Which Envelope
We received an invitation to a special event from my sister-in-law. Actually, we received two invitations. One was addressed to:
The 'My Last Name' Family
The other was addressed to:
The 'My Children's Last Name' Family
My husband's daughter fits into that first envelope. We have a son together that can fit in that envelope. My children from my first marriage can fit in the second envelope. Which envelope is mine? Obviously, two separate families there. Which envelope do I belong to?
I'm being sarcastic. It's been almost eighteen years and we're still doing this crap? My kids are not a separate family. Not only that, all but the one we have together have grown and left the house. His kids are worthy of a personal invitation. Mine get a blanket invitation sent to my house.
Adults who have another
Adults who have another address should get their own invitation. Well at least your SIL is acknowledging your childrens' existence. And kudos to her for knowing their last name. That is more than my SIL knows or does.
My family has always included
My family has always included SS-23 in any invitation though they may have been addressed to the family with my/our last name. SS knows this and has never taken exception to it. My parents have always referred to him as FIRST NAME, MY LAST NAME. Apparently it made an impression on him because in April of this year more than 21 years after his mom and I started dating and nearly 21 years after we married he asked me to adopt him. So we made that happen. He now has my name, I am on his birth certificate, and we have papers documenting what has always been fact.
We have never bashed his sperm donor's family name though we have made sure he knew of their toxic, illegal bullshit, every transgression, every brush with the law, every infidelity, etc... in an age appropriate manner.
It may be nothing more than your ILs are trying to be as inclusive as possible while not wanting to offend anyone. I think a single invitation addressed to YOU and DH's common last name family would suffice. At this point it should obviously include all of you together.
Sorry that this is still an issue in your blended family after so long. Your prior relationship BKs should not be segregated in any way.
Clarification as requested.
Clarification as requested. His children received personal invitations addressed to them at their homes. Mine received one invitation addressed to their given name, which not all carry anymore, to my home, with the intention that I call them.
Second, the envelope.... I was being tongue in cheek about which envelope I belong in but it comes from my core. Those envelopes were addressed to two separate families. Which family do I belong to? I know her intent was that the one to my last name included me but I don't have two families.
She is a good woman but it's years of not including my children or outright excluding them. It was easier when they were young and living at home. If my kids were excluded, we simply didn't go. Now that they are adults, that's when my anger is exploding. It's not rational but it's deep so there is no rationalizing with such deep feelings. A deep feeling of my children being seen or treated as less than. A guilt for putting them in an environment that didn't hold them to the same esteem as those around them.
I need to own that this is
I need to own that this is much harder on me than it is my children.
Honestly, if that was the
Honestly, if that was the worst problem I had, I wouldn't feel anything over a silly envelope. It's systemic and that little envelope just pushed the buttons. Thank you for your input.
I see what your saying but
I see what your saying but that is because my two older kids are always "excluded" or oh we didn't think of them since they dont live with you.....um yeah they are adults and have their own address, but since you have no desire to "include" them as "family" I guess you wouldn't know their new address or new last name....LOL....and I think miss manners would say to address one invitation to Mr. & Mrs. Smith and FAMILY.....done!