Even if I didn't have a son, I would not consider my SKs family. They are no different than my son's friends. I care about them and want the best for them, but they aren't family.
We are a family. Period. It's me (42) my DD7, my DF (Fiance 43) and SS9. Add to that my BS23 and BS 24, my DD7 father and his wife, my two BS father and his family.
We are all tied together and family and we get along great.
Next weekend, my FIRST exhusband, his girlfriend, our son and my NEW family (my fiance, daughter and step son) are renting a house together on a lake.
I was thinking about this after someone asked what 'my family' was doing this weekend...meaning me, FDH and SD10. We've all been together for about seven years, living together for one (SD is 50/50). I don't feel like we are family yet, but maybe that's because we're not married and SD is only with us half of the time.
I guess I'm wondering if people who are married,and live with their skids full time or part time with no kids of their own, but are somewhat disengaged, still feel like a family. Maybe it's not an easy 'yes' or 'no' answer.
I think I'd eventually like to feel like a family because once my parents are gone it's the only one that I'll have. It's just that with SD having a 'real' mom, it makes it difficult to feel this way.
"A family in terms of what is really the question for me."
Yeah, there are so many aspects to what makes up a family. In most of our step situations, I guess I'm talking about unification. Would we 'band together' when things got tough, for instance, a death in the family, or if one of us got sick.
I see a lot of posters refer to their skids as 'visitors'. I wouldn't really consider visitors part of my family.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that it just depends on whether or not steps truly care about each other...seems kinda simple. You need to feel bonded to have a strong family unit.
I was also thinking about correctly portraying our family unit, and how it is perceived by others. I really shouldn't give a shit what anyone thinks, I just don't want to confuse anyone.
BTW, your SIL and SS sound a bit wacked, and I'm sorry you have to deal with this...I hope your DH is supportive, (this can make all the difference!).
StepAside - I think trust is one of the words I was looking for when thinking about feeling secure with people enough to consider them family...thanks.
DH is my family along with my BS. When I think of my family its them 2.
DH's kids are not my family. At one time I felt like they were family but that was brief. And that was until I realized that to be "family" with them I had to do it THEIR way.
DH has his family- his kids.
He probably thinks of us all as one family- me, him, his kids, my kid, his grandkids. But he is stupid.
I see the connections as Me and DH, DH and SD, Me, DH and BS, and SD and BS as half siblings. But I don't/never will consider SD part of my "family". Not with her being in her BM's life. And simply her not being my child. She means just about as much to me as a neighbor kid. Wouldn't make any difference if she is/isn't in my life.
Oh jeez, that's funny but so not funny at the same time. I can certainly relate now and then.
I think I would feel more like we are family if I parented SD, but she has a mom, and I've chosen not to take on that role. I believe it would just add to existing complications.
Yep. My bride, the kid (my SKid) and me are a family. We have been since we started dating when SS was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2.
Would you feel differently if
Would you feel differently if you didn't have your BD?
Even if I didn't have a son,
Even if I didn't have a son, I would not consider my SKs family. They are no different than my son's friends. I care about them and want the best for them, but they aren't family.
THIS My SKs(7,9,17 &23,) are
THIS
My SKs(7,9,17 &23,) are normal kids. We get along just fine, but they aren't my family.
Yes! We have 3 families
Yes! We have 3 families living in one home. Me, dh and our child. Me & my kids, him & his kids
We are a family. Period.
We are a family. Period. It's me (42) my DD7, my DF (Fiance 43) and SS9. Add to that my BS23 and BS 24, my DD7 father and his wife, my two BS father and his family.
We are all tied together and family and we get along great.
Next weekend, my FIRST exhusband, his girlfriend, our son and my NEW family (my fiance, daughter and step son) are renting a house together on a lake.
Check your egos at the door.....
Thanks for the replies. I was
Thanks for the replies.
I was thinking about this after someone asked what 'my family' was doing this weekend...meaning me, FDH and SD10. We've all been together for about seven years, living together for one (SD is 50/50). I don't feel like we are family yet, but maybe that's because we're not married and SD is only with us half of the time.
I guess I'm wondering if people who are married,and live with their skids full time or part time with no kids of their own, but are somewhat disengaged, still feel like a family. Maybe it's not an easy 'yes' or 'no' answer.
Fragmented is a very
Fragmented is a very appropriate term for step-life!
Skids are not my family.
Skids are not my family.
Nice straight-forward
Nice straight-forward answer.
I think I'd eventually like to feel like a family because once my parents are gone it's the only one that I'll have. It's just that with SD having a 'real' mom, it makes it difficult to feel this way.
"A family in terms of what is
"A family in terms of what is really the question for me."
Yeah, there are so many aspects to what makes up a family. In most of our step situations, I guess I'm talking about unification. Would we 'band together' when things got tough, for instance, a death in the family, or if one of us got sick.
I see a lot of posters refer to their skids as 'visitors'. I wouldn't really consider visitors part of my family.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that it just depends on whether or not steps truly care about each other...seems kinda simple. You need to feel bonded to have a strong family unit.
I was also thinking about correctly portraying our family unit, and how it is perceived by others. I really shouldn't give a shit what anyone thinks, I just don't want to confuse anyone.
BTW, your SIL and SS sound a bit wacked, and I'm sorry you have to deal with this...I hope your DH is supportive, (this can make all the difference!).
It's certainly nice to hear
It's certainly nice to hear that it can work! I suppose most everyone has to have a level head for this to be the case.
StepAside - I think trust is
StepAside - I think trust is one of the words I was looking for when thinking about feeling secure with people enough to consider them family...thanks.
DH is my family along with my
DH is my family along with my BS. When I think of my family its them 2.
DH's kids are not my family. At one time I felt like they were family but that was brief. And that was until I realized that to be "family" with them I had to do it THEIR way.
DH has his family- his kids.
He probably thinks of us all as one family- me, him, his kids, my kid, his grandkids. But he is stupid.
Lol-ing at your last
Lol-ing at your last sentence. Isn't that just the simple truth at times...
I think DH sees us as a
I think DH sees us as a family. I don't.
My family is DH and myself, and his parents, sister, brother and my folks. SD doesn't factor in.
Sad, but I feel like she is an interloper that disrupts the flow. Until she stops seeing me as the enemy, it'll never happen. (BM will never allow it)
.
.
Based on my situation as it
Based on my situation as it stands, no.
I see the connections as Me and DH, DH and SD, Me, DH and BS, and SD and BS as half siblings. But I don't/never will consider SD part of my "family". Not with her being in her BM's life. And simply her not being my child. She means just about as much to me as a neighbor kid. Wouldn't make any difference if she is/isn't in my life.
DH sees us all as a family.
DH sees us all as a family.
But I feel like a stray dog circling a camp hoping I get thrown a scrap and no one kicks me.
Oh jeez, that's funny but so
Oh jeez, that's funny but so not funny at the same time. I can certainly relate now and then.
I think I would feel more like we are family if I parented SD, but she has a mom, and I've chosen not to take on that role. I believe it would just add to existing complications.
Yep. My bride, the kid (my
Yep. My bride, the kid (my SKid) and me are a family. We have been since we started dating when SS was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2.
Wow, I'm so sorry your FDH's
Wow, I'm so sorry your FDH's family has treated you this way. It seems their loyalties are very misplaced!!