Reading his Texts
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Anybody read your husbands texts to find out what's going on with the the step family? He has BD37 & BD36. I was, because my husband does not openly share with me about them. I don't know why he seems to keep them a secret. I share with him about my BS38 & BS34, & BD36, but plan to stop being so open. Also plan to stop reading his texts. After a good cry, feeling better. Seems so sad to me.
YES, I started because BM had
YES, I started because BM had no boundaries and was texting a lot! To DH about a lot of non kid related stuff, and it was getting out of hand. memories, and about her boyfriends and break ups and poor pity me and I want this I want that photos of the kids...all the time and what they got for shoes and funny stories about work and photos of her at the bar with her friends...
I started to read through.
But I don't anymore. I made up my mind, boundaries with BM or I'm done with it all.
So far so good...and I don't read through them anymore
SO deletes everything. I
SO deletes everything. I look once in a great while and rarely find anything. When I do see texts to BM it usually him kissing her ass about something and I get pissed. It's funny because yesterday morning he was in the shower and I looked towards his phone and then thought, Nah, I'll find some kiss ass shit and it will ruin my day.
I guess I still care about
I guess I still care about his kids. There was a time we all got along and were like a family until they turned against me and started blaming me for everything. I have not banned anyone from my home and believe there is still hope to be able to get along. But my DH won't confront SD's and has no boundaries with them. He just acts like everything is perfectly fine. I have read the texts to see if they still bad mouth me and how he responds to it. Yes they do affect me and my relationship with my DH. If he listens to that kind of stuff and does not defend me, what does that say about our relationship?
I never said I felt "fully
I never said I felt "fully right" about invading his privacy. I have actually decided not to read them anymore. And I will know only what DH tells me. I don't want to become so hard hearted that I don't care about them anymore. I can handle my beef with DH. My next step is to let go and let God. My relationship has lasted 20 years so far. I think we'll shoot for another 20.
I have done it a couple
I have done it a couple times. Only ones that I see SD's name. That was only when I figured out that she was playing him and he was not telling me anything. Now, he shows me. But, thankfully the brat is gone again and only gets her digs in via twitter.
My husband used to show me
My husband used to show me every single email and text from BM. It bothered me so much because she always put something about me or my family in them. Before we had our DD, I told him that I didn't want to hear about anything else that BM sent anymore. It caused me stress and pissed me off. He's been pretty good about keeping me out of it for the most part. This summer, BM dropped a huge bomb on us through her lawyer so I heard about that. And when she called CPS on us......I was obviously involved in that too.
I don't read his texts, but I
I don't read his texts, but I do have access to his email and I do read it from time to time. I don't trust. I have valid reasons not too.
Thanks so much for your post!
Thanks so much for your post! I feel the same way. I don't think we should hide things from each other, so my DH can totally read my texts, too, if he wants, because I have nothing to hide. And if he would see the way I relate to my BSs & BD was not good for our relationship I would want to know. My DH has poor boundries and I don't trust his judgement. I would much rather know the truth about what his SDs say about me than be in the dark. So that's why I did read his texts. But thinking I won't anymore because if he doesn't want to communicate with me about them, I'm just going to stay out of their lives. I also wanted to know how he responds to them. He just listens and lets them say what they want, thinking they are entitled to their opinion. But instead of it getting better, it just gets worse because they know he would allow it. I objected and he finally said "I hope you'll stop blaming Rose"to SD. No reply and now he just has happy talk with them and thinks everything is fine, when it isn't
No I don't read his texts. I
No I don't read his texts. I don't wanna know about his ex wife's dumb ass kids. As long as they don't show up on my doorstep, I'm good.
OMG Saffron! At least your DH worthless brother doesn't live in your house! I hear that "poor brother can't find a job" shit all the time. Well, maybe he would find one faster if he actually GOT UP OFF THE COUCH. Siblings are just as bad as skids sometimes. Poor brother was supposed to stay with us for a few weeks. It's been 2 years! 2 years with no end in sight!
DH has always had his phone
DH has always had his phone locked, so I never could look at any texts or call logs even if I wanted to. Years ago I would have felt like you do. I used to feel hurt by being kept in the dark. I still don't particularly care for it when DH will get a text and laugh right in front of me and not say anything to me.
I've since stopped trying to "find anything" personal of DH's. If anything concerns me, I'll find out in the end. It feels so much better this way. I have enough to worry about without snooping.
Every once in a while I'll
Every once in a while I'll look at DH's texts, phone log or emails if it's left open. I trust him but I'm also curious. I know he looks at my stuff too. Neither of us has anything to hide so no harm done. BM texted DH on the night of our wedding that he'd better still pay her alimony! HA! I had to read that one, but one's from his kids I don't give a rats ass about. Ignorance is bliss in my book.