Disrespectful, lazy, manipulative 16 year old stepson - HELP!
I'm currently engaged to my bf of 7 years. He has 3 children aged 14, 16 and 18 who live with us 365 days a year (their bio mother is completely out of their lives & doesn't even attempt to contact them). The 14 & 18 year old girls are well behaved, go to school everyday, gets good grades and are respectful. The 16 year old son is another story.
He dropped out of school this year and my bf put him in some type of online classes but the kid doesn't do the work. My bf does it for him and denies it when I confront him about it. My stepson lays around ALL DAY EVERY DAY literally playing video games (the my bf keeps buying him although he doesn't deserve them) & screaming & cursing like a hooligan. He also watches our every move and tries to tell his father where he can & can't go and will call & harass him once we leave. My bf does nothing to discipline him. I've watched this kid curse out & hit his sisters AND his elderly grandmother and he does NOTHING but tells him to stop. This kid usually just annoys me but doesn't try any of those things with me because he knows that I will not go for being treated like crap. When I first moved when he was 12-13ish he would try throwing things at me, calling me bitches and throwing tantrums when I didn't agree to whatever it was he wanted me to do. I spoke up & made it known that I wasn't taking his crap and it stopped towards me for a while...until this past weekend.
He wanted 2 $60 video games and a $100 headset for his XBox and when my bf said "No you aren't getting them until Christmas", this kid went nuts. He started crying, screaming and I overheard him say, "You used to get me what I want before certain people came around. Back when it was just us. But you jump for that Bitch when she wants something". The Bitch he was referring to was ME!
They didn't think I heard them and I tried to ignore the disrespectful, ignorant little prick but I decided to speak up for myself. I'm not going to be punked and manipulated by a teenaged boy. I let my bf know that I didn't appreciate his son putting my name in his mouth with such a dehumanizing disrespectful and ghetto word and I told him that I was leaving. My bf got furious and stomped out of the room yelling to this child that he "ruins everything he has good going" and telling him that I wanted to leave (which I don't think was any of this child's business). My bf then goes on crying and saying how he's a bad parent, he's embarrassed and begging me not to leave. I told him that I refuse to be disrespected and if it happened again, I was definitely leaving and there's nothing that will stop me. He then made excuses for his son saying "he didn't mean it he was just mad and is trying to get his way". He's 16...how many excuses are you going to make for his sorry ass behavior? He's going to be 18 soon and have to get out into the real world you know...
After that night, I still have yet to receive an apology from him and he won't even look my way or speak to me. But he does ignorant things like barging into our room without knocking first (or when he does knock, they are loud & disturbing), interrupting our conversations, demanding that his father tells him our every move and he stands at the top of the steps cursing at us when we leave. He acts like his father is his man and it's really getting under my skin. This and the fact that this prick called me Bitch and doesn't have the decency to even apologize.
This kid has always been a tool but I was patient with him, never tried to discipline him or play like his "mommy", and never disrespected him. I'm honestly sick of living in this household with this manipulative, obnoxious, ignorant, lazy, and rude boy. I'm at wits end and don't know what to do. What he said to me has REALLY gotten under my skin.
I love my bf and we have a great relationship but I feel his son is ruining it. We talked about having a child together also but I REFUSE to bring a child into this dysfunctional household.
His son is not ruining the
His son is not ruining the relationship, your BF is. How can you even be with someone who lets his kid get away with this crap? Hitting his sisters and elderly grandmother? Calling you a bitch?
Your BF is just as disrespectful to you as his son is. And manipulative, too.
Forget about bringing a child into the dysfunction, why would you want this guy to be the father of your child, period?
You should have left when you said you were going to.
Love is the only thing
Love is the only thing keeping me here. But that isn't going to be enough to continue to if these things don't change. I'm not going to spend my life like this, life's too short.
His father needs to wake up
His father needs to wake up and realize what a little punk his son is, especially to you. I see this all the time, parents not wanting to admit their kid might be a huge dickhead or not wanting to take the time to correct the poor behavior. Your situation is similar to mine in that the BM is not really present and I do most of the co-parenting. Sometimes when my skids are being punks (which isn't all the time as they are generally good kids), I wish I could send them to BM and she can deal with them. Sigh, nope...not an option.
I think you are being wise in telling the kid you aren't taking shit and not giving in to his ridiculous childish behavior. His dad needs to follow your example and you need to be united in dealing with your SS. I find my DH not dealing with his kid's behavior sometimes because he feels as if it somehow reflects on him and makes him a bad dad because they aren't acting like perfect angels. No, the kid being a little shit only reflects poorly on you if you don't do anything about it, which is a big part of why this kid has continued to act like this because no one is telling him otherwise. Sure you are but clearly doesn't respect you whereas I bet if his dad cracked down on his rudeness, etc., he would be singing a different tune.
I also think your SS has some issues he needs to work through probably from before you came around (maybe his parent's not being together, etc). If your BF is invested in your relationship and your life together and the happiness of his children, especially his other 2, he will try to work on this. No one is expecting him to solve this issue immediately but you have to start from somewhere!
If this is for real, then
If this is for real, then first of all, the next time you see this kid laying a hand on any one of his family members, you need to call the cops. He's way too old to be hitting other family members.
I would absolutely warn him that next time he barges into my bedroom, the room that his father an you are intimate in, that you will not hesitate to call the cops on him. And he's 16 now, so they may or may not place him with juveniles, at least not where I'm from.
That's what I would do. I'd also probably call child protective services and try to get him kicked out of the house, at least to protect his sisters.
Then I would probably leave for good knowing I've done everything I could for the sisters.
