I can't remember if I ever posted about this on ST so please excuse me if I am repeating my "vent" here ...

My older sister is a meddler. Big time. Always has been. She meddled in my parents marriage (saying bad sh!t about my mom to my dad and other family members) prior to, and during, their divorce.

She meddled in my father's re-marriage and eventually drove the woman away - used the classic "Either she goes or you will never see me again!" BS to my father. It all became too much after a few years, and the woman cut her losses and left.

She meddles in other relatives' marriages. She actively encouraged/coached one cousin to divorce his wife even though the marriage may have been saved with counseling.

She meddles with her friends' marriages. She is very sneaky about it, and often couches it that she is only looking out for the individual's best interests, all while leaving a destructive wake behind her.

She cannot, and has not, ever been able to maintain a healthy relationship for herself. She has been single her entire life, and almost any man she gets involved with usually runs for the hills in short order. The few she has kept around long term were either very, very strange or used her to their advantage financially (eg. living with her for free).

She is also what I call an "emotional vulture" ... she has had a couple of female friends who have died, and in short order my sister has swooped in on the (unsuspecting) widower to offer "assistance" and "guidance." In once case, it caused a huge rift between the widower and his adult daughter partly because of my sister's activities - which took their family a couple of years to work out. I think it was resolved only because the daughter caught on to my sister's manipulative tactics and put her foot down. Her dad, highly susceptible to my sister's whispers, took awhile to catch on himself.

Like the old saying goes, when people show you who they are - believe them. My sister is fundamentally a manipulative, nasty person - who is pretty miserable and sad deep down. So I do have some sympathy for her. But I have no illusions that she will ever change - not at this stage of her life since she is in her 60's. If anything, she'll probably get worse.

My biggest problem is how she has ingrained herself with my SO's family. After only meeting them once, within a short period of time she invited herself to go visit them overseas, even though the "invitation" they offered her was really done as a polite, casual invite. (Eg. If you are ever in our country, stop by and visit!... kind of thing). She spent several days with them and acts as though this is "her" family.

Since then, she regularly writes, e-mails, and sends gifts to members of my SO's family. This includes my SO's parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, as well as his sister's now-EX husband, and the boyfriends/girlfriends of the nieces and nephews! This has been going on for years. Some of these people she's only met once, briefly!

She speaks about them TO ME like she is the one who has the primary relationship with them. She will say things like, "so-and-so went on a vacation." as though she is privvy to info I am not. I always burst her bubble by telling her I am well aware of what my boyfriend's family is doing.

She talks about my SO as though she knows more about him than I do. She does this with other female relatives, too. She will says things like, "Oh, knowing (him/your spouse) LIKE I DO, I am sure he was not happy with this-or-that. Did you tell him to do such-and-such? If you didn't you are crazy."

I have warned my SO from the beginning of what my sister is capable of. When I first heard about her trip to visit his family, I warned him that this is how she starts ingratiating herself. And she has run true to form. His family are all very kind and caring people, and due to cultural differences are not quite certain what to make of it. So they go along with it. Although they may think it's all a bit strange, they know Americans are "friendly" and probably figure this is how we all act.

But something happened recently that the last straw for me.

I do not have much of a relationship with SD26, for a variety of the (usual) reasons. SD and now-fiance went to stay in my SO's vacation home, which is the same town my sister lives in. I learned that my SO had sent my sister an e-mail, letting her know SD was going to be there at his place. Although SD didn't need anything, he just wanted to let my sister know in case any serious problem cropped up. Fool that he is, he went and gave my sister SD's phone number! I do not believe my sister called/texted her ... yet.

Now I learn that my sister has begun "stalking" SD on Facebook. She has been telling me things she has seen on SD/fiance's public FB page. Like, "I see that SD's fiance does such-and-such as a volunteer." I can only imagine it will be a matter of time before she figures out a way to make direct contact and try to establish a relationship with SD.

It was bad enough that she had co-opted my SO's family. Now she appears to be figuring out a way to worm her way into SD's life. If this happens, it will be the point of no return for me. Particularly because SD and I do not really have a relationship and it has caused some strife between my SO and I, like it does most of us in step situations. My sister knows that I am not close to SD, thus she sees this as yet another opportunity for her to go after someone's emotional jugular.

When confronted on anything she does, my sister is EXTREMELY nasty and hostile - and will have no problem with cutting people out of her life - for years. She did this to own mother - didn't speak to her for more than 5 years because she was told to butt out of something. She cut my mother out, but continued with her shenanigans with the other people including MY MOTHER'S SIBLINGS, telling them how awful my mother was.

I have asked my SO to warn his family about what she does and let them know that this kind of interference upsets me and that it has caused extreme damage in my own family, but he won't. I understand his position somewhat - he doesn't feel it's "their" problem - it's between me and my sister. And he is right in that regard.

I know that if I confront her about all this, it will cause two things: One, she will know she has "won" because she got into my life and is causing strife, which she will be gleeful about. Two, she will cut me off completely and will start her back-stabbing campaign with everyone in my life she's gotten a toe-hold with. Including my SO's family.

Quite honestly, I am at the stage that if I have to confront her and lose our relationship it will be a relief be be rid of this kind of toxicity. While my sister does have some redeeming qualities, when it comes to others' relationships she will never stop her meddling.

I feel like I am in a lose-lose. Sigh.