More crap from DH since I won't STFU anymore lol
Last night all four of us were eating dinner together for the first time. OSD19, YSD13 who wants to be a boy, DH and myself. DH was joking with SD13 about something and socked her in the arm. She didn't like it, but hey, if she's going to be a boy.....and he didn't punch her that hard at all, he surprised her more than anything because she's about the size of a French-cut string bean.
Then I think it was DH who commented on how dirty her glasses were. SD13 never cleans her glasses, never pays attention to how she is presenting herself to the world. It might have been SD19 who made the comment and DH wondered how SD13 could even see out of her glasses? They are nasty. Anyway as usual, then SD13 ASKS for something. She asked DH when she could get new glasses. The current pair on her face cost close to $200, and it was me who took her almost two years ago to get glasses when she started growing. Her little kid glasses were way too small to even fit on her head when her BM died, so she wasn't wearing them. That was back in the good ole days when SD13 was only 11 and actually fun to be with. The wanting new glasses is all part of the "Every Day Is Christmas" theme since SD13 has decided to become a boy. She pulled this shit with me a few months ago, and I told her we could go and see if her prescription had changed, but she would keep the same frames because frames are expensive. SD13 didn't like that at the time, so here she was last night, playing "poor me" to Daaaddeee in front of OSD19. I piped up and I know I shouldn't have, but I said, "When you start taking care of the glasses you HAVE, then maybe you can get new ones. Let's not forget that SD13 just got a $50 swim top to flatten the boobs she doesn't have because she wants to be a boy. Dinner went on for a few more minutes and then the shit hit the fan, out of left field. I didn't see it coming at all.
The Skids had left the kitchen and I was doing a few dishes at the sink, when DH comes over in a huff. He was MAD, but trying to keep his voice down.
DH: WHY did you DO that?!?!?
ME: Do WHAT?
DH: Oh you KNOW, WHY did you have to do that?!
ME: (getting defensive, which I usually don't do) Why don't you frikkin' TELL me what it is that I DID instead of attacking me?
DH: I don't even have to tell you, you KNOW!
I seriously didn't know WTF he was talking about, and then I figured one of SD13's flower petals must have fallen off or something.
ME: Maybe SD13 is pissed because you surprised her by punching her in the arm?
DH: No! WHY did you say she couldn't have new glasses yet? You know she wants them!
This is coming from DH who bought a $600 pair of Tommy Bahama Progressive lenses about three years ago and DOES NOT WEAR them! DH likes to SPEND, but he doesn't dare touch the checkbook. He's scared of it lol. I handle that. He is a big money waster.
ME: You know what? If you're going to keep being a passive-aggressive ASS to me in my own home, you and your kids can walk out that front door!! (I continued loading my things into the dishwasher....My stomach was up on my throat because I have NEVER disrespected my DH with words like that, but my balls are in training, so I gave it a shot. LOL) DH was surprised at my comment and hesitated for a moment. Then I did it. Don't know if I should have, but I said it. I did it.
ME: You won't have to worry about me for much longer, because I'm getting OUT of here.
DH: What's that supposed to mean?.......
I left him standing in the kitchen, mouth dropped open, and walked misty-eyed back upstairs to my room. I love being in my room. Privacy. Reasonable quiet (except my stupid neighbor is mowing his lawn at 8am on a holiday right now). Comfort, where I can do my own thing. DH came up a few minutes later, and boy oh boy had he CHANGED his mood towards me. Evidently, I had scared the shit out of him with that comment. I told him again I get NO respect in my own home, our parenting styles are different. He asked for examples and started getting snippy with me and I told him I wasn't in the mood. He still shot down the few things I was saying at first and defended his naive DDs, and again I told him I didn't want to get into it. Then he said we have to do SOMETHING to make this work. I reminded him that SD19 is a toxic bitch (not in those words) whenever she is asked to DO something. I asked DH if he had seen her "old" room? You can't se the carpet in there with all of her dorm shit just dumped in there, but at least it's out of my garage. DH said he's already spoken to her about it, so I guess that's progress? Who cares at this point? I asked DH what he was trying to teach his DDs by letting them be lazy and not pick up after themselves, letting them think it didn't matter? I told DH that I couldn't live in a messy home FULL OF DOG PISS from SDog, either. I told him it was just ridiculous. DH said that he's in a diaper. I told him it's going to have to be that way for YEARS because the little shit keeps marking everywhere when he's not in a diaper. I told him we needed to get rid of SDOg because no one pays him any attention. I told DH that SDog should be locked at the hip with SD13 with her being totally responsible for him. DH said SDog is a "good pup" and we weren't getting rid of him. Just because SDog is happy, doesn't mean he isn't making my life miserable!! I live in a filthy house and all DH can think about is pulling up the basement carpet and tiling it down there for thousands of dollars. Why don't we just get rid of the SDog for FREE? Anyway, THAT'S not happening.
