Joint Grad Party With BM? - Oh Hell No
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DH got a phone call from his ex today about having SD grad party at her house. "That way we can split the cost and the prep work" (insert sing song voice). DH said he would think about it. WHAT?!?! I sent ex a text simply stating it would be uncomfortable for both DH family and mine. She sent back, "I thought this was about E." I said, "It's about celebrating with friends and family." And left it at that.
Why didn't he just say no to her while he had her on the phone? He says he was caught off guard. I swear he still tries to appease her.
Erg!!!!
I agree. Always present a
I agree. Always present a unified front. Dont agree to ANYTHING until youve discussed it together. It DOES seem that the men go into "dumbass" mode sometimes when confronted by someone who probably had control of the relationship when they were together. Even the famiiar voice can be enough to stun a man into submission.
Hope he learns from this. Too bad it will suck for those who may attend a celebration with a giant elephant in the room who was also on the guest list
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time" Maya Angelou
Have your own grad parties,
Have your own grad parties, but don't expect the kid to be there. It's not fair to expect him to be at either one. Everyone should congratulate him after the ceremony, and I'm sure he will have friends he wants to run off with. Parents should celebrate with their friends, but these are not the kid's friends.
"Now is not a good time for
"Now is not a good time for me do discuss this. I will put some thought into it and let you know this week."
End of problem.
Notasm you nailed her down
Notasm you nailed her down perfectly! You left out the part where, after some wine, she launches into a tirade in front of everyone about how DH is a cheater, a liar, a horseass parent, (the list goes on). She does it at ball games, what would stop her at a grad party?
I should point out that E
I should point out that E lives with us full time, so us throwing her a graduation party makes sense. We can have parties for her on different days. It will all work out fine. Of course she will be there as the honoree - I didn't understand onthefence2 commenting that the graduate wouldn't be at her own party. Also, in the Midwest we typically don't have the party on the same day as the ceremony. This allows for kids to go to several parties spread out over two months.
DH's divorce was a nasty one. BM has done some dastardly deeds. Making DH's 80 year old mother and father suffer through a celebration with BM woukd be downright cruel.
I forgot to mention it is
I forgot to mention it is only January and we are talking about a party that doesn't happen until JUNE! She "just doesn't want to wait until the last minute." What she wants is not to be outshown by E's dad and SM.
The good news is that your
The good news is that your skid is almost aged out and hopefully there aren't any following behind this one.
I would suggest the same thing that another poster attempted to advise. Don't text BM. Stay firmly out of her orb of attention or she will think that texting or communicating with you is ok. Deflect back to DH and HE can break the sad news to the skid. Now it will be " your grad party would have been MUCH better except for the fact that your SM got in the way"
Years back when BM got the nerve to send my cell a text ordering "tell your boyfriend ...blah blah blah" , I sent s pic back of both of our hands covered in soapy bubbles clearly in a candle lit romantic setting, and a shiny new bauble twinkling in the suds with the message "correct that to fiancé and you can text him yourself, you know his number. Give him a few HOURS tho cause he's busy at the moment.."
She's never texted me again. Imagine that.