Ugggghhh that almost makes me cry. I wish people had to come read here before being allowed to marry a single parent. I feel for you. I married a single dad many years ago, but his ex was very easy to work with and we did not have SD full time. I can only imagine...

Sad... No one deserves to feel like this. So sorry!!!

Standing you lots of hugs. You need to surround yourself with your support system and share what you're experiencing otherwise it will eat you up. Please take care of YOU!

I wish I'd seen it here first, but two years in, I am in the same position as you (minus the new baby) and I cry almost daily for the life I thought I would have, instead of becoming SS to two horrible children and cook, maid, chauffer etc to them, and SO's thoughtlessness about what shoulda, coulda, woulda...I'm close to leaving, with no kids of my own with him, and no wedding ring in sight, there's really nothing holding me there other than a small glimmer of hope that he'll listen to me and things will change. We have a holiday booked from 8th - 12th January, thats my D-Day week. If nothings different by then, I won't holiday but instead tell him and kids to go so I can pack my stuff and move out in peace.

I feel for you

And you tolerate this depressing, dramatic, and crappy life why? My condolences on your self induced misery.

How about this? You are his bride, he is your equity life partner and you are his. He may have kids by a woman that was mistakenly selected when he was younger and far less worldly and experienced but the man he is today chose you and you chose him. His XW has nothing but his past. You are his present and future. She has nothing, you have everything.

He may have children with is mistakenly selected X. Those are his children with a mistake and those kids may or may not be enough of your DH's to counter the shallow polluted end of their gene pool. Only time will tell. What is absolute fact is that your first child is his first child with you, with his life partner, soul mate, and muse. Of course the baby will experience all things in it's life first hand with his father. He won't be watching it on DVD. He will live it. If by first hand you mean ... first in his entire gene pool. You are right. But so what? Every second, third, fourth, etc... child born throughout history and into the infinity of the future is not a first child. There are far more subsequent children born than there are first children. Your child will be both the first and the 3rd. DH's prior spawn get to be only their birth order. Your kid gets the advantages of being both the eldest, and the youngest. Woo hoo!

So the kids never went to live with BM. Boo hoo and so what? Shit happens, things change. Deal with them and move forward. In 8 years you and DH can launch the eldest two and settle down to focus on your children. 8 years is a just a tic on the clock when it comes to kids. Time flies.

Keep in mind that the glass slipper only fits one person. The Clydesdale shoe that was on the XW's hoof is just that, a Clydesdale’s horse shoe. The glass slipper fits only you. Only your son is the heir to the relationship that you and DH have as equity life partners. The Skids benefit but are not a product of the partnership that you and DH have. So, put on the glass slipper that is unique to you and quit trying to nail a giant horse shoe for a Clydsdale on your foot.

As for grieving the life you will never have.... BULLSHIT! WTF is that crap? :? If you want that life then step up and live it. Own it, drive it, and make it happen. If DH turns out to not be the man he must be in order to be your equity life partner then cut your losses and move on to that life you want. Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which hand fills up first. Unless you act to make the life you want happen instead of wishing for it you will have one hand empty and the other with a big old stinking pile of fly attracting shit in it. You will attract nothing but flies and life will be shit. If that is not what you want then quit whining, grieving, being morose and make the life you want happen. Act! Act! Act!

My guess is that when you quit pouting and start acting and leading your DH will step up and make the journey with you. If not, then find the right person who will.

Own it and quit grieving what is not even lost. If you do not make it happen, you will never have it, and if you never have it then it is all on you and nothing has been lost except the time you waste grieving something that never happened.

Step up!!!!

Take care of yourself.

BTW, your OP is very well written. Nearly on a scale of literature. You may consider writing romantic tragedies if you don't make the life you wish for happen. You would probably make $Millions selling bodice ripping romance novels with a tragic slant. Seriously, you could be that good.

I appologize if I am not supportive or sensitive enough in my man's opinion.

Best regards,

I had a daydream of what I wanted for my life as well. When I met my DH I saw a glimmer if that daydream. Then reality smacked me on my ass and told me to pull up my big girl panties and get on with life. I love my DH, 97.8% of the time we are happy. But my life today is not what I thought it would be before I met him. I imagined something more relaxed, secure, and fun. That's not the case. I could leave DH, find someone who has no kids, no bitchy exW, but what problems would come with him? I may not like certain aspects of DH's past but that doesn't control our future together, and I don't want to give up what we have and what we are building now for a daydream that will never truely happen because nothing is 100% perfect. I hope you realize that before it is too late and that you begin to see all the good you have.