Magic! Take that, Hellspawn

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Okay, so I might be speaking too soon but...

I think I scored a major victory last night!

Some of you may know that I've been grappling with Hellspawn SD28's intentional attempts to pry DH away from my side. She's been getting him to do things that purposefully exclude me. Last night, she had dinner with DH to introduce her new man to him, pointedly asking him not to bring me.

So I spent the night winding down from work and was in bed reading when he came home. I welcomed him home warmly and put my book away when he finally crawled into bed.

He then started telling me all about his work day and I was really beginning to wonder if he was going to keep the whole dinner thing from me. So I calmly said: "So... Do I have to ask? Or are you going to volunteer information?" He replied that I didn't have to ask - which was silly coz I just did.

Anyhoo, to cut a long story short, the whole time he was telling me about SD28's new man and how the dinner went, I had so many sarcastic remarks to make but I held my tongue. I'm sure you guys know how very hard that is!

He ended his whole story with: "SD and her man sound like they are very much in love".

I waited two beats, then - as advised by catlettuce, simifan, sandye21, - said: "Since she loves him, I'm sure she'd be very hurt if we invited her out to dinner and made it a point to exclude him."

...

He had nothing to say.

We had a very good talk thereafter about engaging his family members on their terms, and how he's enabling their rudeness by allowing them to dictate whether I'm excluded or not. Very calm and collected. No sarcasm or snide remarks.

He admitted that he knew his family's behaviour has been appalling to me and very disrespectful. His words, not mine.

At the end of it all, I said: "I know this is very hard for you. The whole marriage has been very hard for you coz you're in the middle and your family is hurting you as well as me. I just want you to know that I'm on your side and I'll always be here at the end of the day to hold you. I'm your safe harbour."

Okay, sickly sweet and super gross... BUT IT WORKED LIKE MAGIC!

He responded by saying that if SD tried to set up dinner with DH and her man again, without me, he will use the opportunity to tell both of them (not just SD) that if they intend to marry, he will only attend if I'm invited. So they will have to start including me in things.

He also said that he will do the motorbike theory lessons with SD, but is willing to forego the practical lessons and won't get a bike licence if I'm not comfortable with him on a bike. (See "What's Appropriate & What's Not" in Adult Stepchildren Issues)

I think last night was a coup. I came off as loving, rational, reasonable and gracious - while SD looked petty, childish and unreasonable. Our hour-long chat also brought us together, healed the hurt that we caused each other in the past week, and he thinks I'm wonderful and the complete opposite of his psycho Ex-Wife. Tigerlily 1, Ex-Wife & Hellspawn 0.

This morning, he reiterated that he'd do the remaining two hours of motorbike theory lessons but forego the practical lessons that would lead to a bike licence. My apprehensions about bike safety aside, I'm almost willing to let him get the bike licence because I know it'll make him happy. In fact, while I'm on a generosity high, I think I just might!

Hope my recounting about last night doesn't come across as bragging, but I thought those of you who've been advising me might want to know how things turned out. Thank you all of you who've given me great advice! I love this website

You go Girl !!!

Don't get me wrong, it took a

Don't get me wrong, it took a lot of effort to keep my mouth shut while he talked, silence my sarcastic nature and keep my arms open to him when I thought he wasn't getting my argument. But it's effort that was worth it.

You did a good thing for your

You did a good thing for your relationship. I'm glad things turned out so well. Keep up the good work. I know it's hard but if you keep acting in this manner then things will go in your favor.

Thank you. It's very

Thank you. It's very difficult but who said marriage was easy, right? When I said "I hope I'm everything your Ex-Wife was not" and he replied "That, and so much more", I think it was worth it.

Ahahahaha! That's a good one!

Ahahahaha! That's a good one! }:)

Once he tells her this,and

Once he tells her this,and she starts to invite you to stuff, will you attend?

I honestly don't understand accepting an invitation from someone who was forced to extended it to you. When it's all said and done, all of you know she doesn't really want you there.

The funny thing is that if

The funny thing is that if she included me in things, I probably would go to a couple and then allow them their own bilateral time coz I have better things to do. It's the exclusion from the outset that is the open wound. Does that make sense?

Bees and honey, and all that.

The bike thing was her trying to get him to do an activity - oh, and pay for it - without me. Cunning bitch.

Apparently, the boy toy is

Apparently, the boy toy is not hot on her riding a motorbike! Curiouser and curiouser.

It's the Ex-Wife who is encouraging her to get a license so the Ex doesn't have to ferry her around. (1) Good mothering, innit? (2) What self-respecting 28yo can't take a friggin taxi and needs to ask Mommy to pick her up???

No, i don't want to put DH in the middle coz I don't want him to have to choose. I put myself squarely on his side so the skids are always on the opposite side by their own doing. Ha

Good for you! There have been

Good for you! There have been DOZENS of times in just the past few days that I've had to hold my tongue over some petty bs, so I do appreciate how difficult it was.

It's the hardest thing!!!

He's been very lovely,

He's been very lovely, actually. In his own way, he's trying to engage them and point out to them that circumstances have changed (we got married just five months ago). I just think his way is not obvious enough.

^this is true^ that's how it

^this is true^ that's how it is with estranged SD18. She is not invited to anything we plan. DH sees her whenever he wants, usually they have breakfast together during the week or sometimes lunch. Never on "our time" in the evening or weekends. That's by his choice, btw, I didn't tell him that. But I'm sure glad he thought of it!!

She's not interested in a relationship with me, so I'm totally cool with him visiting her. Just so long as I don't have to invite her to our home. Not awesome when we go to his family things and she's there, but I just ignore her. And we leave as soon as it's not too douche-y of me to suggest it lol.