BM being shitty (shocking I know.)
So, Fiance and I live separately for now until our tiny home is built. Mostly my choice as I know my living with fiance before we are married isn't looked well upon during custody cases.
Anyway. Fi lives with his Mom right now, again while the tiny home is built. Im lucky shes pretty amazing.
So today was the first official court ordered custody switch.
So BM decided that she didn't want to following the, uh the paper work they signed about how parents should treat the other during custody switch?
Anyway that paperwork states when custody changes the custodial parent needs to have the child happy, fed and well cared for and all the babies clothes and toys clean and such.
Sent the baby to FI no clean clothes, baby hasnt had a nap, no pull ups, baby hasn't eaten all day and its 6pm.
So. I advised FI to let her sleep for 30mins or so since she passed out on the three minute car ride home, give her a snack and go play in the yard with Daddy's drone and the dog until dark. Then food and she should be ready for bed.
Im thinking that should work well. Then baby can be ready for the aquarium with Daddy, Grandma and SM tomorrow!
Grandma went out and bought baby new clothes after they got back home.
Seriously, and just wait
Seriously, and just wait until "baby" is a teenager, must she be happy at each exchange then? This just affirms my belief that the family court system is a huge joke.
If I were the BM, the only
If I were the BM, the only thing I'd be exchanging would be the baby. Why should she pack him a bag? As the child's father who is court ordered to get overnights, I'd hope he'd already have all of these necessities for his child...or does he really think BM should send all of her diapers/clothes/snacks to him? Nope. Be an adult and tell your DH to stop knit picking the BM for the things that he should be providing while in his care.
Hi thanks for being so
Hi thanks for being so rude!
Yeah Ive been here for 36mins. And? A girlfriend of mine used ST a few years back and reminded me of it.
Yes we are building a tiny home. And I was paraphrasing the documents they both signed since I do not have thr actual documents in front of me. It's with the same paperwork as the children's bill of rights during a divorce.
Thanks for your help.
Im assuming a bunch
Im assuming a bunch of...eh..trolls attacked the bord recently?
No biggie. Just raised my hackles a bit.
Dupe. But I'll reply to the
Dupe.
But I'll reply to the other comment. This was the first court ordered custody switch. Fi didn't want to go to court over custody until he picked baby up recently and found her drinking water out of a mini liquor bottle.
Bm told him she stopped drinking. Well obviously not. So emergency temp child custody was filed Tuesday. He wanst prepared for it to be totally honest.
Who was rude? How old is the
Who was rude?
How old is the child? I can't imagine a toddler enjoying a drone for more than a few minutes if not immediately terrified.
Kiddo is 4 and a bit of a
Kiddo is 4 and a bit of a tomboy, if Dad likes it baby wants to play with it. She even enjoys his transformers
its pretty adorable.
The other day they were watching star wars and ahe ran around impersonating bb8 the rest of the night I've been pondering making her a bb8 tutu. Haven't figured it out yet exactly.
Four year olds aren't 'the
Four year olds aren't 'the baby'.
Nap? Happy? Just try getting a 4yr old to take a nap if they aren't sleepy or just feeling resistant. Most kids are pretty 'happy' at that age on an overall basis, they can also be cranky whiny obstinate brats if the mood strikes.
Not that Dad knows the child has needs at his house, he can set about supplying his place with some clothing, toys, appropriate snacks blah blah.
Oh well. Excuse me for
Oh well. Excuse me for paraphrasing a document I read once last night after the emergency custody hearing that my FI had all of 48 hours to get ready for.
They didn't have a custody arraignment before last week. The BM started refusing to let him see his daughter when she found out about me, FI went to BMs house to pick up the baby....semantics, she is his baby and that's what he calls her...toddlers grow up quickly the clothes he had for her don't fit as he hasn't had her overnights for months because of BMs repeated refusal, he hasn't bought anything new, he's been giving the BM money to do so, so she has everything for the baby. He doesn't have much.
The reason for the emergency custody hearing is because he found out she been drinking again and is a known alcoholic.
And to be completely honest, FI has a P.O. against bm because that beautiful child of his is a product of rape, she beat him while he was recovering from a car wreck and raped him three years ago. Which is why he divorced her.
I didn't think that was relevant to the above narrative which is why I didn't say it earlier.
You sound so very young. How
You sound so very young. How long have you and DF been together? None of my business really, I just hope you aren't giving up all your own goals and dreams to settle for knocking yourself out trying to be SMOTY and fighting with high conflict BM for the next 14yrs.
Your emergency custody hearing sounds a, uh, bit vague. Emergency temporary custody wouldn't be for just an overnight or two.
You're so busy being offended by members asking simple questions (trying to get a better picture so they can advise, support and perhaps useful constructive criticism) , your not making a whole lot of sense. Example, child is a product of rape three years ago, yet child is currently four years old.
Slow down, shake that chip off your shoulder and tell us a clear concise overall of what your situation is.
There's not many here who doesn't know BMs can be sh*tty, off the wall horrid creatures full of spite, bitterness blah blah blah... yep some sure can be. Some abandon their children, live life of drugs and alcohol. ST is full of SMs who been there lived that scenario in their own stepparent homes.
A 4 year old doesn't outgrow
A 4 year old doesn't outgrow clothes in a matter of months.LOLOLOL
Well damn, BM raped the guy. LOLOLOL That's a new one. I have to admit, it's better than the BM tricked dad into having a baby
Marital rape is a big issue.
Marital rape is a big issue. Men get raped too, also by women. I don't see the joke.
Maybe you just don't believe this poster and the lolz came out at the wrong time?
*** I read further. I still think marital rape is a huge problem and that men are raped too, and not all perpetrators are men.