I told him I couldn't stay here anymore like this. DH kept trying to put down my ways of thinking. I told him it was called parenting, setting boundaries for your kids so they grow up with good habits and might actually be able to take care of themselves as young adults as they go into the world. SD19 even said at dinner that she doesn't want to graduate, she wants to stay in school forever so she doesn't have to grow up. She's not going to be staying here if I have any say in it, but then again, neither am I.
DH ended up reaching out to me and giving me a hug. He said how worried he was about SD13 and afraid that she'll kill herself over this depression with being transgendered. I just wanted to take that out of the equation. I told DH that no matter what, she is still a naive 13yo and she needs some boundaries, some rules and she needs to be monitored. DH commented on how she's a good kid, which she is. It's not like she's doing drugs or sneaking out the window like DH did when he was 13. DH tried to say that I was a bad kid when I was 13 and I shot that down. I reminded him that I took care of myself and did what was expected of me. I followed the rules my parents set for me. I wasn't perfect and when I messed up my SDad held me accountable by talking to me, making me see how I had acted up inappropriately. It worked.
Then DH said he realizes I do a lot for this house, blah blah blah. That's ok, I am still working on my plan and getting the fuck out of here. I might even leave the damn dogs, just to save my sanity and get out sooner. DH and I bought the four dogs together after we were married. This house has a huge third acre yard for them. DH said he always wanted a house full of dogs. Well, he's got that and two fucked-up kids who need serious help in dealing with the world. I told DH that he babies them entirely too much and that's why they are the way they are. If he was a little more of a disciplinarian with them and got their dumb-asses in gear, then maybe they would hold higher standards for themselves and be somewhat self-sufficient.
Doesn't matter, I am fully disengaging after last night. Except DH drives from Baltimore to NY and back tomorrow in a day. Round trip. I hate that shit, when he's out of town. Hey, at least mini-wife is home from college to save the day, sitting on her ass not working yet. She is pet sitting, where she spends the night at the pet's house and then hangs out here during the day. Lovely.
Meanwhile, I am saving my money at break-neck speed. Moving ALL of my paycheck into my savings. I manage the checkbook, so we should be able to survive on DH's pay and our current savings. I need to chill on the financial front because we have a good amount of savings from when BM died. I'd like to think it's for emergencies, but DH likes to think it's for NOW, for whatever his DDs want. Like glasses and clothes and compression tops. DH keeps saying "We need to spend the money we get for SD13 in case we get audited!" We get money from social security (from BM) every month. I reminded him that our mortgage is higher and we buy more groceries every month because SD13 is here with us full-time. I also reminded him of braces last year and the expense of SDog. It was $800 last year to have his teeth pulled and $1200 last week to have a bladder stone removed. DH said that SDog doesn't count as an expense! I told him the hell he doesn't! If SD13 wasn't here FT, then SDog wouldn't be here, either!!! OK, well then DH can support me, too. I'll make the math work. I always do.
At least now DH is "on guard" after I dropped that statement about leaving. I may just save a shit-ton of money and then blow it on some high rent for a year AND take the dogs with me. We'll see what falls into my lap first. I keep checking for places online. All of the places that allow pets are huge homes with rent around $2000 a month. OK, so I need to save for rent, utilities, a lawn boy. A girl can live large, right?
I'm going to try my best to do this my way.
