This all sounds very controlling to me- everything will always be your fault
Get a second job and accumulate more money for yourself
Also stop meeting him at a door with dinner drink and slippers - it's not 1950 anymore
If you want to try make this work insist on counselling
But honestly I see so many red flags in this story I wonder how long till he becomes abusive

Where do you think his daughter learnt her behavior from, as the saying goes 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree'.

Stop putting in the $150 rent into the household account, put into a separate account for repairs/maintenance on the rental space.

*I mean how can you feel supportive of all the time your DH spends being at work (long hours) to come home to a cooked meal, a poured drink, take his shoes off to rub his feet..hearing about his day, having sex* stop doing this, it's all about HIS NEEDS/WANTS and nothing about yours.

As far as I can see the only thing you get out of this marriage is stress and disrespect from your husband and his brats.

You really need to decide/think about what you want from YOUR LIfE.

If he went could you afford to keep your house, do you have more rooms you could rent would this cover you wages if you were to go part time and school.

This relationship has brought you a lot of pain and sorrow. You sound like a lovely woman and I hope you make some changes in your attitude because I think you deserve to be in a happy and fulfilling relationship. It's hard to be alone, but there's nothing about it that you can't figure out and handle.

And truly, how you're feeling, that's harder than being alone.

I'm not telling you to leave your DH. But you need to make the changes. He will be angry and do things to hurt you because he likes how things are and anger and hurtful words are how he controls you. But you are more than someone he browbeats into acting as he wishes. You know that.

I hurt for you, reading this post, just argh!
I personally couldnt do it, but Im the type that once you kick someone out (or leave) then its done. Relationships over, if both parties are able to get so angry and wound up that they are not able or not willing to resolve the issue at the time then its done.
BUT that is because of my personality type, thats something I own up to and its something that I am very clear about.

Often nowadays people arent really very clear about what they see as a good marriage, about what they expect from their marriage partner. And ultimately, if you dont make it clear what you want/need then you are wrong to get frustrated that they arent guessing right.

Clear communication in the form of words and actions.

And this post? It just screams to me that hes telling you he frankly doesnt care, hes not interested in making changes, hes interested in protecting his personal assets that no longer include you. You are his wife if you are not included in his personal priorities then your doomed.

Your problems go way past finances.

I haven't finished reading the responses ... split thoughts: "wow, I could use Stormy in my Life;" and the equally disrespectful "$500 is danged cheap for care, massages & sex."

Oh, and he's deleting everything and the dog because he doesn't want a papertrail. Caution. Seriously. Start looking for hidden accousts and expect him to hide $$$$ with skids.

Back to reading ...

This post pisses me off. I want to slap the shit out of your dh for you. Stop giving him sex, foot rubs, stop everything. He's in it as a business and a control freak. What a clown. Tell him to cuddle his daughter. 40k for a horse?!? And all he can give you is 500.00 a month ha! That's assenide !

Sounds so much like my hubby as he's as selfish with his money as he is with his children. They are HIS kids and I'm just the stepmom. My job is to be their friend and NOT their mother as they already have one of those. As I mentioned in my very long other post, now that he's gotten this huge raise, he spends on his gadgets and his needs and couldn't care less about mine. When he was making less, it was fine for me to blow through my savings for things he didn't want to pay for like the property taxes, etc. Now that I'm pretty much tapped out..oh well..he's still going to spend HIS money on what he wants to.

Our mattress is very old and was my parents. So is the furniture in our home as we bought my parent's home. Every morning I wake up with a backache because of the very old mattress. I asked him this morning if we could please get a new mattress and he sort of blew it off, knowing darned well that eventually I'll dig deep and just buy a new one when I get tired of waiting for him to kick in any of HIS money for one.

He's done this throughout our marriage, sitting back and waiting until I get tired of bills sitting there (like the property taxes) and knows darn well again, that I'd eventually pay them.

Yes, he helps pay the household bills, but I kick in also. However, again, he loves his gadgets and now that he's making more money, just goes out and spends a ton without even asking me about whether it's alright with me or not...yet when we first got married, I went out and bought a $35.00 Baker's rack and he blew gasket. I wanted to spend some of my savings on a new laptop and he wouldn't talk to me for a week!!

I had a nice discussion with him telling him that I wasn't comfortable with the way he was spending money and that we were on two different pages regarding money and how it should be spent in a marriage. He seemed to agree, but took out $2000.00 from our account from his moving package (as I've mentioned in my posts, he works out of state and just got a $10,000 moving package that he's blown through in less than a month furnishing the apartment he promised he's furnish very frugally).

Funny, when we got married, he told me how his ex was a huge spend thrift when they were married and he hardly spent any money on himself. I'm now finding that hard to believe and now think it was a complete contest to see who could spend the most out of their account..her buying new furniture constantly, while selling off their old, etc. He blamed their having to claim bankruptcy twice on her gambling habits/spending habits/credit cards, etc., yet the more I see, the more I feel that one was as bad as the other.

Again, he's very selfish with his money and it's pretty much what's his is his. I'm not working at the time, yet looking for full time work in addition to going to school full time for my Associate's Degree. That bill will of course be mine and I have no issues with that. However, being that I'm pretty much, again, tapped out from paying for all the BIG bills that he just keeps putting off, I've asked if he could help me a little with my part of the bills just until I can find a job.

He got ugly with me one morning and wanted to know why I needed to pay a larger amount on the charge card rather than the minimum payment and my reply was to get the thing paid off rather than him getting the newest IPhone along with a new expensive desktop computer. He's always got to have the latest technology which is, in my opinion, a complete waste of money. The charge card I'm making larger payments on is the one he put his flight home on (borrowing on my credit), well over two years ago and every month, he only wants to make the minimum payment on, which hasn't made much of a dent in it, and now that he has the money, it's time it's gotten paid off. This put a damper on him buying all the toys HE wanted and he sort of acted like a child when he saw $500 out of our account for not only the larger payment on my charge card, but I also paid off some of my medical bills (which he's also refused to pay for..and that are over a year old). We have insurance, but a $500/person deductible along with a coinsurance. In addition, we have a health savings account, but all of that goes to his kids for THEIR health bills.

Basically, although we're married, he expects me to take care of my own bills..along with pretty much taking care of my own self. Told me that he loves the fact that I'm so independent while he works out of State supporting his family but in all honesty..he's supporting his kids and I can pretty much take care of things here myself. Last time I was in the ER because I cut my hand on the back door he refused to fix when he was home (the handle wouldn't stay shut and it kept swinging open); we had a windy day and it swung open and while I tried to catch it while it came swinging back, my hand went through the already cracked window (something else he refused to fix), while letting our dog out. Luckily I got the most of it and not the dog!! 16 stitches later in my hands, you think the man could have care a little, but all he did was give me a lecture. He refuses to pay that bill due to it being MY irresponsibility..(HUH???!).

I refuse to let my husband take us down by his taste for his toys, rather than paying our bills and what I'm learning is that the man absolutely HATES paying the bills that need to be paid. He's FINALLY paying off his charge cards now that he has much more money, yet it still doesn't stop him from spending a mint on useless, very expensive items. Just last weekend he spent $400.00 on coins at a coin show for his coin collection without asking me my opinion at all.

He owes my dad well over $4000 and this has been sitting out there for well over 3 years. I bring it up nicely and he tells me he doesn't want to talk about it. One day I finally got angry and told him how very disrespectful it was to not pay his father in law back; when in fact, he'd borrowed $3000 from HIS parents and paid them back his first paycheck.

As this continues to fester with me, eventually it's going to affect our marriage.

Being single would be a lot more fun than this.

RUNNNNNNN FORREST!