightmares that he pulled up at her school and grabbed her. I guess this is one of those situations that God takes into his own hands. He can take a bad situation and make some good come of it. I do know that at one point my ex was "saved" in church and so that makes us all feel a little better.

My ex is headed to the same place at yours sixxnguns and Harley, only, he's still involved to some degree.

He only sees the girls EOW when I drop them off and pick them up because he lost his license (alcohol related hit and run) Is in and out of jail/court for related offenses, a compulsive liar, gambler and alcoholic. He doesn't call the girls, pay CS and lies to the girls constantly. It broke my heart to level with my 4 yo and tell her "Daddy is lying to you." and trying to explain to her how he could do that.

While neither of us has ended visitation altogether, I'm almost looking forward to him phasing himself out for the future heart ache I feel he'll pass on to my kids.

You are absolutely right !!!