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Wow, just wow!

Maganamitre04's picture

So my SS9 has his room in our basement, mind you it's a beautiful fully finished basement with a fireplace, kitchenette and full size bathroom. It's not a "dungeon", it's huge, but I just woke up (3am here) and heard him still on his play station. I told him it's time for bed, I thought he didn't here me and continued playing, so I said it again "time for bed it's 3am". With an attitude "I know I'm saying goodbye to my friends". I responded "I know you are not giving me a attitude, it's late and I'm sure you're dad doesn't want you up this late." His response "I'm not I just saying bye to my friends", ok no problem.

i don't think his dad cares because when we were going to bed it was 1am and I told him to check on his son and he came back up and said he's laying in his bed on his phone. Clearly... telling him to go to bed and him being on his phone was ok, but who to say that him sneaking on while we sleep is acceptable?!?! 

So, my husband wakes up and goes to the bathroom and I go to lay down and I asked him to make sure (cause sometimes he lies and says he let his son play for "5 more mins" but that never happens cause he'll stay up till whenever) so I asked, he said no I told him it's time for bed. I told him maybe you DONT care that he's up this late but I woke up and he was on. So I told him to go to bed. My husband got mad at me and left the room to go lay on the couch! I'm like what the fuck, your mad at the wrong person here! Then I hear him go down stairs. All of a sudden I here racing up to the room he swings the door open and yells at me " don't you ever and I mean ever talk to my son that way ever again (relays to me what I told his son about not giving me an attitude)! I am fucking floored, like wow!!!! You really don't give a shit about your child being up and yet gave attitude while I told him to turn it off and go to bed, so your gonna talk to me like this. 
 

At this point, I'm done! Him and his son can both leave my home. I see exactly what the deal is. He may not be my kid but he's a kid and this isn't a vacation, it's late (also when he's up this late he sleeps to 2/3pm the next day) and not even my own teenage daughter is up this late. But that's cool, I just received the zero respect for me, this home and apparently his son can do no wrong in his eyes! 
 

No problems I'm just WOWED at this point! I definitely don't deserve to be treated like I'm a piece of crap!!  

Comments

thinkthrice's picture

is permissive NON parenting.  Do NOT let Dad tapdance his way into staying!!! It only gets worse.  This will happen to ANY partner/spouse that he happens to hook up with so it's not just you...you're just wearing the name tag right now.

You have been warned.

SteppedOut's picture

Yea. Time for them to leave. Clearly he forgot who owns the home. Funny how things become so "ours" in their mind when they didn't have to pay a damn thing. 

Eff getting distespected like that.

hereiam's picture

His son should be in trouble for giving you attitude.

You have every right to have a say on what goes on in your own home, inlcuding a 9 year old not being up all night playing video games. I don't care if he's your son or not, you are the adult in the home. Apparently, the only one, and disrespected by both of them.

SeeYouNever's picture

Entitled Brats, the both of them. You need to remind them whose house it is. 

Yelled at for being a parent when he won't, wow is right.

justmakingthebest's picture

My SS20 has issues with this. If I know he was up late (I have cameras in my house now) I make his butt get up at 8 am. I make him spend LOTS of family time. He will be grumpy and whiny (he is autistic and age adjusted to 13). I just put on my biggest smile and let it all roll off. If he tries to go up to his room, I tell him no. That he made a bad choice by staying up until 3am and now he has the consequence of having to readjust his schedule. 

We play board games, do yard work, cleaning the house, we watch Disney movies (he hates), he isn't allowed to sleep through it because DH and I keep talking to him. LOL 

It is a miserable day but it gets it through his head for a couple of months that he does have to turn off his TV and go to bed at a decent time. 

