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So the Maiden Name disrespect from OSD continues

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Thu, 04/14/2016 - 2:26pm

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Adult Stepchildren

So further to my last posts about OSD posting a 'thank you' message on Facebook to DH's sister, BM and I (the one where she listed us all by first and last name - we all have the same last name/same as DH - but she specifically typed my first and maiden name beside BM and DH's sister etc..)

Well yesterday evening DH's family was over for his 'family' birthday dinner

OSD is in a mood

Shows up an hour late, doesn't say hello or anything to DH or I

Fine with us, we were talking to FIL, DH's sister, etc.. anyway so paid no attention

But, when we were all seated around the dining room table she starts up with asking YSD if she will be taking her finance's name in a few months when they get married.

Of course, DH, his sister and I all perk up at this question for obvious reasons

YSD says yes of course blah blah and then OSD says how she is still getting used to being called by her husband's last name, whenever his relatives call her Mrs. (last name) she thinks it's his mother their referring to etc.. etc..

DH & I looked directly at each other. Big eye contact. DH's sister quickly changed the subject

Both DH & I were questioning today what exactly OSD's point is. Of course we both agree she was trying to rub in my face that her husband's family call her by his last name but my husband's family (her) refuse to

Seriously, this girl needs major help!

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Thu, 04/14/2016 - 6:13pm

The point of my post is not about whether or not she has room in my head FruitSalad or whether or not I choose to vent about it here, so if you have any input about that great, otherwise keep your judgments to yourself please

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Fri, 04/15/2016 - 6:58pm

^^Agree. Facebook is like being back in High School again, but this time you are available to be the target for the mean girls 24/7. There are plenty of other ways to keep in contact with those who really matter.

"Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter."

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Thu, 04/14/2016 - 6:30pm

Go back and read what I just posted Fruitsalad, and beaccountable, why on earth would I get off Facebook? I happen to like it, I simply need to block all posts from her so I don't have to ready HER's

ETexasMom's picture

Submitted by ETexasMom on Fri, 04/15/2016 - 6:09pm

I couldn't agree more! I finally blocked SDs and anyone in their family who liked to run and tattle on me. It's been really nice! And I'm learning not to worry about anything they say! Also working on DH having the only contact with them. It's really helping because they can't pull the crap they used too going through him. There was a post on RA that really helped me. I need to find it and post.

Amcc13's picture

Submitted by Amcc13 on Thu, 04/14/2016 - 6:46pm

An interestingly placed conversation would you not agree???
I don't know who the girl thinks she is fooling but not you!!!
I think a plan of ignoring going forward is for the best

Did dh speak with his sis re the comment about her bring insignificant and how much it upset her? Prob not at bday meal actually thinking about it- but had he decided if he will ?

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Thu, 04/14/2016 - 7:29pm

Yes Amcc13, very interesting conversation.

And yes again the ignoring her seems to be bugging her big time.

DH and his sister have not talked about their other issue yet, but yes they should at some point

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Thu, 04/14/2016 - 8:49pm

Yes Roadless, I really wanted to respond to that post but didn't. And clearly yesterday evening OSD was still looking for a response and that's why she brought up the whole maiden name thing during dinner

I have been thinking it needs to be addressed with her directly, but in the meantime, she seems to be really hoping for a reaction and is not getting one LOL

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Fri, 04/15/2016 - 2:50pm

Boy StepAside, as usual, you have truly summed up EXACTLY what the issues are. Yes the subject of conversation had nothing to do with anything, it was just a tool to keep the digs going. I know you've had years of experience dealing with this, and this is valuable information from you

I am mostly disengaged from OSD (and DH's sister) although there has been way too much contact lately due to all these 'family' events. I do remain as disengaged from her as I can, but generally when she has been obviously rude to my face I've called her on it - seemed to freak her out when I first started doing that Smile but sadly for the most part I've just ignored all her crap

Knowing that she is in fact worse to BM's SO, and terrible to others as well, has actually helped me to stop taking it personal so much, and really just feel bad for her that she is such a bitter, messed up, unhappy person Sad

BTW: I really hope your DH's recovery is going well! Thank goodness he has you to care for him, not his family who clearly lack common sense not to mention decency!

ldvilen's picture

Submitted by ldvilen on Thu, 05/05/2016 - 8:40am

I agree with Disillusioned, StepAside, when she said, "I really hope your DH's recovery is going well! Thank goodness he has you to care for him." And, I agree with you regarding your advice--to ignore. I also agree with Roadless' advice which is similar but particularly the comment: Play it as you will. If you want to continue to play, might I suggest getting return address labels that start with, for example "Mr. and Mrs. Mike Wilson" and then follow with your address. Put them on everything.

I don't play often, but like so many others on this page, I struggle with the ignore part. After getting your head slammed so often, it is easy to start to read into things, unfortunately. My husband was handed a wedding invite from his SS and fiancé the other day that just had "Dad and Kim" (not my real name) written on it. At first, I was glad to just be invited, even though I didn't want to be invited, and then the total lack of proper addressing started to get to me. On an wedding invite, it should clearly have been "Mr. and Mrs. Mike Wilson." But, it is a destination wedding and Millennials really have no problem throwing any kind of convention to the wind, other than the wedding etiquette from 100+ years also that says step-mom is supposed to sit three rows back at the wedding, that is.

But, the point I'm trying to make is it is easy to let these things get into your head. I actually do believe there are adults out there that think by referring to "Mr. and Mrs. Mike Wilson" it is some sort of affront to their mom, so they try to 'soften' it by using dad's wife's maiden name!? Bizarro. This is up there in the category of: now I've seen everything. Talk about not being able to move on. Nonetheless, best to ignore or play it as you will. For me, I think I'm going to order some new address labels this week.

P.S. Sorry, but also agree with still learning when she said, "Facebook is like being back in High School again, but this time you are available to be the target for the mean girls 24/7."

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Thu, 05/05/2016 - 7:02pm

The funny thing is Idvilen, my OSD does not try to soften it one bit! She seems to like to rub things in BM's face. She tries to play parent off parent, Step-parent off parent, even step-parent off step-parent!

Her using my maiden name in that post, was a slam at me (BM wasn't even a consideration)

I do struggle with the ignore part also Sad

I tend to ignore the little things and not let her see a reaction, but, when she is really out of line I will confront her directly on it

Funny how shocked and scared she seemed on the few occasions I handled things like that - clearly she wasn't expecting me to actually stick up for myself LOL