Oh, funny note to end on.....SD19 didn't know how to lock the front door with the keycode pad that we have. So she decided to go out the garage and didn't time it right. Yep, smacked her head into the door after she hit the button and made a run for it to get under the garage door and out in time. Maybe it knocked some sense into her? LMAO }:)
Oh, and DH is at WORK this morning on Memorial Day for a few hours. Nice.........not! I'm keeping my earplugs in and staying in my room. Screw it. Pissed that my neighbor mowed his lawn and got my pups all riled up. Too many stupid people around today lol.
~ Moon
Hi Train.....I have let DH
Hi Train.....I have let DH "have it" before, almost every weekend since I found out about that damn hedgehog. But......I have NEVER said that I was leaving, until last night.
Damn sure got his attention. He might think I'm pissing into the wind with that comment, but you know I have my plan. }:)
~ Moon
"We" have to do something to
"We" have to do something to make this work? Because you compromising and letting the rodent into your home, not banning an adult from your house, pushing for therapy for SD13, you putting up with all the disrespect and bs from All of them isn't You doing something? I would have told him there's no more we in trying to make this work, it's all on him now.
He's been a complete ass to you, going behind your back, undermining you and he needs to fix his damn self. All you need to do is keep working on your exit plan.
Worst case is I leave without
Worst case is I leave without my dogs. They would be expensive to care for on my own, but we'll see. My rental home is a further trip from work, but the guy renting it works for the same company I do. I could always give notice if things got bad. I can still go to my parents any minute and stay there, too. That would be a short-term plan, staying with the parents. Cheap plan would be moving back to my TH where the mortgage is very low. I lived there alone for years when I wasn't making much money, so I could certainly do it now.
My dream is to have a single family home and take my pups. We'll see what fate has in store for me.
~ Moon
I'm sure your ate some magic
I'm sure your ate some magic beans: your "balls" sure did grow fast!
This sounds like a nightmare
This sounds like a nightmare situation. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this!
Nope, didn't verbalize the
Nope, didn't verbalize the boob top at the table. Just thought it. SD13 received her top on Monday and here she is whining about new glasses last night. I told DH sure, go ahead and get them, because you always give in. Take her to Walmart for an appointment and pick them out.
DH actually said that he might give SD13 the choice of a cell phone for HS or new glasses before 9th grade starts. (Sorry I forgot this part above, post took forever....) I asked DH why he was getting SD13 a cell phone? So she could use a data plan to walk 1000 feet from the bus stop to our front door? He said he wanted her to be able to call him if she needed to. Right now she has an iPod Touch which can text and get wi-fi, so it's not on a monthly plan. I told DH to get SD13 a Cricket Go-Phone for $20 a month if he wanted her to call him.
I told him that OSD19 is blazing through the data plan while she pet sits. But then I shut up because I remembered that I am removing my pay from the equation and banking it for future use.
The house belongs to both of us but DH gets very territorial because he sold stock for a down payment. Not my fault he has two kids and their BM died. DH doesn't want to parent. I told him that even when he's here, he's not "present." He's like a third fucking teenager.
~ Moon
Amazing how boundaries work,
Amazing how boundaries work, eh? You let him know he was trampling yours for sure and suddenly you have his attention.
At every single juncture your dh seems think the answer is "Moon must give in/step up." He never thinks one of the girls has to give in. He never thinks he has to step up. That is a really awesome plan--for him.
He's raised one already adult who flat out states she doesn't want to grow up or even graduate. His other child is filthy and trying to contort her own body. But he thinks he's doing a bang-up job as a parent? Are you kidding me?
I feel so sorry for sdog. No one teaches him anything. None of this is his fault. He's just a little critter doing critter things trying to survive.
So, it's ON. AGAIN. SD19
So, it's ON. AGAIN. SD19 took SD13 back to the old neighborhood and she (SD19) hasn't returned yet. It has been stifling HOT in my house today, even though I have the shades drawn, the windows shut and the AC on 68 degrees. The upstairs gets hot big time in this house.
But not this hot. What praytell could it be? I finally looked across the hall a few minutes ago and saw light coming from under SD19's old bedroom door, so RAGS, I did it. I used my android and captured the moment and sent it to DH.
Me: I need you to please speak with Our Lady of the Rodents about her old room. Her clothes need to be in the basement closet tomorrow. Also it's hot as hell and then I see she's left the light on and the blinds up, with the curtains open all the way, all morning while she sat downstairs. Handle this please.
