Hi

I have 4 kids and my SO has two. SO has recently moved in with us though we've been together 6 years and have lived together before (then lived separately for a few years due to work commitments). He has his kids e/o weekend and some of the holidays. He used to have his kids here but now that he lives with us he has then in their home town a couple of hours away (works well..he gets quality time with his kids, I get quality weekend time with mine and we don't have to put up with a six-kid household every two weeks).

So, this weekend he decides he's going to take his kids camping while he's there. So, he asks me if I can ask my ex for his sleeping bag. They're on good terms, he could ask himself but it's easier to put me in the middle! Only knows the meaning of the word boundaries when it suits him! He then says, at the dinner table in front if my kids, "oh, yeah, where are the other two sleeping bags, I need those for the kids". They belong to my daughters (a gift from their Grandma) and I see my daughter's face drop.

So the next day I casually mention to him that he might want to ask permission before taking the sleeping bags.

So, today, he us preparing his stuff to leave and he goes to ask my 14 year-old for her sleeping bag. She says "I don't know". I don't hear the rest of the conversation but he comes down, tells me he doesn't need to borrow anything from anyone and storms off. Nice way to start the weekend!

I then lose the plot, and scream at my daughter. Wrong, I know (not her fault he stormed off instead if just letting me talk to her).

So on one hand I feel embarrassed that my daughter has essentially said no to his kids borrowing her sleeping bag and in the other hand I feel that is her prerogative.

When he called to apologise for storming out, I tried to explain that my kids can't be expected to feel the same way about his kids as they do about him. They would do anything for him but not necessarily for his kids. But that just offended him even more.

I try to explain to my kids that it must be tough for his kids always having to borrow stuff from us (they ALWAYS arrive without key things like hairbrushes, swimsuits, etc and my kids always have to loan their things) but sometimes I feel like my kids also have it tough. They share their space, their toys, their clothes and it never happens the other way round.

I had to buy his daughter a new hairbrush a month ago and he was really upset that I wasn't happy about her borrowing mine. All four of my kids had had lice earlier that month and I did NOT want to take the chance if her getting them. Then, despite me telling her to leave the brush here, she takes it home and two weeks later comes asking me to borrow a brush again. And he felt it was unreasonable for me to be upset.

Now that they will be spending a lot less time here (apart from another whole week soon) these problems will be less frequent but how do I get it across to SO that borrowing things is a privilege and not a divine right!

Or am I completely wrong here?

Help!