So apparently my parents are supposed to buy SD equal amount of gifts too...
I also blog on a parenting app. One user posted about how she was upset that her bio son did not get the equal amount of gifts/money that their daughter got from her new husband parents. She was furious at her mil for not treating her son equally, even though her son was at her ex husbands for Christmas; he did not see dd get all the bigger toys. She asked for other people's opinions and their situation. Tons of BMs responded that they expect their new husbands family to give their kid from a previous relationship equal gifts, it's Christmas and the right thing to do.
Then I responded and all hell broke lose.
My parents bought sd one gift. A ken doll. They got my dd about 100$ worth of clothes and small toys. I said DH and I were fine with that because sd gets too many presents, she's spoiled rotten already, and is entitled. She can learn that you don't always get tons of gifts, and not to expect them. We spent about 500$ on toys for sd, DH's rekatives got her tons of gifts, and I know dr evil and her clan went overboard. Sd does not view my parents as her grandparents.
I was buried alive. Apparently I am evil because
1. I am using Christmas as a 'lesson'
2. I called my sd a spoiled brat
3. I am not treating sd the same as dd
4. I want sd to volunteer at a soup kitchen next year before she opens presents. I am "planning a punishment a year in advance".
Users called me hateful, pathetic and disgusting. They said from previous posts (similar to ones I have here) it is obvious I hate my sd.
So tell me, on a scale of 1 to cinderellas mom, his evil am I? Should my parents give 100$ worth of gifts to sd, whom they have met once , and who and gets two Christmas's, two birthdays, etc?
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Agreed 1000x
Agreed 1000x
Nope. Grandparents get to do
Nope. Grandparents get to do whatever they want in my view. We never tell our parents how to treat the step kids.
And I am a bio mom as well as a SM. I do not expect equal treatment on either side.
My stepkids got, according to
My stepkids got, according to bm, over 60 gifts between her, stepdad, and his extended family. They also have 2 other sets of bio grandparents that buy them gifts, along with a ton of stuff at our house. My bio son is 2, so we bought him about 8 gifts. He doesn't get Christmas and would rather play with the wrapping paper. My parents bought him a gift and didn't buy my skids one. They didn't see them on Christmas. When skids are with us for Christmas, my parents buy them something but don't spend equal amounts. My husband and I don't blame them. Skids don't see them as grandparents, but stepdads' parents are called grandparents. They never want to visit my parents and my parents aren't kid people to begin with.
Luckily, my husband agrees that my family is not under an obligation to my skids. They would never leave them out of gift giving if they are with us, but don't gonout of their way if they are with bm. I would say they each got over 2,000 dollars worth of gifts each. Poor, poor children of divorce!
Wow... so what you do in
Wow... so what you do in life affects what you EXPECT you parents to do. i.e. She makes a parental decision and therefore should demand that her parents purchase with their money equally???
I am a grown adult who does not expect anything from my parents. "I" would be lucky if I received a gift. Usually the only gifts we receive for grands are from my stepmother and she sends only to my kids from my second marriage. Because she has more of a bond with them. Is it fair to my kids from my first marriage who never see her? Probably, but they NEVER see her and don't even know.
My step-kids get gifts from my dh's mom, but his bio-kids with me get nada. Is it fair, nope, but she has never even met my kids.
Life isn't fair, and we don't get to tell others in our life what to do.
HRNYC, who made you god in telling people what they should and shouldn't do?
I think people need to take
I think people need to take into account that the stepkids get gifts from the other side of their family that the bios do not. In the end, it turns out equal.
Sorry you got attacked on
Sorry you got attacked on that other site. I don't think you're wrong at all.
I don't think my family has any obligation to buy gifts for SD. They always have done just as much for her as they have for my DD but they definitely didn't have to. My mom spent well over $300 on each of her grandkids this year, including SD. She also does so many extra things for SD to make sure she feels included all the time. My sister also goes above and beyond what most step-aunts do.
My husband thinks what my family does is just meeting the standard. He expects it of them and said it would be really crappy for SD if they didn't do all these things for her. He's such an idiot. His parents are the cheapest people ever and don't do nearly as much for SD as mine do.
ETA: In my own experience, it's not even necessarily equal among all bio grandkids. I'm one of 16 grandkids on my mom's side of the family. My grandparents had a few favorite grandkids and I wasn't one of them. I learned early on that things aren't always fair and I'm probably a better person because of it.
Ok my question is do you have
Ok my question is do you have SD full time? Were the girls in the same room opening their presents together? I can see where looking from the outside in that one little girl may feel badly that she got one gift and another little girl got 10. BUT such is fucking life! I guess I'm a damn 10 on the wickedest of all SM's because NEITHER of my parents have EVER bought a gift, a card, NOTHING for skids.. because like yours they have only ever met them once in the 7 years that I have been with DH.
This is where the fucking entitlement that we all bitch about around here starts, with crap like this. And I don't see you "pushing" community service, I read it as suggestion from you. Not sure what is so terrible about an adult suggesting that a child do something for OTHERS. Geesh
My parents only buy presents
My parents only buy presents for those who they actually SEE. So, if my skids were there, they would get presents. If the skids didn't come, they didn't send presents with for us to give them.
My Dad doesn't buy for the
My Dad doesn't buy for the skids. He met them ONCE at a bbq 1.5 years ago. He does buy for his step-grandkids (my nephew's stepDs). However, my nephew and his wife are committed to treating all of their kids (her 3 daughters and his son) the same. They have successfully created their own little Brady Bunch.
My mom, grandma, aunts etc
My mom, grandma, aunts etc don't buy for SS. They never have but he is not there when they bring gifts or when we visit them to get gifts. SS gets gifts from his maternal grandparents however, and they don't buy my kids anything, I never have cared. DH's mom usually buys for all of the kids, though throughout the year, she usually buys mostly for SS. I never have cared. SS has always been her GS and my BSs have only been for a few years. However, the evil side of me thinks that she should not show favoritism because truth be told, we all know that SS is not DH's biologically anymore than my BSs are. I would never say it, and I know it's wrong, but the mean side of Ineedadoover can't help but think it. Ugh, I need to get all of this blackness out of my heart before the new year lol.