I sent a picture of her floor, which I don't mind if it has college stuff on it, but her CLOTHES and suitcases need to be in her "NEW" room.
I sent a second picture of her ceiling fan light on, blinds UP and curtains wide OPEN. I texted DH again and said....
Me: Thats a pair of her dirty underwear in a pair of shorts next to her laptop right inside the door. No clothing is to be in there. She is a mess!
DH: Got it.
Uh-huh. So glad you "got it" DH. So now Princess is using her old room as a clothes hamper and leaving the blinds up when she's only in there for a few minutes before taking a shower. I so badly want to hang signs behind her curtains, on her blinds, "Leave these the fuck CLOSED!" I get sick to my stomach when I can't cool down, and to think the bitch was sitting downstairs? Probably in my LR with YSD13 watching TV? I went down to the living room and locked out the TV. SD19 is going to be pissed. The house temperature feels better already.
Or maybe it's just me. }:)
~ Moon
LOL that would be a sight!
LOL that would be a sight! Critter is in the new basement bedroom, in the breaker box room with the door shut. This is her new closet, complete with a steel shelf unit which she can use to put her clothes on. DH, SD13 and I made it very nice for her, but she's not using the basement except for to house the rodent. If I tossed her crap out the window it would land on top of the porch. DH knows I don't want to HEAR her, not one bit. So SD19 will clean tomorrow. DH can't even walk into that room now to get his dress shirts out of the closet. SD19 still thinks it's hers! I'm not telling her shit. It's ALL GOING THROUGH DH! As long as I am under this roof, I will NOT tolerate filth in common areas! That room is not SD19's room anymore because we gave her the fucking basement!
I need to chill now. Shit. So pissed at how fucking lazy and messy she is in my fucking home! That TV being locked out will raise some eyebrows. I told DH yesterday that I was going to do it, but I didn't think I'd have a reason to this soon. Who was I kidding? SDs keep sitting on my good leather sofas with swamp ass, esp from SD13. Go use the 55" TV in the fucking basement! WHY can't DH tell them this?!?!?!!?
Ugh. Just UGH. See what the heat does to me? I think the bitch just came home. Damnit.
I like taking the rods away
I like taking the rods away so she can't twist them open! I should cut the strings off, too! SD19 doesn't know what she's doing. She's just a dumbass who is self-absorbed and doesn't think of how fucking HOT the house gets. DH needs to make it clear to her that she can keep her dirty clothes hamper in her old room, since the W/D is up here outside of the bedrooms, and she is only to SHOWER up here.
Yesterday, DH said, "You know why she's not staying here the entire summer? Because you don't want her to. Why don't you come downstairs and spend some time with the SDs? Just 30 minutes?"
I told him flat out NO. I spent dinner with them and we all know how THAT turned out. I have NO DESIRE to be around his kids anymore. None. I hate putting on the fake happy face while there is a rodent in the basement. LOL I think I just heard her go down to the basement. Awwww, what's wrong? Living room TV locked out, Peaches? Enjoy your fucking sectional and your big-ass TV and stay the fuck down there already. I am livid today. I may just have to go stay with my parents for a month until the SDs go to the beach with crazy Gma.
They will let me down at every turn and DH does nothing to parent them and have them look after themselves. So glad he worked a full day at the office on Memorial Day. How fucked is THAT? Then he goes out of town on a long road trip tomorrow, turns around and comes back in the same day. I told him that his common sense never ceases to amaze me. Long road travel, in one day, after a holiday weekend when people are getting back home? Duhhhhhh........
Moon - you do what you said
Moon - you do what you said below and she will move right back upstairs WITH the rodent. Don't let her take over your house...be strong for just a while longer.
-----------------------------------
'I may just have to go stay with my parents for a month until the SDs go to the beach with crazy Gma.'
SD19 is creeping around the
SD19 is creeping around the house lol. She came upstairs as quiet as a mouse to her "hamper room." I'm sure it was to get her laptop. Make sure you don't step on your dirty drawers ya left there, Princess! I'm thinking DH texted her already because usually she blows through here like a hurricane without a brain, making noise, slamming doors, leaving blinds up.....I seriously felt ill earlier because it was so hot up here. Now it's freezing lmao. See? It IS possible for a 19yo to not make a peep when she's here. DH just has to parent her! How you like them eggshells, SD19?
