I posted this originally in the Step/Bio father forum to get male perspective, but in hindsight, I think maybe I need to check my own perspective as well.

I have one child (BD11) and DH has two kids (SS3, SD7) - we have full custody of all three children and both of us are exhausted to different degrees.

BD11 is sweet, responsible, and a straight-A student, but very much an argumentative and hormonal preteen - it's not that she's wrong most of the time (she's usually correct), but that she addresses things with the fierceness of a well-trained Nazi and the skill of an expensive lawyer. He lets himself get baited into her arguments (no matter how petty), then proceeds to nag at her for the next few days (he even nagged about the way she made him breakfast). I'm tired of having to step in the middle, but I feel the need to both protect her and to scold her so often that it's starting to affect how I regard him.

SS3 is undisciplined and talks back with the skill of a 3rd grader, but he's adorable and he's 3, so I'm trying to suspend judgment for the moment (that may backfire).

SD7 is her mother's daughter. On good days, she is sweet and adorable -- On bad days, she lies, manipulates, attacks BD11, sneaks, talks back, and snoops (I've had to change my debit card PIN a number of times already). Sometimes, I have to defend her because he loses his cool and almost over-disciplines here, which isn't fair. Other times, he does absolutely nothing or he tries to reason with her at which time, she uses the *cry defense* and he backs off and she gets away with whatever she's done. He lets her break rules that BD11 would be crucified for and, any time BD11 accomplishes something, he chimes in with SD7's perfection and minimizes BD11's accomplishment. It's getting to where I no longer see SD7's cuteness and hearing her voice coming from another room is becoming grating.

Is it me? Am I missing some perspective here? I'm starting feel like the wicked stepmother!