I disengaged and it felt so good. Then I was forced to re-engage when SD (14) ran away last Tuesday and BM didn't have the time or energy and SKID (21) was too high on pills to go look for her- so it was up to me and DH and my 22yr daughter and her baby. She was found 2 days later at her abusive boyfriend's crack head mother's house. She threatened suicide (not the first time she has used it to get out of trouble) to the detective on her case so she got a trip to the adolescent psych ward at the hospital- she went home to BM's last night. We thought this might be a wake up call for BM but NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! She was diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder ( I called that 2 weeks ago LOL)- BM says "Oh she's just a Gemini". Dr tells BM to stop being her friend and be her mom- she answers "well I have a hard time with that so she pretty much runs the house". Dr agrees with DH and I that all contact should be cut with abusive boyfriend- mom's response "Oh he's a good boy and I think it should be her decision not to see him anymore"- Ummmm she hasn't made a rational decision in 2 years and she's 14. She has a mental disorder that prevents her from making logical decisions. So DH and I have a sit down last night and I lay it totally on the line- "Your kids and ex-wife drain me. I have been riding this freaking roller-coaster for the last 8 years and now I am getting off!!! I don't want to know anything about any of them. NOTHING!!!! No more drama in this house". He is pretty much at the same point as I am. He knows he will have to have a little more interaction with her but he's over the crap. He told the ex and his mother to just keep their info and opinions to themselves- which really surprised me, especially with his mother. He refused to let SD come to our house this weekend so BM could have a break from her and just sleep. NOPE- you made this monster, deal with it. He is babysitting her tonight and tomorrow after her outpatient class is over- I'm taking my daughter (16) to get our nails done and a massage today and going to my mother's tomorrow. Really hoping she's gone by the time we get home. Actually I will make sure she is. Thanks for letting me vent. I do have one question tho. Do I tell her I am disengaging from her or just do it? I didn't tell her the last time mostly because I didn't see her before I decided to and when she bolted from her mom's.