As far as telling her off? It's not my style and any ammo I give her, she'll throw right back at me. We've been through this before and DH takes her side. She is nuts and won't shut the hell up until I put her head into the drywall. That's not me either. This bitch is NUTS.
~ Moon
Damnit, it was SD13 who was
Damnit, it was SD13 who was quiet as a mouse. She always is. I was hoping SD19 had learned that this is a quiet home! Nope.
It sounds as if you are
It sounds as if you are giving DH clarity. Hopefully the lessons will stick.
Take care of yourself.
Maybe sell your townhouse to
Maybe sell your townhouse to buy him out of the house you live in now or sell your townhouse for a downpayment on a new house. But I agree with Tommar. At this point nothing he or they do can fix it. You need a breather. For a long time.
Townhouse doesn't have enough
Townhouse doesn't have enough value yet. I've called my realtor GF. It's ok, I will continue to save. }:)
I just told my Mom I might come stay with her for a month lol.
I was single with two dogs
I was single with two dogs after my first husband died. I had the two dogs for 14 more years. I had a dog door and we were a happy bunch. I have four Border Collies, so they need a yard to run in. They are surprisingly docile and sleep a lot during the day, but they need room outside. It would break my heart to leave them. It would be tough to have all four. It would be tough to split them up. Don't think I haven't thought of this already. If I left them with DH, then DH would have to buy me out of this house in order to keep it. It is The Dog House. He doesn't have that kind of money. So, if we were to sell it, then he would need to buy something else in order to give them enough room. I fear for their well-being.
I am looking for the perfect place to rent, with room for the dogs. DH would NOT be ok with me taking the dogs. We both know I would take perfect care of them and he would not. He has his two SDs and SDog to take care of......
Decisions.
Thank you, EVERYONE for your
Thank you, EVERYONE for your input in dealing with the batshit crazy that posted on here. I posted above before I read any of your comments backing me up. It was nice to see that all of you know my true story.
I just want SD13 to gain some life skills and a thicker skin, because HS is NOT going to be a walk in the park for her like she thinks it is next fall.
~ Moon
Oh, Moon! I hate that you are
Oh, Moon! I hate that you are having to live in that circus, even if it isn't your circus! What is it with these guys? They can disrespect you, allow their kids to disrespect you, and yell at you for it! Yet, the second you even mention leaving...backtrack city! DH does the exact same crap!
I also have the same problem with DH...he doesn't touch the check book, but he is really good about spending/wasting money! Whenever I tell him HHB can't have this or that because it simply isn't in the budget (because HE has no money left to buy it for her, and I'm sure as hell not buying her jack anymore), I get the same kind of crap as your DH pulled. I mean, why can't the princess have what she wants? Because that isn't how you RAISE a child! Kids don't get whatever it is they want, even if the parents can afford it! You give a child whatever they want, they grow up to be entitled brats who can't launch out into the world!
I told DH years ago to teach
I told DH years ago to teach SD19 "disappointment" by telling her "No" on a few minor things when she was about 14yo or so, just so she'd learn that life didn't always go your way. Also, so she'd learn she has to do some things on her own. Now SD19 is an enabled, entitled monster.
SD13 is starting to wield this same power, unbeknownst to her. She is used to getting her way and will be disappointed, too. Right now she can't understand why everyone just can't be nice to everyone else and get along? She has joined an anti-bullying campaign at school. I am hoping it will teach her some life skills, but I still think she is looking through rose-colored glasses at her transgendered future. I don't think she understands how truly difficult this will be in today's society. Yes, it's a more liberal society, but still, there are problems.
~ Moon
I find it interesting that
I find it interesting that she is feeling attacked,when all I did was ask some questions that would give me some insight into what all this purulent rage is, which she failed to answer. Then when she did answer one about why she was so angry, she again makes about SD, and her reaction to her mother's death. Damn, she even wants to criticize this child's reaction to the death of her own mother! Your petty name calling and foul language are just part of what is really wrong in this situation. Here's a question for all of you that have bio children. If you died, would you want this woman to be your biochildren's stepmom?
