There quite a few on this site who deal with manipulating adult step kids like that.

I don't deal with it because my SD23 knows that if she ever said that to my husband, he would say, "Okay, that's your choice."

I also thought that the BM's re-entry has something to do with this. As the others have said this is common manipulative behavior among adult children of divorced parents. Personally I think its having watched enforced separation via divorce as a solution to life's problems they take up the method themselves.

Yes you are lucky in that your husband is standing by your side in this ridiculous behavior. The best way to end it the quickest is to completely cut off all communication with her on both of your parts. Nothing, ignore all incoming and initiate no outgoing until she clearly reaches out. This removes all power from her and she must find some other way to manipulate the two of you. To do that she must be in communication. Once re-established, after years sometimes, weeks for others, you two can deal with her as needed.

SD used to try, but DH doesn't put up with it. She doesn't do it anymore that I know of, but I stay uninvolved in their relationship.

Awwee poor Veruca Salt

It sounds very familiar. It sounds very close to my current situation. My bf has 2 daughters and they both manipulate him and verbally abuse him. They both have children. We have put them up a few times, with no respect or appreciation. So, we don't allow them to stay here anymore. I have been thrown under the bus many times by both of his girls. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 yrs. Recently, his one daughter asked to move she, her boyfriend, and a baby into the house. The fact that she had the audacity to ask, even after she lived her, never cleaned, never did the dishes, and did not respect others.....she asked. I suggested a 3 month trial. She was upset...."They couldn't afford a 3 month trial." and accused me of causing a family rift. I am done with giving of my time and energy if it is not appreciated or respected. I was the one who made the decision to tell her that she cannot come into our home. I just won't have it anymore. Unfortunately, I realize that this may be a deal breaker for me and my honey. He is continuing to spend time with her. He says that he will not allow her to talk badly about me, but he is already showing her that she can treat me however she wants and daddy will still be there. It is quite a pickle. The bottom line is, it is up to us. All you can do is keep the lines of communication open with your honey. It sounds like you two have a united plan. I think that you are handling it well. Dad has to be strong, or his little girl will never learn to grow up. I am glad he is on the same page with you.

...The better question is...
...Anyone here who's stepdaughter doesn't manipulate father?

Actually we are going through the same thing....It really is their choice, their loss..I have such disdain for people who use their children as weapons to hurt other people...It is about as low as you can go in my opinion...

I don't foresee us ever getting together w/adult offspring again...They have robbed their father of the bonding time with his grandchildren...and also robbed their children of the blessings that come from interacting with their grandparents...

Adults who play God with peoples lives like that pay a huge price in the end. It cost them more that they will ever know in the long run...

OC is right about the stare but if that's the only price to pay for meeting other family members that we care about, it's not a big price to pay. What's painful about these situations is that they put a price on every family intimacy where you have relations in common with the one that you do not want to relate to. There's a danger of evaluating every such relationship in light of how worthwhile it is compared to the pain of meeting the other person unnecessarily. That's why it's very important to keep up vibrant separate relationship with family members whom one values.

Of course we all have. It is the nature of the beast. Manipulation, positioning, etc....

Do not tolerate it, smack it in to submission, hold your DH accountable for maintaining focus on your marriage rather than his toxic manipulative early 30's spawn.

Good luck.

Oh yes, my bitch SD did the same thing. She called DH screaming and yelling, telling him how horrible I am and that he's a bad father, blah blah blah. So the dumb bitch tells him she wants nothing to do with him and will never speak to or see him again unless he divorces me. Haha bitch. Not going to work. We are renewing our vows next year! Life has been so peaceful without her. She's really spoiled and entitled and now BM can have her little psycho princess all to herself. Did I mention that this girl is 30 years old?