Scaling back Christmas gifts...except for SD7
So MIL calls DH the other day and says that they want to scale back for Christmas this year among everyone and put in money for a big ticket item for the Grandparents. Essentially we would be putting any money that we would have spent on each other toward the one item instead of getting gifts. I think it's a good idea to give something nice to his grandparents and agreed.
DH says "We can put in money for grandparents, and MIL will still get SD7 all the normal presents she usually gets"
The first Christmas I spent with DH's family was so different than the Christmas' I grew up in. There were presents from floor to ceiling in the house. My family had a limit growing up for each child so total we got only one present from each family so it ended up being about 6 presents total. We cherished all the gifts we got and took care of them well. (My family is actually much bigger than his as well)
Last year SD's gifts from DH's family were laid out and covered the living room floor, wall to wall. Personally I feel it's excessive, but DH is used to this type of Christmas.
I mentioned to DH that I think he can let MIL know that they don't have to get all that stuff for SD like they usually do as well and I think it would be a good lesson in "Giving rather than receiving" for her Great Grandparents and have less presents as well. I'm not saying no presents for SD because she's a little kid and should get some presents, but her playroom is filled already so scaling back on toys would be ok I think.
Also what kind of message is it sending SD when she has 100 presents to open and she is just sitting around the tree alone, everyone watching her the only one opening gifts? Last year DH's family practically had to start begging SD to open more gifts because after a while she just got tired of doing it because there were so many.
DH's response: "I'll just leave it up to MIL what she wants to do"
I don't know if your MIL is
I don't know if your MIL is retired, but this used to happend at the ILs house as well.
Wall to wall gifts for SS and SD from the time they were born. Last year FIL retired (MIL doesn't work) and had to scale the gift giving way down. The kids only got two or three gifts last year. Well SS (7 at the time) got upset and said, That's it? BF got really pissed because it is rude. But I think that's what they get. A seven year old doesn't know what retired means.
SD8 was 7 last year and she
SD8 was 7 last year and she said the same thing to us, when she opened all her presents last year because there were now 5 to buy for and we dont have money to do it. MIL retired last year so there were much less from her. FIL was forced into retirement this year so god knows what Xmas will look like for the entitled SDs. UGH@!
My SD said that my parents a
My SD said that my parents a couple of years ago, except they had gotten her a mountain of presents. She frantically opened each one and tossed it aside without hardly looking at it so that she could get on to the next one. When she was all done, she said, "That's it?" I think she got about 10-15 different things from my parents.
Since then, I've told my mom to cool it with all the gifts for SD. I told her to get her clothes instead of toys too.
My sister and I grew up with
My sister and I grew up with the tradition of opening tons 8 gifts on Christmas. Our children (son23, nephews 17&7, nieces 15&9) have had the same experience.
None of us were/are greedy or entitled. The kids having a ton of gifts is just a tradition in our family. Just like having a ton of food and desserts for both Thanksgiving and Christmas.
*lol* Do we have the same
My family also went "overboard" for Christmas. Seriously, opening presents from "Santa" was an all morning affair - and THEN we went to my grandparent's house for MORE presents!
But we weren't greedy or entitled either. I think the key was that Christmas was the ONLY time it was like that. Any other time of the year, if we wanted a new toy then we had to save our allowance (earned by doing chores!) to get it. Even birthdays, we got 2-3 gifts, but nothing over the top. It was part of the magic of Christmas.
I understand the magic of
I understand the magic of Christmas part and that's fine. Even though I may not agree with how DH's family over indulges on Christmas gifts, we were raised in a different way and I accept it. Neither way of celebrating is right or wrong, just different.
The problem I have this year is that everyone in the family is scaling back to buy a gift for the grandparents, and I think this should also include SD7. Why should she not be included in the scaling back? I just think it sends the wrong message. Based on comparison to past years, I would fully expect SD to say "Why aren't there as many presents" then we can explain that we spent more money on grandparents gift this year.
Then next year it will go back to the "overboard" Christmas lol.
No, I understand. And for
No, I understand. And for what it's worth, I agree - neither way is "right" when you're just talking the one day. (I do NOT think giving kids crap on a constant basis is a good idea though!)
I will say though that we've "scaled back" in my family, but that ONLY applies to the adults! My parents still get each of us kids a present (and our SO's as well), and my siblings and our SO's do a "Secret Santa" so we're only buying (and getting) one thing from each other. For that matter, my SDs are a lot older (one married, and another with a kid of her own!) and we're only getting them one gift each. But it doesn't apply to the littles.
Our bios (all under the age of 6) and my DH's grandson (18 months) will still all get a bunch of gifts, even though the adults have scaled back. So I can see your DH's point too.
He'll see what it's doing to
He'll see what it's doing to her eventually. Until then, bless your heart.
this is what dh states all
this is what dh states all the time. scaling back on gifts but only for me. sds still get all that they want.
this is bs.
The years I needed to scale
The years I needed to scale back to finances, NEVER included scaling back what I purchased for my son. I would bow out of gift giving with coworkers, friends, church memebers, skip holdiday parties if we were expected to bring gift, ..... When we lived in NC, instead of flying home to NYC during Christmas break, we would hop on Amtrak. I was willing to cut corners anywhere I needed to as long as I was able to give my son the same Christmas experiences I had as a kid.
Yep, same here. I will not
Yep, same here. I will not skimp on my DD's gifts, because I'm her mom and that's just the way it is.
lol turning the tables, my
lol turning the tables, my partner keeps telling me I need to scale back on gifts for SD4.
My partner grew up receiving one present for his birthday, one present at christmas.
I grew up having a handful of gifts at birthdays (doubled if you count BM and fathers houses) and half a sofas worth at christmas.
Last year SD wasnt with us for Christmas but she still had a pile of presents to open from us for when we did have her. Not like a massive pile, about 10-15 presents. To me that was a "normal" amount for a then 3 year old, but to my partner is was excessive.
Her 4th birthday has just gone, and since there was no conversation of decision made on what exactly we were getting SD I continued to buy bits and pieces for her when I went shopping, my partner had also bought something and I'd ordered something online. So she ended up with again 10-15 presents, my partner just shook his head.
This christmas, SD will be with us, and my BM and my brother are also visiting. SD loves them both so it will be really nice. I know my BM has already bought SD atleast 5 things, and I will imagine there will be more that I dont know about. My BM loves buying for SD because SD is a nice, well behaved child.
My partner and I were going to agree to a budget for christmas instead of a present limit but then he was looking at getting her something that was very expensive, which to me, a 4 year old doesnt need/want anything THAT expensive anyway so save those type of presents for when they are older and wanting their own tv/xbox/phone.
My point is, its funny how different people and families can be over festive seasons.
It is funny how people can be
It is funny how people can be different. I grew up similar to your DH with very minimal gifts. I never felt like I was missing out or bored and took very good care of my things. We found some old toys in my mother's garage awhile ago and my DH looked at me "Wow this stuff looks brand new, how do you still have all the pieces?" Lol
I just see all the crap my SD gets and it drives me insane. She plays with it for a week after x-mas/birthday's and it gets tossed to the side. Or I hear, "I'm bored" or "This is broken we need to buy a new one." We don't ever replace broken toys, but there are 1million more to choose from so why take care of them in the first place?