What my step children call me
I have been a part of my step sons lives since they were little, 1 and 3. My husband and the children's mother have joint custody and their visitation is split up weekly so we have the boys one half of the week, she has them the other. Essentially its three or four days on, three or four days off (I know it's crazy, but their mother wouldn't agree to week to week visitation.) Anyways, they are 3 and 5 now and both call me Mom and by my first name. It's random and inconsistent with how they address me but I feel extremely comfortable with them calling me both. The other day our five year old called me Mom to his biological mother and she basically repremanded him for it. I feel awful that she would make him feel guilty for calling me his Mom but at the same time I feel it's best to let him decide what to call me. I don't ever want to make him feel like he's doing something wrong by calling me Mom as well. Am I wrong in feeling or thinking this way? Should I be correcting him to call me by my first name? I don't know what most woman in my situation would do?
Should I be correcting him to
Should I be correcting him to call me by my first name?
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Yes you should.
This is a hot-button
This is a hot-button issue.
For myself, it's easy. The ONLY time it's acceptable for a stepmom to allow a child to address her as "Mom" is if the SM, Dad, Mom, AND kid are ALL OK with it. If any one of those people isn't comfortable with it, it doesn't happen.
Since BM isn't OK with you being called "Mom", then yes, you should correct him.
it's really up to the
it's really up to the kids.
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I have never understood this at all. So if the kids want to call her shithead, it is ok because it is up to them right? lol
I just think if the bio is not dead or completely out of the kids life then they need to respect their parents and call them by mom and dad only. This woman has only been around them for two year and she should be ranked as "mom"? Bad form imho
You're right. I might only
You're right. I might only have been a part of these children's lives for two years but for our three year old that's over half his life. I have watched these boys take their first steps, learn how to talk, read, potty trained them. I will never replace their mother nor do I ever want to. However, I don't feel I should make them feel bad when they call me Mom on accident. Why should I punish them for being comfortable with me?
^^^^ I agree. You aren't
^^^^ I agree. You aren't their Mom they shouldn't call you that. If my bio kids called their step "mom" I would have a problem with that. They don't call DH Dad...they use his first name. They have one Mom, one Dad...find a different thing for them to call you that's respectable..
BM asked my husband if he
BM asked my husband if he told the boys to call me Mom to which he replied no, she would never tell them that. But the next time we had them our five year old told us his Mom told him to never call me Mom ever again. Those were his exact words. He does address me by my first name 95 percent of the time.
I agree that being called a
I agree that being called a Mom goes far beyond birthing a child. My own BM left my father to take care of me at age 5 and married my step mom when I was 9. My step mom raised me. She did my hair, packed my lunch for school, showed me how to shave my legs, taught me about my period, taught me how to date, was the crying shoulder for me after break ups. I would never consider my BM to be my mom. Again, I don't ever want to force the boys to call me Mom and honestly if they never do again it wouldn't hurt my feelings.But I love them with all my heart and that will never change regardless of how they address me.
My SD calls me "Mom" once in
My SD calls me "Mom" once in awhile. I'm not sure if it's a mistake or if she's really trying to call me that. I always correct her and tell her she should call me by my name. She has a mother.
I think it needs to be
I think it needs to be dependent upon the situation. My SS's BM MADE him call his 1st Step-Dad "Daddy" - he got in trouble for not doing such, but he was never allowed in her book to call me Mom. He doesn't even call DH "Daddy" he just calls him "Dad" he calls his Mom "Mommy."
It used to bother me that he'd call a Step-Dad who didn't want him around "Daddy" when he and I were close and bonded and he would just call me by my name - but I got over that fast when Mommy ruined the bond we had and now he's a hoodlum spoiled brat instead so I'd rather be called by my first name. I did find it funny though that Mommy through a fit when her latest BFs kids wouldn't call her Mommy. She threw a fit. Made my day, week and year right there. She and that BF split up after 6 months go figure.
I think every family is
I think every family is different. From a personal POV I firmly believe unless the parent is absent/deceased then the child should only call their bio parents mom/dad OR every party is fine with the stepparent being called mom/dad.
The reason for this is because although I dont have any children, I would NOT be happy with my child calling anyone else but me mam. When I first started dating my dh he admitted the stepdad to ss was being called "daddy" and this was actively pushed by bm. While I thoight it was wonderful ss had a great relationship with sf, I saw it hurt dh and I told him my POV. In fact bm would go nuts if dh would gently correct ss when he referred to sf as "daddy", ringing him up, threatening to withhold him...the brain washing was so bad that at age 9 ss actually believed SF was his real dad and dh was just some man he called dad but actually wasnt. Not so shocking when we realised bm had been cancelling or withholding visitation in order to facilitate activities with his stepdad while telling ss dh didnt want him (who knows what lies she told her own dh, as I suspect she portrayed my dh as a deadbeat, inconsistent dad
My SS has a nickname for me.
