OCD or just a BRAT?
SS12 has developed severe OCD. Everyone has a disease, obsessive hand washing, his parents are going to die, rituals etc. He still can't come within 6 ft of me, ( I'm the devil, if some of you remember my previous posts) Well, uber religious BM is trying to heal the OCD by "praying it away" ... Not working. BM refuses counseling, as therapists aren't "Christianlike" DH is Disney dad on his EOWE and I'm pretty much disengaged
-BUT-
Today I lost my shit. I'm super stressed out.
SS12 arrived at 7 am and placed his phone on the kitchen counter. I was only one up having coffee as DH was asleep as he was awake half the night with his porn addiction ( another story, another time) ANYHOO- SS went to restroom and thought I touched his phone ( which I did not) he freaked out as usual. "Why did you touch my phone, now it's ruined!" I calmly told him that I didn't touch it. He replied " Yes you did, u ruined it!" I told him that I didn't want to hear another word about it. He called his mommy from the landline and I could hear him crying, "Mommy, Devil X touched my phone and now it has poison on it"
I woke up DH. " get in there and handle your son!"
DH gets up & asks SS what happened.
SS12 " She touched my phone and now it has poison on it and I can't use it anymore"
DH :- oh well you'll get over it.
Me: ? That's it?
DH to me: you need to pick your battles.
ME: ¥&$@ You!
All day I've been plotting what I'm going to do. This nonsense has gone on for way too long. They need to get the kid help. DH just doesn't give shit and I'm left feeling stressed out the entire time SS is home for visitation. Why should I have to tiptoe around in my own house while SS is clearly messed up? . It's a constant argument EOWE with DH. DH thinks that I should be sympathetic to SS but it seems like pure disrespect towards me.
In that particular situation,
In that particular situation, I would have told him I didn't touch the phone, and then when he continued to freak out about the ruined phone, would have just let him freak out. You don't want your phone anymore because I touched it? Oh well. Guess you'll just go without.
One good thing, SS won't be
One good thing, SS won't be taking pictures of you or your house with his phone today. That is unless BM prayed it clean over the landline.
You can't argue with crazy (phone ruined).
Your H had a good response.
How amazing that your use of the landline hasn't permanently ruined it.
Don't tiptoe around the kid. Act normally and let DH deal with the fallout.
Ignore the brat. He's almost
Ignore the brat. He's almost old enough for you to tell him to just STFU.
I'd probably tell him that I'd touched everything in the house - the food, his sheets, etc. And then tell him to just deal with it.
I suppose I just feel like DH
I suppose I just feel like DH has more control over the situation than he acts on. Being a Disney dad he caters to SS and trust me DH turns a blind eye to all things disrespectful. I get the " can't fix crazy" part... I just for the life of me don't get why DH won't take SS for therapy even if he has to sneak behind BMs back to do it. Why would any parent want their child to suffer with mental issues so severe that it's affecting everyone in the family?
sounds like the kid needs to
sounds like the kid needs to see a therapist fast and even a disney dad shouldn't want the kid to suffer. Do you think the kid is enjoying his childhood if he is constantly freaking out and worrying about stuff. If going to therapy helps the kid cope and/or get him on the right meds then disney dad would be the one who made the kid's life better. It might be rough in the beginning but in the long run the kid should benefit from it. Or family therapy so you can all learn how to deal with his behavior. If he recently developed OCD he might develop other problems as he enters his teens. Help the kid before things get worse. He might deep down knows he isn't right and wonders why his mom won't help him.
Tog, There are different
Tog,
There are different levels of OCD. Before the most resent book came out it was Axis 1&2. Now they go into 1-4. It is normally unheard of for an 8 yr old to have the symptoms my BS has. He is classified under the old as Axis 2. Never curable but yes, controlled to a point. With BS it is harder due to his Aspeirgers. But most do not have just OCD. Some of BS issues we have been able to control, some have reduced but some he is stuck with.
OP, your DH needs to understand the sooner treatment begans the more chance SS has. The longer this goes on, the harder it gets to get it under control.
I put my foot down this
I put my foot down this morning. Told DH that SS's OCD is affecting everyone in the household. I said that he can either get SS into therapy ASAP or he can have his vistitation with SS outside of our home. I will not spend EOWE stressed to the max. It's not my problem to deal with. My DD11 has ADHD and depressions, guess what? I got her immediate counseling and she is functional and productive without affecting everyone's life around her. DH just needs to grow a pair and do what's right before he loses his wife.
