BM lies over dumb crap .. so why does it bother me? Nothing we can really do anyway
Frustrated and I don't know why. I don't know why it STILL gets to me.
BM requested a weekend switch for this weekend so she could take the girls to Michigan for a "special family event". DH obliged. DH requested one additional overnight in December to accommodate a similar event for our family. BM refused stating it was too much on the girls and they need adequate rest so they can do well in school (complete BS, btw). This issue is not yet resolved. The agreement is vague; it's not clear that BM even has the right to deny it.
BM keeps the kids home from school today to drive to MI. I think she actually drove up yesterday, but she sent an email today at 10:49am saying "due to a family emergency our plans got pushed up a day". Hence her reason to keep the girls out of school without admitting it was ever a plan.
We know it's BS. She posted on Facebook from the Michigan DMV bitching about getting her license renewed at 11:30am.
So, this lead me back to my earlier point of she must have left yesterday. But when DH tried to call the skids last night, she refused to answer the phone at all, finally saying they were in bed (at 8pm). She never notified DH she was leaving the state with them early. It's an 8 hour drive; plenty of time to send a quick note, even if it is a "family emergency". Her husband is with her; she wasn't driving.
The thing is .. if she were just honest about it, DH wouldn't even care about one missed day of school for a family trip. Their school attendance isn't bad. But she lies. Why does she lie? So she doesn't have to turn around and give DH the same courtesy (even though he never requested or implied they'd miss any school). That's what frustrates the crap out of me, but why do I even expect anything different from her? :?
I don't know that he's done
I don't know that he's done fighting it. The problem with their order is that it states that parents will be flexible, and special events will be incorporated into the kids' schedules.
So saying no creates a fight because he's violating the order. Saying yes, and then being told no a month later is completely within her rights. It's a no-win. Because their agreement is vague in critical areas and she is a master at capitalizing on that.
They can't be flexible and reasonable with each other because she's high conflict.
They go to court on Dec 22 for a modification and contempt hearing. I expect a whole lot of nothing to change.
It goes both ways, if she
It goes both ways, if she says no, she is breaking it as well... so just say No...
But going forward, to your
But going forward, to your point, he will not be doing any favors.
Agree! after BM tried to pull
Agree! after BM tried to pull this "we already have this and this and this date booked" and tried to negotiated our dates, we told her nope, we follow CO to the T....and she hates that!
UGHHHHH i hear you! evil BM
UGHHHHH i hear you! evil BM lies to us all the time so we never have the right date for any even, school play... one day she tried to make my DH drive all across the city to "pick up" SD9 for her recital, when they were already at the recital place (just to bug him!) she is a psycho
You're all right. They have a
You're all right. They have a parent coordinator who almost always takes DH's side. She sees that he is reasonable. She has even stated that she believes BM only does what she does to express anger; and not to protect the best interest of the kids.
They go to court Dec 22. While I want to be hopeful that the judge will see her for what she is, I'm just not hopeful. Especially because his lawyer is crap.
All SM's know the dreaded 5th
All SM's know the dreaded 5th weekend of the month. Well on the first one after the CO was signed by a judge Inbred tried to say that SS7 birthday party was that weekend and she needed him to stay home because there were all these plans and people coming. DH said nope..CO...hand him over and next time don't make plans for them on my time. It was something that had to be done to teach Inbred a lesson, "You don't have control over my life anymore" it was hard lesson for her to learn, it's still a work in progress.
Flexible does not equal
Flexible does not equal doormat. Next time he gets his make up time first or his answer is no.
Well BM is still not home
Well BM is still not home from Michigan with the skids. They missed another day of school today. She sent an email this afternoon saying due to "unforeseen circumstances" they left later than planned. I'm guessing, based on her FB posts, that the unforeseen event was her cousin's baby shower at 4pm yesterday ...
DH's attorney is drawing up paperwork for a motion to show cause for contempt. She violated the order when she didn't tell him they left a day early; violated again when she didn't tell him they weren't coming home as scheduled (he had no reason to believe they WEREN'T home last night). I don't think anything will come of it; I'm sure a judge will throw it out .. but if she wants to drag DH into court over DUMB things, he will take her over clear violations.
DH lost his tolerance for
DH lost his tolerance for these infractions when she threatened to file a contempt charge on him for enrolling the skids in a dance class .. on his time, at his cost.
He has honestly tried to be reasonable and flexible with her and she just takes advantage. I'm hoping filing in court will open her eyes to the changing tides.
Oh God! I think we have the
Oh God! I think we have the same BM lol
It used to bother me that she
It used to bother me that she actually thought my husband (or anyone) believed her. My husband never said anything back to her, so in my mind, he was silently concurring or agreeing to whatever she said. I wanted him to call her out EACH AND EVERY TIME she lied, but he never did. Fast forward 10 years, and I now know he was right to ignore her and her lies. Why let someone affect you like that? She isn't worth it.
The best thing you might do
The best thing you might do for your peace of mind is to totally disengage from BM. I did this two years into my marriage. I was stressed out over her psychotic shit:
-referred to my own kids as a "devil-worshipper" and a "retard"... This was my young daughter who listened to punk rock and my disabled son.
-monitored our online activities and demanded we remove pictures of SD at family events
-etc etc infinity
I told my husband I no longer wished to hear a word about or from her. I don't want to hear what she says about me, my kids, my house, or any problem he was having with her. 100% of BM management became my husband's. Worked out really nice, many peaceful years for me.