His dad will never get him professional help and heaven forbid he ever get his son on some proper meds to calm his down. What a psycho delinquent kid.
By the way, your BF is
By the way, your BF is probably scared of his own son, which I can kind of understand. But don't expect him to ever put his foot down with his son, ever. He should be protecting you, but he's just throwing you under the bus, making you out to be the bad guy.
Wow, poor you, I wish my
Wow, poor you, I wish my hubbie could see this and be appreciative of his SS who is nothing like this yet he still has a problem with him. Good luck to you, this case is extreme enough that if the bio dad can't see your point of view its probly not worth hanging around. Good Luck!
Forgot to mention that this
Forgot to mention that this sick kid tried to put his hands into his older sisters pants the other day. Smh I think I should just pack my bags and run now.
What was your DH's response
What was your DH's response to this? Why is SS still in the house with the girls? Did anyone call CPS or the police? If not - why not?
If you do decide to run, please try and do something to help the girls before you leave. Call CPS or the cops. Make arrangements for the girls to stay with their grandmother. Something to make them safe...
I was in the restroom when it
I was in the restroom when it happened but I heard the girl screaming and his father ran out of the room and began screaming at him. No spanking or anything. I know spanking aren't right but if my bio son tried to touch any female in this matter, especially his sister, I would've beat him down and sent him to a mental institution. Because if you're that sick you don't belong in the home with other children. No one called the cops or anything and the entire family knows. It's like everyone is afraid of this little creep. I no longer put my nose into anything they do unless asked because when I first moved in, I would battle it ALL THE WAY out with his dad when this kid did ANYTHING innapropriate or disrespectful and it led to arguments every single day because this kid was ALWAYS into something. I figure that it's not my kid, not my business. Especially since the grandmother, uncles and aunts all know the things that are going on and don't do anything to get him help. If the family sees this as being normal or acceptable then...idk what else to do. I thought about making an anonymous call to CPS but did not know how to go about it. I have never in my life dealt with such dysfunction to this degree.
I don't understand how you
I don't understand how you can stay with a man who will not protect his daughters from someone who wants to harm them - even if it is his own son. Do you have any fear for your safety? The kid sounds out of control and has already learned that his Dad won't stop him.
I wish I had constructive advice - but I think you should leave. And for the sake of everyone involved - please don't have a child with him!
Your BF is a useless waste of
:jawdrop: Your BF is a useless waste of skin and a sorry excuse for a man. What true man allows a 16yo to treat his life partner like your SO allow his son to treat you?
Then let’s talk about your ball-less wonder of a boyfriend tolerating his 16yo son beating his younger sisters and his own mother or grandmother...... :jawdrop: :sick:
Your BF needs to knock out the 16yo's teeth the next time he so much as speaks in any way other than with complete respect and next time the 16yo hits Grandma, Grandma needs to pull out a 45 and blow the little piece of shit away then seriously consider turning the gun on the useless POS that she spawned. Any son that would tolerate anyone beating his own mother needs to be beaten to within an inch of his useless character void life and in that suggesting I am being merciful. If my kid hit my mother I would kill the little shit. End of problem.
Sorry but really? :? :jawdrop: As a man your boyfriend makes me want to puke.
As for love ... how could you possibly love a "man" :sick: who tolerates this kind of behavior from his young "adult" son? There is no way on this or any other planet that I could or would tolerate the presence of the useless non-man that is your BF were I you.
Holy crap!!! Your situation pisses me off so badly I am turning purple.
Kick this POS and his toxic son out of your life and move on…. NOW!!!!!
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
Unfortunately, I've tried to
Unfortunately, I've tried to tell this kid about places like that that will hire him but he is too lazy to take initiative. There's only so much 1 can do. He's 16 and so unmotivated. And his dad has been doing his homework probably his entire life and that kid isn't even reading on his grade level. He's reading on a third grade level and he has NO interest whatsoever in school. Sad to say but I think his life is pretty much over before it got started. There are too many bad habits and things that should've been corrected a long time ago. He is set in his ways now and doesn't listen to anyone. This kid thinks that a good paying career is just going to fall into his lap without him having to work his way up. There are plenty of little retail & fast food places that are hiring around this time. Instead of him going out job searching, he sits on his ass in the house playing with that freaking XBox. He has no real life friends either...the friends he does have are all people he does not know from the video game world. This boy is not normal.
I would say that this kid is
I would say that this kid is perfectly normal for a kid whose father spoon feeds him his homework and tolerates the kind of behavioral crap that your BF tolerates.
Like your SS-16, my Skid (SS-22) is much more comfortable in the digital world than IRL but even he did his own homework, busted his butt to graduate HS with honors (with some major foot to ass motivation from his mom and I. Figurative of course.) and is doing well in his so far 3.5 year USAF career.
He attempted the sofa rodeo/couch surfing career after HS but turning him into our beck and call boy/chore bitch created the burning platform that motivated him to launch. If your Skid is not going to HS (he is 16, that is his choice) or is not making any effort then I would suggest that BF pursue forced emancipation and drop him off at the homeless camp under the local overpass. That is what pulled my Skid’s head out of his ass and forced the cure of his chronic case of Cranial-Rectumitis. He was scared shitless and in tears as we walked him through a tour of the winter homeless camps under the elevated highways in Philly when he flunked out of boarding school. The message was he had until May (the tour took place in December) to graduate and we either went to his HS graduation ceremony or dropped him off at the homeless camp to get to know his new friends and neighbors.
Daddy needs to grow some balls with this kid.
Run, don't walk. SS wins,
Run, don't walk. SS wins, but so do you!