im feel second but am told im first
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so my fiance wants his 22 y/o sd come work with him . He is working 5 hours away. Sd will have to find childcare and fiance and SD will be sharing a hotel room. Its a construction job.
Me and my bio kids(we do not have kids together) will be staying home. He will be working 3weeks away 3 days home until Christmas. I feel so jaded and I am not sure why! Anyone have any thoughts?
SD single no job supposed to be going to school soon so i guess this job wont interefere? Although he would rather her get a job like his. Im thinking we are only here to fill the void of a relationship that he desperately wants with his daughter.
I don't think that's it.
I don't think that's it. Maybe he just wants some bonding time with his daughter while helping her make and save a little money. Maybe you could go up and visit with them for a weekend every now and then.
I think he does want to bond
I think he does want to bond w/her and make n save some money she is just so mean and wallet sucking to him i just dont see what his motivation is. Although she is a very good looking girl and because its all men there maybe he seeks to hear good things about her and maybe thats the only place he can hear good things? As i am not sure why he would want her to leave her baby at home for 3 weeks with the ex wife makes no sense to me.
If she is not working now do
If she is not working now do you think it is to get her to do something work wise? Maybe give her self worth by having her accomplish something and maybe some direction as to what to do? I might be feeling generous tonight as my fiancee finally did the right thing but it sounds like a possibility.
Yes i agree with notyetsm and
Yes i agree with notyetsm and growupplease, its just he seems to do it in a sly way. The last time he did it i had no
Clue that she was up there workimg with him the ex knew everyone else knew but me! I felt very betrayed because I felt like he was hiding the situation from me!
It is a good thing to get her to work absolutely! However she is such a druggie i think the part that bothers me is its like enabaling her as she earns alot of money on the job yet goes home and continues to lie to fiance and whine and complain about lack of money!
I believe she has applied for a student loan as well and is using that money and her work money. She is a 22 year old mother and woman who needs to grow up and get out of fiances wallet, yet she always just takes the easy lazy road, wants her cake and eat it too! Now i find out fiance wants them all to fly home for Christmas ughhhh if you all recall the last time she was here i was asked by fiance not to show affection towards him etc. we have been living together for 3 years and the reason he asked this of me was because she just wasnt used to us being together!! Crazy!!!
I just dont get how these men give all their power away to their adult children its so pathetic.
I am not saying you do this
I am not saying you do this but recently my fiancee told me something i didn't like and it set me off. He shut down and didn't finish the story so I jumped to a conclusion that was wrong and stayed angry at him for two days. I am wondering if our reactions when they tell us things are the reasons they might stop telling us things. Mine hasn't started doing that but I suspect he will if I am always ready to let my frustration show before he gets his words out.
I sure hope she is more used to now so you can having a loving Christmas. I agree the guilt these parents carry is difficult to understand and having no children of my own it is quick to frustrate me.
So why do you want to marry
So why do you want to marry this guy? I'm sure the "L" word is involved but you do know you will be marrying his druggie attached to the wallet and hip daughter and grandskid as well. You can't change him, her or their weird situation. The grandskid will only become needier and more of a financial and emotional drag in time too. You know what you're getting into so you can't say you havent been warned!
Omg yes catmom4 i soo just
Omg yes catmom4 i soo just said that to him! Wth!!
And yes i too agree with notyet! I soo have flipped out first and it has resulted in a shut down on him and a feeling of resentment and betrayal on my part. It took me days to overcome and explain in a rational manner that honesty about everything is vital to a relationship with me, i may not always like the statements he tells me and i promised to not flip out and just listen and he may not always agree with what i say but and thats natural i think, in a few years from now all the kids (prayin to God) will have moved out grown up and it will just be him and I.
Maybe I'm a dreamer but im not the only one!!
Ahh yes stilllearning!! Trust
Ahh yes stilllearning!! Trust me i have rolled that over in my mind alot! I agree theres no wedding in the near future he is a very reasonable, compassionate responsible man who is genuine, sometimes i may misread and knee jerk and assume he is being calculating and deceiving but i too have to change my "old" thinking habits, that being said i cant wear rose coloured glasses either and pretend. Things take time if a relationship is forever then a wedding can wait the relationship if strong will always forge ahead.
I appreciate your "advice warning" as I am knew to this adult stepskid/grandkid situation, I do have hesitations that this situation will get worse especially should we ever get married! I guess its just taking it day by day and trying to remain cautiously optimistic. i have strong doubts and I think i am a fool to say hopefully one day, but I do say that! Should they come visit at Christmas and the same shit goes on like it has before when she visited and the same "lack of actions or lack or accountability I believe then I will have a clearer picture as to whether this relationship is going to hold up and be a healthy relationship that I should be and want to be in!
Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! I think
Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! I think that is what i feel! I have said that on numerous occassions to him.
I personally think and feel like if he had a better relationship with his kids he would of never bothered with me and my kids!
Anyone else ever feel this or tell me how you relate so maybe i can put my finger on it better so I can have a clearer picture!