he's 12 years older than you and his children are very young. assuming he's, say, 40, that makes you 28.

that's an awfully young age to be saddled with huge financial burdens.

many divorce "agreement" are unfair in terms of division of assets. but regardless, teh court ordered it, and for him to have dodged paying her this $19K for two years is crap. to be honest, im surprised she waited that long to file on him. when my fiance divorced he paid the money he owed to his ex within a week.

If the money is court ordered, he needs to pay it. Why would you want to be with a man who does not support his children? It doesn't matter if you think it "fair" or not. The courts found it fair, and ruled he must pay it.

If the issue of $19,000 is enough to make you not want to marry this dude, you are pretty shallow.

it sounds like she filed a "Motion to Compel" which is what one does when something is not done per the court order.

so yes, the MOtion she filed is "new" but the money owed is "old".

So what it sounds like is BM won a request for back child support from the time of spilt to the time of divorce settlement. I suppose a natural question would be why your SO wasn't paying child support during this time frame (if he did pay during that time than the courts have decided it was not the proper amount and this is a correction to what should have been being paid). I get he's been paying child support since the divorce settlement in a timely and regular manner. What I don't understand is why he/you feel it is 'unjust' to expect him to pay his obligation to supporting his children in between spilt and settlement. I mean, hey, the kids were still his children. Their needs didn't get put up on a shelf on hold waiting during the separation and final divorce settlement.

The guy owes the 19,000. It's not unjust nor is the BM being unreasonable about pursuing the arrears. You either marry the man or not, entirely up to you. But don't blame the children or BM for going after what the court has awarded them. These children will be the partial responsibility of this man until they hit age. They don't poof and the support responsibility go away just because you came along, want to have a wedding and perhaps produce additional children with this man. It's just not the way it works.

" I am not emotionally strong enough if he will have to pay less for our child than skids "

Perhaps a man without previous children would more suit what you're looking for. New obligations do not erase previous obligations.

There will be tons of issues related to how you and your children are treated, in addition to financially, compared to how the skids and ex wife are treated.

The children who adore you now as a fun babysitter will instantly hate you when you become dad's wife. Even though it was ex wife who cheated, the narrative will quickly turn into "he ran off with our babysitter." BM will tell everybody that and skids will believe it.

To be married to a man with previous children you have to be "emotionally strong enough" to stand by his side while he is being vilified by ex-wife, ex-laws, ex and/or current friends, and even his own children. You will get vilified yourself. You will have to be emotionally strong enough to hold your tongue till it bleeds in many, many situations. You will have to be strong enough to find a way to keep your love for him alive while you see him make crazy mistakes like let his kids walk all over him or break his back bending it backward to appease BM. You will have to be emotionally mature enough to listen to him explain why he thinks these are good ideas and sometimes even see his point.

I have no idea if you can take all that or if you think he is worth it. But this is what steplife is like under the BEST of circumstances.

Ok a couple of things, like others have said he owes 19,000 you cant get out of that. Its court ordered, its been stamped, sealed, delivered, hes just not paid it until now.
He needs to pay that money and you need to have an honest think about whether YOU want to be paying towards and paying off HIS debt that is owed to HIS ex wife. When you are in a relationship with someone that you intend to marry you work as a partnership, that being said anything owed before your relationship began is not your responsibility. Now, if he can afford to continue paying the same amount on household bills that he is now AND start paying back for this 19k then great. If he cant then you shouldnt be planning a wedding.
As Rags has pointed out when it comes to big settlements you are able to pay in installments, no one is expecting anyone to have 19k sat in their bank account, but ofcourse if they do then they need to pay it in one lump sum.
I had a similar situation with my ex, we had a house together, I'd put in 12k when our relationship ended I left the property for him and all I wanted was my 12k. I gave him some time to figure out how he would pay it back but he couldnt provide me with the information I needed (how much and over what time scale) so I went to a solicitor, sent him solicitors letters and advised him if I hadnt had the full sum by a certain date I would take him to court. In my situation he was then able to take out a loan and paid me back in full. Now had I learnt of any big expenses, like a wedding, in those early weeks I gave him then you can damn right bet Id be seeking my money alot sooner.

It is not unreasonable for you to expect your future husband to get his finances sorted out before you marry but I would also advise you seeing your own legal advice and getting yourself protected by a prenup. If this 19k is owed and you marry and combine finances then YOU become liable for his debt.
Im not sure on the rules in switzerland, but if you keep your finances seperate and have a prenup in place then your income shouldnt be counted towards child support, if it is then that is something that you need to weigh up, is marrying this man and having these consequences worth it?
And again, the courts wont care whether he has a child with you, two children or more with you, at the end of the day the court will expect him to financially provide for all children he has fathered, if he cannot afford to keep up with his child support for his existing children the courts will see it as he shouldnt be having more children. In the eyes of the courts it really is that simple