Some of the things she saying that she does, if it was your bm, you would be so indignant. No eye checkup for a young person for two years, even though they can afford it,because her mother left her funds to be taken care of. Come on you all get mad if your BM's are not using the child support for the kids, please explain to me what the difference is?
Now you can call me whatever you like,because I obviously touched a nerve. But facts are facts and the facts are that if you look at even just this one post of hers, she is doing at least 10 things on the list below. You look at any of her other posts, she has them all covered. All you know is the parts that she chooses to share, and they are skating the edge. People that are really reading her posts,will notice the secret pleasure she is deriving, while she is still the ultimate victim of EVERYTHING, that happens, with no empathy, and as I said many contradictions. She tells you she hasn't been saying anything, being a little timid mouse of a wife, when you can read that is not the case.
Everyone goes through things and people that are venting and sharing here in order to release frustration will at least question themselves, or actually have legitimate beefs. This one right here,she takes the cake. Be mad if you want, but check out the list.
Abusive Cycle - This is the name for the ongoing rotation between destructive and constructive behavior which is typical of many dysfunctional relationships and families.
Alienation - The act of cutting off or interfering with an individual's relationships with others.
"Always" and "Never" Statements - "Always" and "Never" Statements are declarations containing the words "always" or "never". They are commonly used but rarely true.
Anger - People who suffer from personality disorders often feel a sense of unresolved anger and a heightened or exaggerated perception that they have been wronged, invalidated, neglected or abused.
Baiting - A provocative act used to solicit an angry, aggressive or emotional response from another individual.
Blaming - The practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem, rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem.
Bullying - Any systematic action of hurting a person from a position of relative physical, social, economic or emotional strength.
Cheating - Sharing a romantic or intimate relationship with somebody when you are already committed to a monogamous relationship with someone else.
Denial - Believing or imagining that some painful or traumatic circumstance, event or memory does not exist or did not happen.
Dissociation- A psychological term used to describe a mental departure from reality.
Domestic Theft - Consuming or taking control of a resource or asset belonging to (or shared with) a family member, partner or spouse without first obtaining their approval.
Emotional Blackmail - A system of threats and punishments used in an attempt to control someone’s behaviors.
Sense of Entitlement - An unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others.
False Accusations - Patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticism directed towards someone else.
Favoritism - Favoritism is the practice of systematically giving positive, preferential treatment to one child, subordinate or associate among a family or group of peers.
Frivolous Litigation - The use of unmerited legal proceedings to hurt, harass or gain an economic advantage over an individual or organization.
Gaslighting - The practice of brainwashing or convincing a mentally healthy individual that they are going insane or that their understanding of reality is mistaken or false. The term “Gaslighting” is based on the 1944 MGM movie “Gaslight”.
Grooming - Grooming is the predatory act of maneuvering another individual into a position that makes them more isolated, dependent, likely to trust, and more vulnerable to abusive behavior.
Harassment - Any sustained or chronic pattern of unwelcome behavior by one individual towards another.
Hoovers & Hoovering - A Hoover is a metaphor taken from the popular brand of vacuum cleaners, to describe how an abuse victim trying to assert their own rights by leaving or limiting contact in a dysfunctional relationship, gets “sucked back in” when the perpetrator temporarily exhibits improved or desirable behavior.
Impulsiveness - The tendency to act or speak based on current feelings rather than logical reasoning.
Imposed Isolation - When abuse results in a person becoming isolated from their support network, including friends and family.
Intimidation - Any form of veiled, hidden, indirect or non-verbal threat.
Invalidation - The creation or promotion of an environment which encourages an individual to believe that their thoughts, beliefs, values or physical presence are inferior, flawed, problematic or worthless.
Lack of Conscience - Individuals who suffer from Personality Disorders are often preoccupied with their own agendas, sometimes to the exclusion of the needs and concerns of others. This is sometimes interpreted by others as a lack of moral conscience.
Lack of Object Constancy - An inability to remember that people or objects are consistent, trustworthy and reliable, especially when they are out of your immediate field of vision.
Magical Thinking - Looking for supernatural connections between external events and one’s own thoughts, words and actions.
Narcissism - A set of behaviors characterized by a pattern of grandiosity, self-centered focus, need for admiration, self-serving attitude and a lack of empathy or consideration for others.
