I'm so sorry to hear of your dilemma... Does your SD13 live FT with you both?

I don't know what I would do but the thought of moving out and having a trial separation seems appealing as the issue will only get worse if your DH is never home to parent his own child. And shit, at 13 the teenage years are only just starting!

I'm so sorry Moon (hugs). That's got to hurt like crazy it sounds exhausting, and so frustrating.

I don't have enough experience in this field yet to offer much advice, but wanted to send you some support and heartfelt empathy and hugs
J

This is exactly why I have a zero tolerance, confront and destroy policy with the idiot blended family opposition regardless of who they are. You fuck with me or my bride and I destroy you. Period, I destroy you socially, financially, physically, emotionally, whatever it takes for you to gain clarity that you behave appropriately or you suffer.

SD is 13, had she pulled that shit and I were DH I would have met her at the door with a pillow case, her electronics, all of them, would have been in that case as soon as she walked in the door and I would have taken a hammer to them, then I would have put her over her bed with her nose buried in her toxic stinky matress pad and I would have taken my belt to her bare ass until she could not sit for a week. After lighting her ass up I would have dragged her to the back yard where I would have tossed her a bar of soap and gotten the garden hose and proceeded to blast her with the hose while instructing her to wash. If she gave me lip I would have threatened the power washer and to replace the bar of soap with a Brillo pad. Then I would have taken everything out of her room and put it on the curb for the trash man and given her a single little house on the prairie dress to wear to school complete with bloomers and very uncool Amish girl shoes. She fucks with me or my bride she is the most abjectly miserable snarky, smart mouthed, formerly hygiene deficient 13yo on the planet.

She would be eating nothing but bread and water, she would be begging for interface other than a belt to the ass, and she would be speaking to me and my bride in only the most polite and respectful terms or she would be suffering a stinging ass. If she missed bathing it would be immediately out to the back yard with the hose and a bar of soap.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I have zero tolerance for this kind of crap and she would be begging for relief until she complied exactly with appropriate behavioral standards.

Grrrrr!! Give your DH a paddle and tell him to step up and start using it.

My Skid got these consequences, I outsourced them to Military School where compliance is mandatory and nonconformity is not tolerated. He gained clarity though not to the extent my dad, my little brother, and I did from our military school experience. It took keeping out foot up his ass until he realized the could comply or he could launch. His choice.

He launched.

Your SD should have a 5 year horizon of abject misery of she does not extricate her head from her ass and DH needs to bring the pain with zero tolerance until she does gain clarity. That he doesn't begs the question of why he does not care enough about your marriage or his kid to force the issue to conclusion regardless of how unpleasant that would be on his toxic, stanky spawn.

I suggest military school. Those kids would have SD-13 wincing, crying, and shuddering over the remotest thought of not doing what she was told when she was told to do it. And, it gets her the hell out of your life.

Dad has very little control. He is stupid, the girl now knows she can do whatever she wants. She is on your level. She deserves "respect" from you and only then will she "respect" you. In her 13 year old brain, she is an adult. That text conversation was so over the top disrespectful. Her dad took a tremendous amount of disrespect before shutting her down.

Her dad is a moron, his 13 year old will raise herself. Is raising herself. He better hope it turns out well. Cause all he can do is hope. He isn't parenting.

Let it go, Moon. You have to for your own sake...disengage 100%
Even if my SD 17 does end up being pregnant, I won't have anything to do with any part of it.
Your DH needs to parent just as mine does. We can't fix any of it because we're not backed up by our DH's. They think they're doing a good job, take a step back, and let them see the results.

Moon,

First, get your diabetes under control before you kill yourself. I have been a T-1 diabetic for nearly 35 years (since I was 16). As you are well aware it is not a disease that you can leave unmanaged.

Hypo episodes can be scary as you also well know. My little brother used to call them "Stupid Diabetic Tricks" when I would get loopy and not be able to function.

I suggest this book which is my Bible of diabetes management.

http://www.diabetes-book.com/

You can read a selection of the chapters from the above website. I keep multiple copies and when I meet someone who is struggling with the disease or newly diagnosed I give them a copy. I have given away several dozen copies in the 18+ years since I first read it. The techniques Dr. B recommends have completely eliminated catastrophic low BG levels for me. I will upon occasion go low but never any lower than mid 60s mg/dl which for me is well within the realm of being in control and easily corrected. With tight control I can easily remain in control to as low as the mid 20s mg/dl but those days are long past for me. Even better, hyperglycemic episodes are even rarer.

IMHO it is very important for you to give clarity to your DH that stress is a potential killer for you as stress can be a driver of out of control BG levels and his failure to step up and parent as well as to keep his kid under control is adversely impacting your health. He needs to clearly understand that engaging in discussions with her like the text conversation you mention above rather than blistering her bare teen ass with a belt and giving her absolute clarity is tantamount to actively causing you health problems.

Buy the book, read it, have DH read it, and buy him a paddle and tell him to step up. First by cutting off all of the Skid's digital communications and second by applying some analog com to her bare ass with the paddle.

As my grandmother used to say "If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel!" Time for the skid to get to feeling and for your DH to bring the stimulus to that education process.

Your DH needs to understand your disease nearly as well as you do. It is far easier to manage when the whole household is knowledgeable and follows the same diet and low stress lifestyle.

Interestingly I have been battling with my bride on and off for years to adopt a low CHO diet model in our home. It makes it easier on me from a diabetes management perspective and we both keep our weight under much better control. Interestingly she battled me on and off for years on this but when the Skid was Dx’d with Lactose Intolerance she immediately got on board with a lactose free and low CHO nutrition plan that we have been following very diligently . I give her complete shit about fighting me on it yet immediately getting on board with the Skid is Dx’d with the lactose intolerance. She gives me THE look and then sais “I know, I know, don’t push it buddy!”.

Take care of yourself. Please. I do not want to hear about any stupid diabetic tricks coming from you.

Moon, I'm so sorry that you had to see those texts. But truthfully...you really already knew. I'm glad I never was party to interactions between DH and HHB because I KNOW this kind of stuff was said, but DH would never fess up to me! He has always tried to say she would say things like I was more of a mom to her than BM, and that she was just afraid I didn't like her..that she truly respected me and what I was trying to do for her. ***COUGH***BULLSHIT!!! I think it hurts more knowing that these girls can talk about us like they do, and our DHs just stay all calm and laid back never coming to our defense...never putting them in their place! THAT is what hurts! Seriously, I would have been demanding an apology from DH for not defending my honor with his entitled brat! It's good that she did apologize, but you and I both know...what is really going on? Is she just playing lip service because she was caught and she is hoping that "good deeds" will get her screen time back?

From what I've read recently, I also think you need to get the girl a different therapist. it wouldn't hurt to get a different perspective on the situation!

With exception of the transgender stuff, reading your posts these days is like watching reruns of my own life before HHB left! I hate that someone else is going through this crap!