I'm not a parent but I know I would be livid if H ever kicked me out of my own bed to cater to his kid.

If he chooses to accommodate his kids wants, then he needs to do it in a way that is respectful towards you.

Additionally.....nothing grosses me out more than a kid in my bed. That would be a major turn off the next time he wanted sexy time with me because all I'd think about is the fact a kid was in my bed.

Time with his child doesn't mean sharing a bed with them. Co-sleeping at this point, when it's never been done before, is so stupid. The kid pushed a boundary to see what would happen (as kids will do) and daddy dearest allowed it.

I would have a come to jesus meeting with your BF and let him know it's not okay to kick you out of your bed. Or to have a child sleep in your bed. That room is for the two of you for sleeping and solidifying your relationship in a physical way. No kids allowed.

Kids like to sleep with parents. As my son told me years ago ... "Well, if I have a nightmare and wake up, you're right there. AND I always have someone to talk to ..." Add the bigger bed, the pets that sleep w/me ... It was Party Central for awhile. Someone once said, referring to getting kids to sleep in their beds, that it was like flying first class and being asked to move back to coach.

That said. You have the right to sleep in your own bed and not on the couch. BF wants to cuddle his son ... cool, the couch is a great place or child's bed ... Most parents have done both. I don't know that feeling hurt is the answer, though. It sounds like BF is merely being thoughtless, selfish or feeling guilty. It's about him.

I wouldn't be okay with being kicked out of my own bed for his child.

Does the child have his own bed at Dad's?

I would've insisted that the kid sleep in his own bed.

Did the kid have a particular reason he wanted to sleep with his dad?

My SD23 was afraid of the dark when she was young; not once did she sleep in our bed nor did my husband sleep with her anywhere else. Kids don't always get what they want.

My DH and I co-slept with our kids before moving in. Both girls co-slept at each parent's house (my BD with my ex or me, my SD with DH or BM). I think we had a couple sleepovers, too, where the girls slept in the middle. As soon as we moved in, though, it stopped. The girls continued co-sleeping when they were with their other parents, but at our house, they had their own beds. My BD was almost 3 at the time, SD was 6 1/2. The tantrums came from my BD only. Or, shall I say, tantrum. It happened ONCE, and when she realized that she would be sleeping in a room by herself (BD and SD shared a room the first two years we all lived together) if she wanted to carry on like that, it did not happen again.

Being firm and consistent is the key, IMO. We don't even allow the kids in our bedroom. Ha.

Father/son time is not very useful at night when they are both asleep. It would be more productive to play games or read together or they both cook or bake or do some chore around the house.

I would point out to SO that sleeping with his son in your bed is not right. Would he like his son to sleep in his mothers bed with her boyfriend/husband? SO should establish a nightime routine... dinner/ bath/ TV/ story. At 4 years old SS4 is old enough for a chapter book. One chapter a night. Or maybe SO can try a white noise machine in his bedroom. This is what keeps my 3 yr old grandson asleep.

It's not in our bed he sleeps when he daughter stays with us..it's in hers.

This started right after we got married. Whenever she's stayed with us, she find some reason to wake up Daddy and for him to come and sit with her for a bit.

At that time she was 8. She is now 12 and doing the same thing. I can hear her walking down the hallway, she'll just open our bedroom door without knocking (and we've discussed this with her..that she should knock..that flew over like a lead balloon..), "Daddy, I can't sleep..could you come sit with me for a bit?"

So he gets up and sits with her for a bit and then once she falls asleep..he comes back to bed.

That was fine for the week..but it was always on the last day that she said, "Daddy..since it's my last day here..could you stay with me all night??"

Fine.

It's gotten worse though as NOW at the age of 12, she's gotten smarter and once she falls asleep and "Daddy" is no longer sleeping next to her on the floor in the sleeping bag..she'll come back into our bedroom AGAIN saying, "Daddy..I woke up and you weren't there...will you come and sit with me some more??"

I've gotten to the point that he may as well spend every night in there with her. Tired of hearing her creep down our hallway..open our bedroom door without knocking and just walking right into our bedroom. Oftentimes I have to elbow my hubby and tell him that his daughter is standing on the side of our bed looking for him to get up yet again and play Disney Daddy.

I've talked to him about it and his reply is always, "What am I supposed to do..she's my daughter??" My reply used to be, "And I'm your wife.."

I'm done asking and have learned to sleep alone when she's here. Not that it makes me happy but, having no children of my own, when his kids are here, they rule the roost..

Which is an entirely different post..

When I moved in with my partner SD was 2 and a bit, and whilst she had from birth been with her dad full time, BM had recently won the custody based on lost time and his shifts (shortly before I moved in).
The result? A confused toddler who missed her dad like crazy so when she was with him wanted to be with him all the time, he would put her down in her own bed but more often than not she would come through and sneak into his bed.
Well ofcourse when I moved in, that meant her climbing into our bed and I was not too comfortable about that one. How did I resolve it? I simply had a conversation with my partner about it, I told him it made me uncomfortable, explained that to me our bed is our space and whilst it is one thing for SD to come to us should she wake up I dont want her sleeping with us. I explained that I get that its only a few hours a night and isnt all the time but what happens 1 year from now? 2 years from now? When does it stop being acceptable and start being weird for a child to be sleeping with its parents.

For me thats all it took, my partner told me that if I woke and he didnt when SD came in to us then to wake him so he could put her back to bed, which I did. It started to happen less and less and now doesnt happen at all.

So basically its natural not to want to share your intimate space with a child. But if your partner cannot understand or respect that, then you have bigger issues in your relationship than sleeping arrangements. You have an issue with your entire relationship status.