However, I think the OP is looney tunes and I regret saying anything at all on this thread.
Oh yes male rape is
Oh yes male rape is hilarious!
Strange my friend found this place to be really supportive and helpful a few years back and all I'm getting out of this is that this place is full of cliques and terribly callous people if you don't know the exact wording of the documents your partner signed.
Four year olds don't out grow clothes in a matter of months? Guess his baby is just a super special snow flake who's growing quickly and may even be as tall as her Daddy when she hits puberty.
Highly impressed so far.
He lives with his Mother
He lives with his Mother because he literally bought the house BM and baby live in right now.
He did that before the divorce and this emergency custody court date because he wanted to create less drama before all this went to court. He didnt want his daughter to be uprooted again.
Hes 36 and Im 30. We aren't kids. I just don't understand any of this. I have no children of my own.
Thank you for looking at this
Thank you for looking at this situation and offering advice.
Im not a troll or whatever "crew" is.
I really don't understand the court documents, and as another commentor said it is something like a parenting agreement where both parents are supposed to be civil and something like the parent giving up custody is supposed to have the child fed, sent with appropriate clothing and toiletries.
And the only way I know she wasn't fed and didn't have a nap is because BM literally said so. DF recorded the switch.
I'm trying not to get mired up in this but today was really hurtful because mil, df, baby and I were going together to see the builder's for our home and his mother kept the baby in the car with her and went out of her way to make sure the baby didnt see me or talk to me or anything. MiL didnt even say my name instead she called me a nickname I have.
Im really torn up about it right now.
Does that mean there was no
Does that mean there was no trip to the aquarium with GMa and Dad for you too?
Actually meeting with contractors really should be toddler free, but the way you described the stop makes it sound as if MIL is disapproving of you. Is there a reason you believe MIL was deliberately isolating the child specifically from 'you'?
Yes there is a reason she
Yes there is a reason she didnt let the baby see me.
Last night BM text DF accusing DF of being violent with the baby. Which is entirely untrue. Her exact statement was.."Please don't get violent with the baby when she doesn't go to sleep when you want her to."
Which is a through fabrication. So MIL thinks that me being around the baby will make BM try something worse.
Even when married he wasn't around the baby when she went to sleep because He would go to work before the baby was awake and came home after the baby was asleep. He used to work 16hr days. Thankfully his job understands and now with the emergency order, will no longer scedual him that many hours. (Got to love working for the county on salary)
Bm is going to try everything she can to fuck him over. I see it coming.
As for the contractors, they also build tuff sheds and other tiny homes, so we only went to the show room since DF wanted the baby to see the floor model.
And no, no trip for me with the family to the Aquarium.
Everyone else went even DFs Aunt. But not me. I sat in my car waiting for 20 minutes because they were supposed to meet me there. And they all went inside without me. And no one called me.
I see. So GMa was trying to
I see. So GMa was trying to pretend so child won't know and innocently mention to BM she spent time with Rabbit.
There are blogs from members here having to do with BM calling and reporting all kinds of untrue things to child protective services. And yes, the BM sometimes turns it up a notch and reports SMs. I can't think of a member offhand, but you can put child protective services (CPS) in the search engine above on the left and find some of their horror stories with BM accusations.
I could see perhaps if
I could see perhaps if instead of child, that agreement pertains to the parents. As in something like 'both parents shall conduct themselves as civil human beings without fighting and causing undo distress in the child's presence'.
But yeah, good luck assuring child is 'happy' . What does that even mean? Kid must come to exchange skipping and merrily singing that d*mn Barney song " I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you '
I know thats the first thing
I know thats the first thing he is working on. Today she was out with them with no pull up. Im pretty proud of her for doing so well in 24 hrs.
Dupe
Dupe
I would also like to know how
I would also like to know how a 4 year old is a product of a rape that happened 3 years ago. None of this makes any sense.
Oh she warned me about you
Oh she warned me about you Seue2.
And yes I got my dates wrong with the rape and her birth. Her 4th birthday is coming up next month.
So an especially great evening in late 2011, he ex wife raped him.
Im sorry. As I wasn't there then, I dont know all the dates and I didn't ask because why the hell would I? Its not my damn business.
And rape is such a fun topic to bring up, I should have asked him during our romantic interludes I suppose? Maybe after dinner? Or should I do that before the wine and after the dessert?
How can one person end up
How can one person end up with so many strange friends??
My brain hurts. 1.
My brain hurts.
1. Regardless of how this child was conceived, father has accepted his parental duties. I personally do not know if I believe the "he was raped" claim, seems odd that a rape victim would then remain in a relationship and buy a property (just before their divorce) just so the child wasnt uprooted.
2. A 4 year old is not a baby. A baby is 0-12 months, toddler is 1-3 years, preschooler is 3-5 years. So the child is a preschooler, as such the child needs to be being prepared for what school will mean for them. That means rapidly getting the child out of pull ups and day time naps to enable them to cope.
3. No court order will ever refer to the happiness of a child during handover.
4. Father needs to have everything HIS child needs during HIS time. The less that is handed over the less ammunition he is giving the BM. Child needs to come and go with the clothes they stand in and any extras that belong to the other parent.
5. You need to decide how involved you want to be with MIL and your partner needs to decide the same and lay the law for MIL. But theres a golden rule; if you NEED someones help/assistance then by taking it you give them the ability to give their INPUT.
So basically, if you dont like how MIL treats/refers to/about you, or how shes communicating with BM then dont involve her so much. But if you involve the woman regularly then you cant complain too much.
So it's OK for MILS to give
So it's OK for MILS to give the guy a place to live, but she should butt out when it comes to HER GRANDCHILD. Yeah, that makes sense.