what is wrong with him??!??
We had a fight last night because it was of course a visitation day and my fiance is always in a bad mood when his daughter is around. She apparently "didnt feel well" and slept the majority of her "visit". I avoided home for the entire 4 hours.
I told my fiance flat out that i do not want SD13 living with us after the age of 18. If she ever grows up and decides she isnt "scared" or "uncomfortable" about sleeping over at our house the she is welcome for visits, etc. but she will not live with us full time because i know she will never be employable or financially contribute in any way to the household.
He got all pissy and said "you cant tell me i cant have a relationship with my daughter".
Ummmm....how is telling him i dont want his adult child living with us equivalent to me telling him he cant have a relationship with her?
He is the one who doesnt force visits. He is the one who often says he "cant deal with her" which is why he doesnt fight and force the visits.
I said its no different than him not wanting my mother to live with us. (of course in that scenario, i dont want my mom living with us either).
Was i wrong here?
You weren't wrong at all.
You weren't wrong at all. Basically what you were trying to tell him is that you would not bring a person in to live in your home who would bring strain on your relationship (i.e., your mother), and you expect the same from him (i.e., SD).
What's the point in starting
What's the point in starting a fight now about something that may or may not happen in five years?
it came up in the course of
it came up in the course of an argument about SD in general.... my fiance is always in a bad mood on days she is over.
this exact thing is sorta
this exact thing is sorta what started the fight.
ive asked and asked my fiance to get her out of the house, even for one of the visit days each week. its not fair i have to avoid home. he of course argues that he shouldnt have to avoid home with her either. he refuses to compromise. we have SD twice during the week for 4 hours at a time. im always the one that either has to avoid home or hide out in my room.
Ive asked him to even just disappear for an hour, for a walk, something. but because SD doesnt want to spend any time outside they dont leave. her mother takes her to the movies constantly so there is nothing they can go see that she hasnt already seen. he wont take her out to eat because she doesnt deserve it and has horrid table manners.
it sucks.
He's just deflecting the
He's just deflecting the argument. I.e. he didn't answer to your statement but tried to change the subject. You've made your point, he heard you, you can drop it for now as 18 is a ways off.
Why do men feel like children
Why do men feel like children should know right from wrong without teaching them ~ and reprimanding these kids !
Are they too lazy ??? Don't care ?? Don't believe it's there job ??? Wtf !!
If you have a kid it's your job to parent the darn kid ~ it's not society's responsibility to raise you kid !!
This infuriates me ~ the minute the kid takes it's first breath ~ you are obligated to teach that kid morals n manners plain n freakin simple. Teaching them means disciplining them as well.
he wont walk away, but he
he wont walk away, but he wont parent her either.
its always the line of "that's my daughter".
lately she has been full on crying and running to her therapist because she has no friends. i believe my fiance is playing into this nonsense. the kid has no friends because she's rude, selfish, zoned out on her devices, does poorly in school and her friends have become distancing themselves from what they (and their parents) are perceiving as the bad seed.
she goes to top performing, wealthy public school. the kids there are for the most part serious students where the expectation is college. my SD is a screw up and the other kids see it. no one wants to be associated with the kid that is always asked to move up front because she's not paying attention, or the kid that routinely blows off homework, starts and activity then quits, etc.
this is all crystal clear to me.
SD15 has also been dealing
SD15 has also been dealing with the issue of lack of friends. DH noticed Sunday that SD15 didn't have any gauges in her ears. She tried to claim that they are too much of a problem with color guard. DH said he thought that is why she just had to have the clear silicone ones she begged for just a couple of months ago (claimed that when she accidentally bonked herself in the head with the flag, the others hurt...also that she needed colorless ones). Here was SD15's response (exact words here): "Well, I haven't really been wearing them, and trying to let the holes go back to normal. I'm trying to conform so that maybe everyone in guard will like me again." Really? You think they don't like you because you wear gauges or because of the way you look? No, they don't like you because of your attitude!! They don't like you because you act like you are better than they are, and you talk crap behind their backs! I wanted to die when she said that!
Bwahahaha...had to do an edit here! No sooner I typed the above, I go out to throw a bottle away, and SD15 has put her expanders back into her ears! The girl is so full of it! I wanted to say something like, "I thought you were trying to 'conform'?" I just walked away, and laughed typing this!
i guess in some ways he's
i guess in some ways he's doing the right thing...not walking away when everyone else is. but he's not helping her by not telling her what the problem is.
i cant and wont sit there and fake it with her. everything ive read to date states that kids (esp. step kids) know when you are faking likeness/affection of them. so i just avoid her.
Yup! Does them no favors to
Yup! Does them no favors to pretend that everything is chocolate and roses! As parents, these dads are supposed to be something solid in their daughters' lives, but it doesn't do any good if they pretend that their princesses' crap doesn't stink! I'm not saying be mean, but at some point they need to sit their daughters down and explain to them life, which includes the fact you can't go around treating people like crap and expect they will like you...you can't be a loner and expect people to like you. At some point, you need to become a functional part of society, which it doesn't sound like either of our SDs are!
Now that's a pivotal moment ~
Now that's a pivotal moment ~ if a peer of hers called her out on her actions or lack there of. Kudos to you n the SD's friend !!!