My SS has a nickname for me. He is the only one that calls me by that name. I have been in his life since he was 1, he is now 11. we get strange looks and people don't get it, but I don't care, that's who I am to him. I am more than just "BSGOINON" but I am also not his "mom" and she would have a fit if he called me that. Which, I get.. sort of. She is a poor excuse for a mom, but she did "birth" him. So... eh.
To me, every family is different. It just kind of worked out that he had a nickname for me, he couldn't even talk when he came in my life more than mom and dad... and I was very much a motherly roll in his life when he was learning to talk. You have to decide what battles your family is willing to fight. It's pretty shitty of BM to reprimand for that.
I am a BM and a SM. If my ex found someone that my kids loved and respected enough to even CONSIDER calling her mom, it really wouldn't bother me. They call their best friends mom's mom....
I think children are an
I think children are an excellent judge of character. They can read people better than adults can. While some on here have judged me, no one knows the BM that these boys have and the person she is. She has put me through hell and back. I want more than nothing to have a normal relationship with her for the boys. But she refuses for that to ever happen. Alot of it is based on money and not on how much she cares for the boys, which breaks my heart. I don't feel birthing a child grants you the title of Mommy. We all have family that are not related by DNA but would do anything for. As someone posted eariler, women are very territorial and I get it. I don't ever want to replace anyone to them. But I think as time goes on, the boys will make those decisions for themselves.
I feel weird when my step kid
I feel weird when my step kid calls me mom! Im not ready for it and I think it just depends on what the person prefers
I've always felt it should be
I've always felt it should be up to the child, but not until they are old enough to truly make that choice on their own and understand how important the titles of mom and dad are.
From the age of three, I had mom, dad, stepmom, and stepdad. My stepmom was evil and tried to force me to call her mom and made me feel guilty if I didn't, my stepdad never did that. He encouraged me to call him by his first name until I was old enough to understand. My bio dad eventually became void by the time I was 7 and my stepdad raised me and earned the title dad. He did everything a father should do, I was very lucky, yet I still called him by his first name until I was 17 years old. It was then that I understood the true meaning of a father or "dad". He fit the bill, and I've been calling him dad ever since.
I give the same encouragement to my SS. I have been in his life since he was a year old, he doesn't know life without me. He calls me mom on accident and I correct him every time. I don't scold him, I just remind him that I'm "Venus". I don't make it negative in any way and now that he's six, he starting to understand why I do that. He has asked before if he can call me mom and I told him that it was best he just used my first name, until he was old enough, and reminded him that it might hurt his mom's feelings to hear him call me mom. I am more of a mother to SS than BM is, but coming from a similar situation, I understand what it's like to feel the pressure and the worry that you are hurting someones feelings, or that you have to choose between parents. I vowed to never put SS through that. I also like to think of it this way. When he's older (teenager/adult) and one day decides to call me mom, because he wants to and feels I have earned that title, it will only make it that much more special. And if he never does, that doesn't mean he doesn't love and appreciate me.
My skids either call me my
My skids either call me my first name or a nickname they have for me. Bm would never be comfortable with me being "mom" and I understand that. They have both told me I am like another mom to them. Dh wouldn't like them calling their stepdad "dad" either. If bm is involved and isn't comfortable with it, I would have the kids come up with a nice nickname to call you.
Should you be correcting him
Should you be correcting him for calling you mom? No, you are his mom, no less so than his BM is. You are his mom 50% of the time just as she is.
Kids are smart. They know who their REAL parents are. Real having nothing to do with biology. REAL parents take the actions of love and of parenting and do not bitch and whine about what a kid calls someone else.
My bride and I started dating when SS-22 was 15mos old. We married the week before he turned 2yo. I am the first person he ever called "Dad(dy)". When we started dating there was big framed picture of the Sperm Idiot on the wall of my then GF’s apartment. When asked “Where’s daddy?” the kid would point at the picture. A few months after we started dating he pointed at me and said “Daddy!!!!” So, dad(dy) I have been for more than 20 years. No one told him to call me Dad he just did it. Though he maintained visitation with the Sperm Idiot and the Sperm Clan for his entire childhood (until 18) and knew that DickHead was his bio dad he is very adamant as a young adult that he has only had one dad his whole life.
So, no, you don’t correct these kids for calling you mom IMHO. You are their mom. Explain that they have two moms and if BM has an issue with the kids considering and calling you ‘mom’ she can fuck off. That is the position I took with the Sperm Clan when they took issue with SS calling me dad periodically over the years. To this day my son calls me dad and DickHead he calls Homey or Gangster and occasionally “dad”. The kid is ridiculing the worthless POS but because he has always fancied himself a Crip or Blood and a gangster rapper he thinks it is cool. He is too stupid to realize his four all out of wedlock spawn by three different BMs despise him and think that he is ridiculous. Particularly his eldest who calls me “Dad”.
Dupe!!!!!
Dupe!!!!!