We went to the counselor again a few days ago. The previous week in counseling, he promised that MY Thanksgiving and Christmas would not include HIS kids. He invited them ANYWAY! So, there was a lot to say.

I started by saying that I didn't believe he was being a jerk or purposefully trying to hurt and ignore me. I did say that I didn't think he gets it. So I told him that "I am taking a stand to honor me and my feelings over the feelings of people who treat me and my husband poorly and with disrespect and contempt. I am not willing to sacrifice my comfort in my own home for them at this point. By inviting them over for Tday and/or Christmas, I feel that you betrayed me and that hurts."

So the counselor asked him to repeat what I said. "I can't celebrate the holidays with my kids because you're too uncomfortable."

Counselor: "Whoa DH, that's NOT what she said. This isn't about you and your kids right now. This is about widow. We'll get to your issue in a minute." I LOVE THIS PhD!

So after a few repeats he got it. I was heard. He said he was afraid of losing his kids, he doesn't want to take a stand because if he does, they will walk out on him. He cried a lot and is scared of losing these monsters - I mean his precious darlings.

PhD said "Wow, your kids really have you on tenterhooks don't they, DH? Why is that? You need to take a stand and be a man and a father who commands respect. Don't allow them to treat you like this. This is unacceptable behavior "
(On Tenterhooks means being in a state of uncomfortable suspense or painful anxiety)

I said wow, that's it. He finally heard from someone else and and seems to believe it. He heard that HIS kids control him and he allows it.

He hasn't spoken for 2 days. Well, he did say,"I'm sorry for putting you in this position. I'm sorry for not hearing you and seeing your upset and forcing the "Brady Bunch" on you. I'm not upset with you, I'm just upset and I need some time to think."

My heart broke for him as I think he's just realizing that his kids suck. That he's allowed himself to be beaten down and his kids are just awful people. That's hard. Stay tuned for more...I hope it will all be good stuff.