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REPOST: Meeting the Ex-Wife

tigerlily74's picture

[I'm re-posting this because it got lost when I posted it last week. When it got resurrected, it was buried. So here it is again...]

So it's finally happened.

After 2 years and 2 months of being together, and eight months of marriage, I finally met the Ex-Wife.

It was DH's father's 93rd birthday two nights ago, and it was the first time I was invited after the past two years of not being invited. (The first year, the old man actually had to disinvite me because DH's kids objected to my presence - even though they were in another country and weren't attending. The second year, I was not invited to keep the peace and DH didn't go to show solidarity with me.)

What's amazing is that DH's family continues to invite and include the Ex-Wife at all the family events! I mean, this woman gave your son/brother/father 10 years of hell before forcing a divorce on him, and you still treat her as part of the wider family?

What's even more amazing is that this woman, who opted to leave the man, still thinks she has a place in his family - and attends the events when invited. NO SHAME. I mean, not only did she threaten divorce for 10 years before forcing it through, she also had two affairs which everybody knows about but she completely denies it all. Showing her face is bad enough, but acting as if she is a permanent fixture in the family despite chucking their son/brother/father is just incredible.

Anyway, we arrived early to the dinner as DH was helping to host the event. DH's sister, who was in charge of seating, placed us in one corner of the room and sat herself, DH's SD28 & fiance, and the Ex-Wife at the furthest corner possible. Seriously, like I care. Sitting as far away as possible from the sourpusses was FINE BY ME!

She arrived with the SD28, and swanned around the room, saying hello to DH's cousins and extended family. DH and I had planned to go up to her to say hello - someone here suggested that being the one in control was the way to go - but we didn't have a chance coz she was taking pains to be a social butterfly. I told DH to forgeddabouddit coz I sure as hell was not going to stand in line waiting to greet her.

Finally met her in the buffet line. My thoughts went like this:

(1) Wow, you're like a head shorter than me.
(2) What's up with that fake trying-to-be-proper accent;
(3) How sad that you have to be painfully polite to a man you discarded, and then tried to reconcile with upon finding out he was engaged to ME;
(4) You're miserable, aren't you;
(5) Finders keepers, losers weepers;
Diablo Bye, Felicia.

EX: Oh, hello there.
DH: Hello Ex, this is Tigerlily.
ME: Hello, nice to meet you.
EX: Yes, hi. (Looks me up and down.)
EX: (To DH only) And how you keeping?
DH: I'm fine but Tigerlily hasn't been too well. What about you?
EX: I'm well. Alright, I won't keep you.
ME: Have a good dinner.
EX: Yes, goodbye.
DH: Bye.

Now, I *know* she's normally not at all polite to him. The last time they met was at her father's funeral wake. DH had gone to pay his respects. Upon seeing him, she had spat: "Oh, you. What are you doing here? You don't have to be here, you know". She then ignored him for the rest of the wake, and completely ignored him during the funeral two days later.

Back to the dinner: SD28 said a cursory hello to me in the buffet line, while her fiance ignored me. Big deal.

The Ex, SD28 and fiance, and DH's sister all left early. So they weren't in the family photo (with the birthday cake) whilst it was my first time in a family photo.

Meanwhile, DH was attentive all night and kept me by his side when saying hello to his extended family and the guests - and introduced me to everyone. <3

I guess I'll see them all at SD28's wedding in December. No love lost!

tigerlily74's picture

SD28's fiance ignoring me: Nah, I don't think he was trying to play nice with the BM. He's just super right-wing religious and does not approve of me. To them, if you opt to be a Second Wife, you're somehow morally bankrupt. *shrug*

SIL: She is close to SD28 and just abhors the idea of me. She has declared time and time again, that she will not attend any family event to which I am invited. So, she must have swallowed a huge chunk of humble pie when she was charged with the seating plan. She claimed that she was sick and left the dinner early - together with SD28, the fiance, and the Ex-Wife. Their loss.

"At least your BM isn't after DH any more!"

Well, I wouldn't exactly say that. Six months into our relationship, when DH proposed to me, the Ex/BM "offered to explore if a reconcilation was possible". That lame offer - note, she didn't offer to reconcile, she offered to see if it was possble, big difference - was communicated to the whole family. So everybody thought DH should go back to her. And that his earlier wedding vows to her trumped his proposal to me. Don't you just love how they expected DH to keep his vows, when the Ex legally broke those same vows? By offering this lame offer, the Ex came out smelling roses with the family. It was a masterstroke coz suddenly her kids forgave her for the 10 years of threatening divorce and living apart from DH under the same roof, and forgave her for pushing the divorce through.

But when DH said NO. And that he believed his proposal to me was in and of itself a declaration of a vow to me. And that this over-ruled the previous vows which had been broken already. She acted like the jilted party and canvassed for everyone's pity. What a bitch. I guess she must have realised that at age 60, it isn't so easy to find another life partner out there, and decided to snap her fingers, expecting DH to go running back.

Too bad, sister. You lose.

Ruby55's picture

Wow, how sick. I'm what I'd call pretty right wing, and I'm religious and I AM a second wife. If he's really a Christian of any sort, regardless of his personal beliefs, he should be warm and welcoming..,that's how you really serve God. They all sound like a bunch of nuts what the heck is their beef with you. I'd find it hard to go to any of the occasions after once being disinvited. Glad your hubby had your back as he should.

tigerlily74's picture

They are a bunch of nuts. I guess they cannot imagine why someone would choose to be a second wife. They can't survive in the real world without opposing anything they don't understand.

notasm3's picture

Please do not use the term crotch fruit. Fruit is good.

That skid is more like anal leakage.

WTF...REALLY's picture

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