BM is just a religious nutcase. I'm the devil, all other churches are bad except hers, her kids cannot have friends outside of the church circle, but she does no wrong -yada yada...
He agreed to get him
He agreed to get him counseling. I'm hopeful he holds up to his promise to do so.
The kid won't eat anything
The kid won't eat anything unless it's prepackaged. He needs to be able to unwrap, unseal, whatever it is. His mommy packs his lunch (kid is in jr high) - of course mommy has zero germs so all is well when he is home. He opens doors with his feet, uses elbows to shut them, carries hand sanitizer wherever he goes. He's not allowed to ride the school bus per BM as she states " only mothers that do not love their kids put them on school buses" (she used to homeschool both skids until DH took her to court and forced her to enroll the, in public school) I'm sure it's only a matter of time before he gets bullied at school. Kids are cruel. BM needs her ass kicked for refusing to seek help for him.
(No subject)
Actually it is pretty classic
Actually it is pretty classic of childhood OCD. There is normally one parent that is "safe" more often then not it is mom. Because mom normally has a more hands on daily approach with kid from birth. It sounds rack, I know. But very normal of OCD in children. An adult with OCD or even germaphobe will be able to have a wife that enters the safe zone. They kiss, have sex. But other people, can't even shake hands.
My DS10 actually has OCD.
My DS10 actually has OCD. Signs started at 2 yrs old. I just didn't know it. When you look up signs and symptoms of OCD make sure you look up in CHILDREN. Some of them are completely different. One of them you SS shares with my DS, extreme protectiveness of mom. I had zero clue that this was a sign of childhood OCD. My son was 8 yrs old before I understood what was going on. He had started collecting his urine. I kinda freaked out. Luckily not on DS. Called my therapist. DS is in weekly counseling and on Meds. They need both. At their age just counseling won't help them control it.
If you want to PM me, I can go over some of this with you. This is a shame based disorder. The children that have it know they are different and hide their differences until it is extreme and they can't hide it. Due to the shame they have in most of the ticks, they become very good at hiding, lies and covering their behavior. They must attend counseling before that becomes how they handle everything in life.
Sorry. It might be rare BUT
Sorry. It might be rare BUT they do. My dad was diagnosed paranoid schizo at 9 yrs old. 2 yrs after the voices started. My mothers (yes, you guys want to talk about fucked up parents... I should write a book. My own BM takes the prize on BMs who convinced their child that dad doesn't want them) was showing signs of her boarder line by age 12. Her split personality tendacies came out by 15.
98% of the time mental and emotional disorders develop at the end of puberty and most borderlines start showing around 30. That does not mean it doesn't happen
Wild train wreck!!! There
Wild train wreck!!!
There should be a committee that oversees people like them. My BMs diagnosis is a mile long full of wonderful letters. They met in court ordered "teen Challenge " been married 3 times to each other.
Does this kid go to a public
Does this kid go to a public school? Does he behave this way there?
Lets just say that, for more
Lets just say that, for more than one reason, I am an OCD expert. Not a word I would normally use to describe myself but in this case, yes.
I have never seen so much misinformation about OCD in one place. This is the kind of crap that makes people suffering from mental health issues ashamed and gives real mental health professionals a bad name. If diagnosing and understand the human brain was so easy, why do you think people go through years and years of schooling to learn more about it? Just stop. You "arm chair psychologists" are an embarrassment to all step kind.
And those of you saying that you would antagonize the kid, I'm curious, if your skid were physically disabled would you push him/her down the stairs too? There is talk about reclassifying OCD as a neurological disorder alongside Tourette's, Autism, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's. Would you mess with people living with these problems? Just disgusting!
Yes, the kid needs help and until he gets it, you have every right to protect your own sanity.
If I remember correctly, BM
If I remember correctly, BM has this child convinced that SM is really the devil incarnate. (Which is why her germs on his personal belongings are the problem.) It is pretty obvious he believes this. When you couple that with some sort of other mental disorder - no wonder he is so messed up.
As someone else said, your DH is very much responsible for not getting the kids some therapy. He should work around BM if he has to. This seems a pretty clear case where BM is doing some damage that will be long lasting.
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.