Well that's a fine kettle of fish.
I realized today that...I am a bat crazy BM.
I know, I was shocked too. If you ask my ExH he will be honest and tell you lucked out getting me as the BM. I do not argue with him over CO times. You want to see them today? Ok, just please make sure you either get them home for dinner or feed them dinner and get them home by 9 for bed if it's a school night. You need your CS lowered? Why? Ok, lets go to the AG office tomorrow and file all the paperwork needed. I, unlike some BM's out there do not think he should have hand money over to me to the point he is suffering. After all, if his house gets forclosed, where will my children go when they're visiting their dad?
But the new wife...oh yeah to her I am his psycho ex who makes her miseralbe. Yup, she fucking hates me. I really don't know why. I've had very little contact with her. I told her as long as she isn't abusive in any form to my kids we'll be fine. I guess that was me threatening her.
Although, ExH and I have disagreed on disciplin, it's caused arguments. Right now I refuse to let him take the kids out of the country which led to him canceling plans the new wife was looking forward to. When there's an issue I have called ExH to discuss it. Not like we're having walks down memory lane or discussing our personal problems it's always about the kids, but when I call him to discuss these things I'm crazy.
I thought today how funny it is for me to be the crazy BM who just wants to fuck up her life and my kids are the annoying skids who come into her happy little home and disrupt their happy little life.
"I told her as long as she
"I told her as long as she isn't abusive in any form to my kids we'll be fine"
That's a weird reason to hate you. BM here said much the same thing to me (through a 3rd party). I just sort of blinked and said, "Okay". 'Cause, you know, I'm not abusive to kids so... no issue!
Sounds like you might have a crazy SM, actually. They DO exist!
She told ExH that she felt I
She told ExH that she felt I was threatening her. I told him...I guess in a way I was cause you know what's going to happen to her if she touches one hair on their heads. lol
I don't know...I think the first wife club will always be considered "The bat shit crazy bar"
Evil, you have done a lot of
Evil, you have done a lot of wonderful things that both ex and sm should appreciate. And she may be a bit psycho herself, could very well be. But I can see why she would be taken aback by the warning not to abuse your kids. I mean, would you say that to the Brownie troop leader? Or the new Sunday School teacher? or the mom of a kid who has invited yours over for a playdate?
Why the fists-up attitude toward this woman? Does she have a record of violence or child abuse? Why not treat her as any other random adult who ends up in sort of a in loco parentis role for your kids? Do you go around saying this to every teacher at the beginning of every school year?
She should very definitely appreciate your lowering the cs and all that, it's quite wonderful. But why wouldn't she be offended by you assuming she needed to be corralled or she might break out the coat hangers and poisoned apples?
As a smom who was told the
As a smom who was told the same thing by a BM... I can say I saw her point. The brownie leader, Sunday School teacher, mom of a kid who has invited yours over for a playdate - all of them have been approved by ME as mom for my kid to be around. I got to make a judgement call. BM has ZERO say whether her kids are around SM, even completely unsupervised. That's sort of crazy-making for a parent. As SM, I saw that statement for what it was - fear. Not aggression. Because it wasn't about ME at all. And I can have some sympathy for fear for your children, even then when I wasn't a mom yet myself.
I understand your point, too,
I understand your point, too, Ally. But the sm was approved by the dad. And, like it or not, he has just as much say as a mom does. And I just can't believe that every mother personally vets every single adult her child interacts with at all times. You go to school on Sep 1 (or whatever day) and meet a new teacher. By October you may have an idea of whether you like that teacher or not. Yes, sometimes you know something from the year before and you pick the school, but you just don't go in to back-to-school night telling this year's teacher not to abuse your kid.
I have interacted with many new kids in my life and no one has ever said that to me, including BM. If BM HAD said that to me, I would instantly think "If you had treated DH better, I might like you, too" or "Who the hell are you to talk, Madame Neglecto?!!?" I'm too much of a lady to actually say it but I would be thinking it and feel bile around her.
As it is, my BM and I have a cordial relationship and it's all neutral. She's never said anything like to me and I haven't had to have those bile feelings around her.
YMMV
lol The SM was originally a
lol The SM was originally a one nighter who turned up pregnant, and now she is SM. Single men tend to be a little less careful these days with who they stick their dick in. But, in a way it was a good thing.
ExH would not give a divorce, in and out of court for over two years. His lawyer was a family friend, never charged him and kept delaying and delaying. After she got pregnant she told him if he did not divorce me within a certain time frame she would abort. I was talking to DH as friends during this time but would not date until my divorce was final, so bright side my friends!!
More interesting details,
More interesting details, thanks. See below, I already did my mea culpas! And, once again, bowing to you, what a set of circumstances you have got, you have dealt with them like a saint!