SMto2's picture

Wow, just wow is right! No, you don't and shouldn't have to put up with that! I agree if that's where you are, your DH needs to go live somewhere else where he can let his disrespectful, filthy son stay up all night without bothering you. BTW, my DS12 is also bad about sneaking back on video games after we say it's bedtime. He's my & DH's bio, however, and we're on the same page this is unacceptable. And my DS would NEVER give either of us attitude, or that gaming system would be thrown out his second floor window! You have multiple problems here that just escalated--not just your DH being a shitty parent to SS, but him allowing SS to treat you like that and then your DH talking to you like that! No, ma'am. Last night would be their last night in MY house, and I'd be telling DH to pack his things and take his brat and get out. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

To a certain extent, I feel your pain.  However, when this was a problem with my YSS my DH stepped up and parented.  He repeated shut down the noise and never accused me of hating YSS.  Even with DH's full support the situation was driving me insane.  Finally DH and I decided that we needed to launch YSS.  Due to the ridiculous cost of living in the city we live in, this involved subsidising YSS rent, etc but it was worth it.

The other thing that DH did is that he wouldn't let YSS blame me for him being launched.  He also made sure YSS understood that I was the one who insisted that he live with us when his relationship with his mother and brothers broke down when he was 15/16.

Moving out of the family home and sharing with other people his own age really helped YSS to grow up.  He finally used some of the things we had tried to teach him about life over the years that he lived with us. (Cooking, cleaning, washing up, flushing the toilet consistantly, etc, etc)

I do realise that DH is an absolute gem and I'm beyond lucky but this is what a true partner should be doing.  If your DH can't at the very minimum ensure you can get a decent nights sleep then you have a problem.

 

Kes's picture

Whoever thinks it's OK for a 9 yr old to have access to electronics at 3am needs their head examining.  But the worse thing is how he spoke - or rather shouted - at you about it - that was unbelievable.   Thank goodness it's your house - you can tell the both of them to be gone and never darken your doors again.   

Left out mama's picture

Holy cow! A big  nope nope nope... pack their stuff and tell em both "best of luck" 

not a chance in hell would I EVER allow anyone to speak to me like that. 
you need to end this now! Your DH basically just laid it out that you have no authority in YOUR home and ss can do what he wants, when he wants, and will be rewarded for being an a?$hole to you. 
pandemic or no pandemic, they need to leave now. Your DH is abusive and is teaching is son to abuse you. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

At least you now know what you're good for: three hots, a cot, and a bod. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Kee-khe's picture

I surely hope you took action and kicked them the hell out. I cannot believe he had the AUDACITY to yell at you!! I would be PISSED. 

shamds's picture

I don’t care if hubby is at work, he gets a rundown of what happened and told “to deal with it!!”

when sd’s answered me back regarding inappropriate things they did to me toddlers, hubby was told off in private and told his eldest daughter (24) that she is never to answer back woth lip service. What i say, goes!! Hubby will back me up 100% and he told his daughter how rude and disrespectful she was to me (hubby trusted what i said) because he has seen with his own eyes how his kids treat him like nothing but an ATM...

ss so called gives an apology to me with a massive smirk and mumbling the whole time, hubby is told and he immediately is telling ss off...

your ss talked back to you, that is rude, disrespectful and 100% inappropriate. Your partner should have rained hell on his kid but instead its “how dare you!!” 

If my hubby ever talked like this to me, as an aussie he would get a total eff u

Maganamitre04's picture

Thank you all for all the input! I know in this situation I'm not wrong, at all. And I stood my ground, as an adult, to speak up when my SS try to give me attitude. Actually, I was being very nice about it too. If that were my daughter... Man she would have had a earful from me! But since he's not mine, I called him on his attitude! 
 

Nevertheless, it's a new day, and I'm have done EXACTLY what was needed for my sanity. I ask him to leave and take his Spawn with him. If he wants to discuss any further he can call me later or another day. But for the mean time, he can have his visitation elsewhere and I don't deserve to be treat with the disrespect from or his ungrateful, enabled, spoiled brat! It's my home and I deserve peace. 
 

Im sure I'll be posting updates, another day! Lolol 

 

1- for Team ME

0- for Team Assholes 

Cover1W's picture

Good for you. DH doesn't agree with how I would like to parent, but he's never, and would never, ever do something like that to me.  He'd be gone.  Good luck and stay strong!