DH has His Priorities Off Once Again - I'm Livid

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I am livid! I've been married for 8 years. DH has three children that he totally enables. They are 20, 23, and 25. I have three kids 24, 26, and 29. Ever since we got married, DH has put his kids first. This has been a continuing problem since the beginning of our marriage. This hurts me tremendously. My DH knows this, but he continues to do it. I have seizure disorder, and I must make sure I get a decent night's sleep or I risk having a seizure. Last night, ss20 came to our house at 10:00 (which is the agreed time we go to bed). At 10:00, DH told me he wouldn't be coming to bed because he wanted to talk to his son even though we will see him in two days (he lives two hours from us). I protested, and he left anyway. I can't sleep until DH comes to bed because he so noisy when he comes in. I'm so hurt that he once again put his child first. I don't know what to do. I can't go on when his kids are his priority and not me. I need advice.

If your DH is going to come

If your DH is going to come to bed too late then he should sleep on the couch or in another bedroom so he doesn't wake you up.

Are you telling your DH he can't talk to his kid after 10pm or that he can't wake you up once you have gone to sleep? Those are two different things. Honestly, if my DH told me I couldn't talk to my kid at any given time I would tell him that I will talk to my kids whenever I want. BUT, if he told me that I wake him up when I come to bed and it is very important for him to get his sleep, then I would either not wake him up or sleep in another room, out of respect for him.

I think the solution is easy, unless you're trying to control when DH can talk to his children.

I don't care what time he

I don't care what time he talks to his kids. I just want him to respect me and my health. I also would like to be his first priority. Also, when my kids call me after 10:00, he gets angry.

You do realize that when HIS

You do realize that when HIS kids need to talk after 10pm, it's very important, but when your kids do, it is not!

Thank you. At least someone

Thank you. At least someone understands what I'm trying to say.

Why would you allow your kids

Why would you allow your kids to call you after 10pm if your health depends on getting to sleep by then? Just saying...

My kids aren't allowed to

My kids aren't allowed to call after 10:00 p.m. If they call one minute after, he gets very angry. I get off the phone right away.

At least SS20 doesn't live

At least SS20 doesn't live with you!

I agree that DH should sleep somewhere else if he's going to be up past the time you need to go to sleep if he wakes you up.

I am so grateful that he

I am so grateful that he doesn't live with us! I guess I should count my blessings.

I think I have to side with

I think I have to side with your DH on this one. This seems a little unreasonable. He isn't actually stopping you from sleeping. You *could* go to sleep. Sure, he might wake you coming in... but I'm sure there are times one of you has to get up to pee, or get a drink, or has a bad dream, or whatever.

And his son is 20. At 20, life seems so big and crazy and urgent that a "problem" can't wait 2 days.

There was NO urgent problem.

There was NO urgent problem. They just wanted to "shoot the breeze." He was at his friend's house, and that's why he came to our house so late.

I always take the step's side

I always take the step's side but here I just think that your DH should be able to talk to his son whenever he wants, especially since your kids are calling late as well. Do you think that maybe you are resentful of the time he spends with his children? I completely understand wanting to be a priority, especially where your health is concerned. Read my post about my DH not coming home from visiting his daughter until I was in the emergency room! It sounds to me like you are being a bit unreasonable, or maybe there are other incidences and this incident is just one of many that feel like he is putting others before you?

My kids aren't allowed to

My kids aren't allowed to call late because they know that I have to get my sleep. If they do, DH gets extremely angry. My DH has put kids first for a long time (ever since we were married). He did not do this when we were dating. I didn't know what I was in for. I'm committed to marriage, so I'm trying to work it out with him.

Double post

SS was in the area and went

SS was in the area and went to see his friends. That was the reason he was so late. My kids don't call after 10:00. It was husband that wanted to "shoot the breeze" with his son. It was not something important!

I didn' have the kids when

I didn' have the kids when they were young, just teenagers up. My DH didn't do this when we were dating, so your comments about accepting this has no substance.

I guess since this has been

I guess since this has been going on so long, I'm just tired of it. This is just one example of him being inconsiderate and of putting his kids first. He has spent every weekend with his kids to move them, fix their cars, etc. When he does come in the house, all he does is stare at his computer and watch TV. He's there for everyone else but me. The other night when he came to bed, I had a migraine. I asked him to rub my neck, and he said he was too busy and that he had things to do. He will do anything his kids ask him, including give them hundreds of dollars. I've had to put up with this since the beginning of our marriage. He didn't do that when we were dating.

I agree - it's not just the

I agree - it's not just the bedtime issue. I went through decades of this with DH. Incident after incident piled up, and I'm sure this is the case with you too. No matter how petty it looked, it was still part of the issue, and the REAL issue was DH placing SD's welfare and happiness above mine. Finally, I decided that if DH could not make me a priority in his life I would make ME the priority in mine. I was worth it - and you are too. If you truly believe you are worth it, your DH will follow.