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Pissed to the point of leaving....

deltadawn's picture

Submitted by deltadawn on Thu, 11/05/2015 - 4:04pm

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I'm new here (long time lurker). Background: I have one 20yo step dd. She most likely has aspergers. She lies and steals, and she has stolen from me, so she is not presently allowed in my home.

Dh and I have a good relationship, but lately we have worked opposite schedules and have really been missing each other. Me especially. I approached him about this last week and we made a date for tonight. Not a going out date - more of a take-a-bath and fuck all evening date. He was excited.

Stepdd never calls her dad, but last night blew up his phone with texts. In reality, she needed a ride to a football game. She won't bother to get her driver's license even though she has had a car sitting in the driveway for years.

Dh told her yes.

I am beyond hurt. I expressed this to him and he just left. I wanted to be a priority and it took this to realize that I am not. Heartbroken.

Any advice for me?

robin333's picture

Submitted by robin333 on Thu, 11/05/2015 - 5:01pm

Ouch, that hurt. Seriously, I would get dolled up and not be there when he returns. I would stay out (even if I had to go to the office or a friend's) for several hours. I would respond to his text that I was fine, I was going out since he cancelled sexfest.

And I would not be having sex for a while, which is really bad because that makes me even bitchier. Breaking a committed date for a ride to a football game?! I can't imagine. Hugs!

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Thu, 11/05/2015 - 5:18pm

^^^^I agree^^^^

Dress up and go out. If no friends are available, take yourself to a nice dinner. Go browse at the mall. Go to a movie. Just be gone for a few hours and let him know he blew it.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Fri, 11/06/2015 - 10:18am

^^^This and all of the above.

ss30, used to call DH all the time for rides, the sh*t hit the fan when he called at 10:30pm one night and woke us both up. "Dad it's raining and friends won't let me sleep here so can you give me a ride back to your SIL's house?" DH was getting ready to go pick him up and i had a huge fit and told him hells to the no that he was not going out to pick up the brat this late. Brat could walk back a few miles to his Aunt's house where he'd been sleeping on the couch. DH caved to me and told ss30 that he couldn't go out and get him because he has to be at work by 6am.

Your dd has got to have a friend she can get a ride with, ride her bike, take public transit...something.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Thu, 11/05/2015 - 5:39pm

You need to force the issue. He either makes you a priority or he doesn't. I would start finding other things to do.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 11/05/2015 - 9:52pm

While he is out schlepping his idiot spawn around as her beck and call boy ... call for an emergency locksmith service and rekey the locks.

When he bangs on the door ...... tell him via text message that will be the last time he skips a sex date with you for his daughter and he can sleep on the curb until he finds clarity.

Have fun bringing the pain down on DH. }:)

earthsage's picture

Submitted by earthsage on Sun, 11/08/2015 - 1:55pm

I suggest telling him this behavior turns you off because it Shows he is spineless when it comes to his daughter. Your anger comes from hurt, but isn't it a turnoff too?

Jzell67's picture

Submitted by Jzell67 on Mon, 11/09/2015 - 5:42am

Something similar happened to me once...

I went to my partners house for a dinner date and a catch up. We went out the the shops, bought food, came back and enjoyed talking while organising dinner together.

We sat down to eat and then the ss18 walks in and wanted a ride to the train station.

My partner got up and left.

When she got back I was gone. She never ever did that again.

Teach people how to treat you or you'll always get the arse end of everything.