Neglect - A passive form of abuse in which the physical or emotional needs of a dependent are disregarded or ignored by the person responsible for them.
Normalizing - Normalizing is a tactic used to desensitize an individual to abusive, coercive or inappropriate behaviors. In essence, normalizing is the manipulation of another human being to get them to agree to, or accept something that is in conflict with the law, social norms or their own basic code of behavior.
No-Win Scenarios - When you are manipulated into choosing between two bad options
Objectification - The practice of treating a person or a group of people like an object.
Parental Alienation Syndrome - When a separated parent convinces their child that the other parent is bad, evil or worthless.
Pathological Lying - Persistent deception by an individual to serve their own interests and needs with little or no regard to the needs and concerns of others. A pathological liar is a person who habitually lies to serve their own needs.
Proxy Recruitment - A way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other people into unwittingly backing “doing the dirty work”
Raging, Violence and Impulsive Aggression - Explosive verbal, physical or emotional elevations of a dispute. Rages threaten the security or safety of another individual and violate their personal boundaries.
Sabotage - The spontaneous disruption of calm or status quo in order to serve a personal interest, provoke a conflict or draw attention.
Scapegoating - Singling out one child, employee or member of a group of peers for unmerited negative treatment or blame.
Selective Memory and Selective Amnesia - The use of memory, or a lack of memory, which is selective to the point of reinforcing a bias, belief or desired outcome.
Self-Aggrandizement - A pattern of pompous behavior, boasting, narcissism or competitiveness designed to create an appearance of superiority.
Shaming - The difference between blaming and shaming is that in blaming someone tells you that you did something bad, in shaming someone tells you that you are something bad.
Stalking - Any pervasive and unwelcome pattern of pursuing contact with another individual.
Testing - Repeatedly forcing another individual to demonstrate or prove their love or commitment to a relationship.
Thought Policing - Any process of trying to question, control, or unduly influence another person's thoughts or feelings.
Threats - Inappropriate, intentional warnings of destructive actions or consequences.
Triangulation - Gaining an advantage over perceived rivals by manipulating them into conflicts with each other.
Tunnel Vision - The habit or tendency to only see or focus on a single priority while neglecting or ignoring other important priorities.
Lol. I hope you feel better,
Lol.
I hope you feel better, because you sure had a lot to post! Did you copy and paste this from your other site?
If "Evil" really is in West
If "Evil" really is in West Virginia, I could just drive them over this afternoon. All the more reason to think this is some unemployed bored GUBM, with nothing but internet time on her hands.
I am in WV and if you are
I am in WV and if you are nearby, you should pop over, I definitely have the body to go with my brains. You would be so much more angry then you are now if you actually saw me.
Now when you say you could drive over this afternoon, what does that mean? Are you threatening me?
Why you mad, Boo?!
Wow. Asking Moon about her
Wow. Asking Moon about her 'hobby'. Yours must be delving into someone else's life to point out everything that you think is wrong with it. Talk about having time on your hands. As far as we know, you don't know her personally, so it's actually kind of weird to to take so much interest when all you want to do is rag on her.
BTW, I think sike, is actually spelled 'psych'.
Who ARE you??
Some people need login ids
Some people need login ids like:
Sh!tD!sturber
A$$Hat
StalkingBioMom
AdultPretendingToBeATeen
IAmSheldonFan
CrewCrewCrew
Ha, I got the message but
Ha, I got the message but did/do not care. We don't need another---oh, never-mind, I don't want to mention any names.
The crazies definitely come
The crazies definitely come out in the summer time. Is that because school is out or is it because the crazy BMs are bored without their kids around?
What is it now? One week down
What is it now? One week down and four more to go, Moon? IIRC it was to be five weeks. You're 20% through. Bright side, sounds like HH is not causing too many problems and is staying in it's little spot in the basement. Dark side? Too bad SD19 isn't staying down in her spot.
