I try amd avoid the toxic ones as much as possible. The 2 younger skids i have no issue being around

My husband and I went around and around about his "perfect" daughter.He never thought she did anything wrong, I quit doing everything for her. Taking her to the bus stop, shopping, chorus... it's all on him. Now he has to deal with the situation and is learning she's not an angel. Things are a lot better. I'd say back away until you find out how to deal with them. I thought step parents were more friendly parents. When did we get shoved into the role of disciplinarian?lol. Now I can goof with sd more. But know to keep my heart at a distance.skids can be snakes. Hope this helps. Oh and I did try just not even really dealing with her when she was being horrible, but it just caused tension. Get back on the horse as soon as possible.

Use that time to run errands, shop, go out with friends, or anything really. You can even stay home and just involve yourself in a project, away from them.

I was lucky, my SD was not a bad kid, at all, and my DH was not a crappy parent but I still liked doing my own thing. I was not about to be run out of my own home, though.

I don't think avoiding them is a 100% strategy in and of itself. It can be used intermittently to give yourself and your dh a break, but if you feel you have to vacate every time they show up you are creating new problems in my view.

1. Your own resentment. You cannot be happy forever feeling chased out of your own home so often. Resentment is poison to your marriage and to your own happiness.

2. Gives the skids a sense of power and power builds more power. Now they think it is their "right" to have you gone and will be even worse on the day you decide you're too tired or sick to am-scray. So beware the monster swelling in your absence.

3. Your marriage will be stronger if you give your dh a chance to work with you on this and come up with solutions together. Obviously it's likely this will never be perfect (or I wouldn't be here myself) but it can bring you closer and closer together as you make gains. Many dhs around here feel insulted and miffed when the spouse avoids their kids at all costs so employing this strategy exclusively can have the opposite effect of speaking up and asking him to meet your needs.

So to sum up, sure, avoid them to save your sanity. But do not do so every single time they show up because ultimately you will be losing ground over time, not gaining it.

This is what works best for me.

They come to visit dh so he makes all arrangements and plans the food and entertainment. His job to be host. I sit back , relax ,chit chat briefly to be superficially sociable.

If I have my own plans or commitments then I follow through with my own plans. I owe no apologies or excuses for leaving.

If I am available and dh is taking his family members to any place that I would enjoy , then I go also.
If he is taking them someplace that I would not have the interest in going then I politely decline.