I thought the one nighters
I thought the one nighters were supposed to threaten to have a kid, not abort.
Oh no, I totally agree that
Oh no, I totally agree that Dad gets to approve people! It's not like I asked BM's permission to be around her kids, you know?
But that's part of my point about the BM - DAD has final say there. Mom has ZERO. So if my son's teacher hits him? Damn skippy I can make sure it never happens again (and that she does jail time). Same with any other adult he come in contact with... except the SM, because that's totally Dad's call and there is nothing BM can do. (For the record, while I don't *personally* vet every adult my son spends significant time with, I DO at least meet all of them and most of the ones you mentioned have to have background checks to work with children so I know they *have* been vetted by someone.)
I can see your point though, I get where some SM's might think BM was being "aggressive". I'm just saying when I was the SM in question, that's not how I saw it. So I guess I can see everyone's point on this.
I'm useless here, aren't I? On everyone's side... 
Nah, it's all good now. Not
Nah, it's all good now. Not useless. We all agree. Kum-ba-yaaaaah! All together now! Kum-ba-yah! Oh-lo-ord, kum-ba-yah!
LOL!
LOL!
Yes thank you, BM1 and Inbred
Yes thank you, BM1 and Inbred both told me something simular. lol although I'm still not sure of what all Inbred told me that day, something about a goat...or maybe dPPP favorite coat. Oh well, I still got the message.
She spanked my BS9 (6 at the
She spanked my BS9 (6 at the time) with a paddle. Don't get me wrong, I know my little angels can be little assholes, and I spank, not all the time but they have been known to get a whoopin from time to time. No bruises. She left a mark which the daycare saw before I did and called CPS. I understand she has the right to make rules in her house, and if she spanks her children it's none of my buisness. But their father is there, if they need a spanking he needs to give it to them. Not her. Trust me, I have wanted to take my right hand to my skids but I would never do that. I do think when it's a kid who annoys you and is not yours some people...not all...but some have a tendency to not hold back.
If she wants to ground them go for it, if she puts them in time out alright, but no she will not lay a hand to my kids. I have a right to spank, their father has a right to spank, no one else does.
After the CPS came and took reports, she asked to speak with me. So during that meeting...and ExH and DH were there I told her, do not abuse my children in any way, and we'll be just fine. (I had a glass of wine before hand because this was the first time coming into contact with her since seeing my sons leg)
No I don't go around telling everyone that. Well, except that bible school teacher..but he was shady as fuck.
No, jk I know bad joke. But I did tell her. I do try not to be the bat shit crazy BM, I don't want my kids to feel like they are hurting me by loving him, and thankfully she's disengaged since CPS came to investigate her house.
Jesus. You are SO not a
Jesus. You are SO not a crazy BM. I have to say, were I in your shoes, I'd be telling my exH to choose between Psycho SM and his kids because the kids were NOT seeing her again. It's one thing to warn someone preemptively not to abuse my kids, that's my own fear talking and trying to protect them. If I found out someone DID abuse my kids? I would move heaven and earth to make sure that person went to jail, or least that my kids never had to see them again.
Well, jumping' jiminy beans,
Well, jumping' jiminy beans, that IS a whole different kettle of fish!!! If I had known all that I would not have bothered to make that first reply above, it wouldn't be relevant.
Shouldn't be leaving marks on kids no way, no how, especially ones little enough to be in day care, ffs. Spanking in general is a controversial topic I won't open here, but if a SM really wants trouble, yeah, go ahead and lay hands on kids who aren't yours.
I tug my forelock to you, Evil, and humbly back away. Your SM clearly needed something said to her and you handled it with ultimate grace.
Thank you, it took a while
Thank you, it took a while for them to spend the weekend with him again. He would come and pick them up Sat. and Sun. for a few hours. After she finished her anger management and parenting classes I let them spend the night with him again, but they are never to be left alone with her, he understands and if he is called into work on his time he brings them home and I babysit for him until he is off work.
I guess she didn't get her
I guess she didn't get her own memo. That's horrible. I know spanking is hot topic with a lot of people. For me, I use my hand, flat, never on a bare bottom.
lol, if you can get her claws
lol, if you can get her claws out of him you're more than welcomed to him. Just....dont abuse my kids in any way shape or form and we'll be just fine.
Why won't you let him take
Why won't you let him take kids out of country? If BM told me that I'd say "peace out! skid free trip!!!!"
Why won't you let him take
Why won't you let him take kids out of country? If BM told me that I'd say "peace out! skid free trip!!!!"
At this time, I dont think
At this time, I dont think it's safe for them to be crossing the border. I know no one is 100% safe but the Mexican border is particularly dangerous right now. Plus the town his family lives in is very much overruned with cartel and ms13 and the war between the two.
His mother won't even cross into America right now because she's scared of things...that's when I know things are bad.