You might consider putting a lock on SD19's old bedroom. Make her come and ask for entrance. She doesn't need in there when Dad and you are working during the day. Get her a cheap plastic beach bag carry-all to take back and forth to the shower. She can carry up her clean clothing for shower and carry back down to basement her soiled clothes. Put up a line to hang her damp things if needed down there and a cheap hamper for her dry dirty clothes. She can cart her laundry up on her laundry day and then carry it all right back down. Her college crap is being stored in the old bedroom, she doesn't need to be in that room. If it is necessary she can ask to be admitted. She's proved herself incapable of the privilege of coming in and out of there without supervision. Dad can get off his butt and unlock the door in the evenings if she needs something in there. He can also make sure she hasn't done anything like leave windows open and lights on when he relocks the door. She wants to act five, she can be treated like she's five. There was a reason she was regulated to the basement. Remind her of that.
If SD13 gets a monthly check for being a minor survivor treat it like CS. Have DH decide what is needed out of it to put into household cost (food ect), what is needed to perhaps go in savings for her for emergencies and whatnot and also an amount put in an account (existing account even) that is for Dad to use for clothing, glasses, boob trappers, and whatever else Dad thinks she 'needs'. When the daily 'needs' cash is gone or getting too low due to SD spending, then nothing else until next check. It's a simple budget. If SD wants/needs something she can learn about budgets and living within her means. This is what is coming in for her and people who have a budget have to make choices. Then no matter what it is Dad and her decide to buy or not buy that month tune out of it. If they spend $50 , fine. Girly swim suit or boyish swim wear, doesn't matter. They are done spending when they run out of the monthly allotted money. If she needs glasses, fine. However if she has already went through her monthly allotted cash, she has to wait for the following month. If she then spends 200-300 on new glasses, she has to realize there will be little to none left then to go shopping for something else she needs and/or wants. It's part of Dad's job as parent to teach his kids that money doesn't grow on trees and people can't spend more than they have. Even adults have to space out their wants/needs. There is no such thing as an unlimited supply of cash just because we need/want something.
Thanks for the feedback
Thanks for the feedback twoviewpoints. You're right, only four weeks to go. Then DH goes out of town while SD19 goes back to campus for summer classes and work. Also, DH would never dream of locking Our Lady of the Rodents out of her old room. All of her clothes are in there and she has moved ZERO to the basement. At least I can still shut the door to her old room and she doesn't hang out in there with the windows open!
Good news! SD19's old job called her so she started working. Bad news! SD13 was being picked on at school today and doesn't have the "coping skills" to deal with it, according to DH. She had a meltdown today and texted DH who called the guidance counselor. SD13 is having a rough go of it because she wants everyone to just accept her. She actually blew a fuse because people saw what her middle name was. DH and I agree, and he told SD13, that this is just the tip of the iceberg. Teens can be real bullies. I worry about SD13 and just can't see how she is so naive to this bullying. I think she thinks that because she is nice to people, that they will automatically be nice in return. Three more weeks of school for SD13. Then HS in the fall.
OMG SD19 just said at dinner,
OMG SD19 just said at dinner, "Daaaddeeee, I need you to help me get groceries for when I go back to school."
DH said she needs to figure out a budget so she can have groceries during summer school. The dining halls aren't open. SD19 said she didn't know what to get. I told her to start making a "Favorites List" and a meal schedule. Then buy in bulk an get a lot of ziploc bags. I'm sure DH will buy her groceries, but at least he told her to figure out a budget. I asked her, "K-Cups or Starbucks?" to get her thinking about money.
Oh and SD13 is getting an iPhone6. This is her first cell phone. DH wants to be able to get in touch with her at all times since she is having trouble at school. I just looked at DH and said, "As long as you can afford it. That's a $600 phone with the 2-year plan you want to do, plus the cost of adding her to our family plan." DH then proceeded to tell me how expensive my android is. Um, I stopped him right there.
I have NEVER had a new phone since I've met DH. Whenever something new would come out, DH would give me his used phone and get something new for himself. It's ok because I take care of my cell phones that I've had, even though they are more than a few years old when they are passed to me. The phones have never broken or anything. I just wait until something new comes out that DH wants and I get his leftover phone. DH and SD19 drop theirs in the toilet, break the glass, etc. They get repaired and I get them sooner or later, at least the one's from DH. SD19's just get worn out and don't work anymore. Also, I never got the one that DH dropped in the toilet. Made sure of that.
~ Moon
I'm sure the next phone bill
I'm sure the next phone bill will be through the roof. I'll wait and see and then put controls on the phones!