Good question indeed. When I first met DH and SD14 she was 12 at the time and totally running her parents lives. I mean, SHE was the boss of everything. We got along for the most part in the beginning, but it was due to me biting my tongue and remaining completely silent about her behavior. Once things got serious between her dad and I, she started pushing because she felt threatened and I started pointing out to DH that she was ruling him.

I ONLY stayed because he finally put his foot down and retained control over his life and our relationship. If he'd continued to give in to her every demand, we'd no longer be together (because one of her demands was that we not be together because she was 'uncomfortable' with daddy dating anyone so soon after the divorce - a year!).

I chose to remain in the relationship, got engaged and then married ONLY because clear boundaries were set and he finally started behaving like a father instead of this girl's best friend. She was a mini wife to him and he put a stop to that promptly.

I do feel for those whose DH's allow their SD/SS's to run everything and put them on a pedestal because they're guilty for not having an intact family with the BM's anymore. I didn't stand for it and until things changed permanently, was ready to hit the road. No one deserves to play second fiddle to a spoiled rotten child!

Just sayin...

I think it depends on the ages of the kids, honestly. If they're adults, it doesn't matter as much. It still makes life difficult, but it's nowhere near the same as when it's a small child.

Had I hated SD years ago, I would NEVER have married her father. Sure, I loved him and wanted a life with him, but I cannot imagine subjecting myself, SD, and her father to my hate. What a miserable way to live. (SD was 2 when we got together, and 4 when we married.)

Anyway, I think hating someone's minor children and expecting to live a "happily ever after" with them is sheer stupidity and ignorance.

I'm indifferent to my SS8 at this point.
I almost walked though because I HATED the whole situation--I still do hate the situation but through disengagement, I've learned to cope much better. But anyway, here's the thing that I sometimes think: If I'd waited just one more year before marrying DH, I would not have done it.

SS8 was 4 when DH and I started dating seriously. Ages 4 & 5, he was okay in part because 1-that's when I learned he wasn't DH bio kid so I thought the involvement wouldn't be too much, 2-he was so young and I find it hard to dislike really young kids & 3-DH didn't involve me much so I only saw him 1x per week or sometimes 2. But around age 6, 2 things happened right at the time of Marriage: 1- BM got a lapband surgery and 2-SS started showing his ass.

I had come to understand that BM rarely had the kid with her -he was often with a sitter here or there and when she started losing weight, she started feeling herself and went nuts, going out to party from Thursday-Sunday, literally every weekend. The other days she was 'at the gym' so she was always dumping him on us as she'd wore out her other sitters. DH and I didn't live together before marriage and since he works 6 days per week, he didn't have him overnight often. But after marriage, guess who was home--MOI? Guess who became Auto-Sitter? MOI.

Instead of thinking this was getting out of hand, DH LOVED it! He was so happy he could spend more time with his "Boy". Well he still worked 6 days a week so *I* was the one spending time with this Boy. Before long, this random kid went from being someone I'd see for 2-3 hours 1x or 2x per week to someone I was dealing with or babysitting 3-5 times per week, 2-4 overnights included. Every Holiday, school break or workday, our first anniversary, weekend getaways, etc on top of that.

By this time, SS personality was revealing itself and showed him to be a full fledged, fat-faced, nasty-toed sh*tty allergy-infested brat. And DH was showing himself to be weak, indulgent and annoying and I was losing respect for him every time I watched him catering to this kid. BM meanwhile was quite content with the set-up and became more and more brazen, making constant requests for money, for us running all across the city in special errands, etc. I was hating the kid, DH and the BM and myself for getting into this sh*t.

If nothing had changed, such as us having to move 4 hrs away and me disengaging and (FINALLY) DH starting to realize this sh*t was all f*cked up how he was acting and how he was catering to the Wildebeest and her misc-f*cking-laneous brat, then today I'd not be on this board--I'd be done with it all. I could NOT and would NOT live a lifetime like this, waiting on the kid to 'grow up' or learn he wasn't related or any of the above. I was getting out. And I still will if it ever reverts or fails to continue to improve. I'm not giving up on happiness at my young age, esp over a child that doesn't even belong to DH...

Hate is a pretty strong emotion and I'm not sure I could be with someone if I truly hated their kids. Nor would I want to be with someone who hated my kids (if I had any).

What would happen if the kid had to come live with you guys for some reason?

It depends on the bioparent's actions and response to why the SP hates the skid.

If the bioparent understands that their child is a monster and the reasons the SP cannot tolerate the child, then there's hope. If the bioparent is blind to all the problems or buys into the guilt trip, then you might as well walk away immediately.

Someone has to go. I banned former SD from my home and for a while that did work, until her dad fell into guilty daddy mode and there was no hope after that. Even though his daughter wanted nothing to do with him and told him to burn in Hell on a regular basis.

I can't explain how relieved I am that I am not alone in felling this, or even thinking about it.

My girlfriend has 4 boys (aged 8, 7, 5 and nearly 2) and frankly they are so much work I am knackered all the time. I don't mean the usual parenty jobs that one expects, but something more like being a care worker.

For example, the 5 year old can hardly speak and if he doesn't get what he wants he poos his pants on purpose. The 8 year old is very much a bully and takes great delight in hurting people and breaking stuff. The 7 year old was born very prematurely and as a consequence has a lot of developmental issues, and his favourite hobby is smashing things and killing animals. The youngest is very behind his peers, but mote worryingly is copying his oldest two brothers violent behaviour.

The problem is I don't know what to do.... I care very much for my girlfriend but only.each of these skids would be enough to break someone's spirit (I have tried to keep it succinct as to their qualities) but all four? I literally feel ill thinking about having to be around them, I hate myself so much for feeling so negatively about kids but they make me glad they are not biologically mine.

I have purposely stopped seeing my family because I was so embarrassed by my stupid decision to try to humanise these kids. They haven't met their auntie (my only sister) because I'm ashamed of them and know they'll trash her house or hurt my sister's children.

I don't blame my girlfriend as she had a shit upbringing as her parents didn't "parent" if you know what I mean, but we struggle to agree on how to.help raise the kids. I believe in clear firm boundaries, with meritocracy being the route of reward. She is a little more laid back (and also shattered) and I don't even follow where her boundaries are for the kids. She gets them everything they want because she can't deal with their whinging and moaning when they don't whereas I file it under "tough".

I care.about my weird family.but Ho.early wonder why I am literally running myself into the ground for brats who will never reciprocate the effort we put in.

No GoodAtThis.....
Hon sorry but you need to run and FAST!!!
The 7 yo likes killing animals?!?! Does he also wet the bed and like setting fires? Doesn't matter killing animals a HUGE red flag!!!
That's sociopathic and future serial killer in training type behavior. And mom gives them everything?! What she needs to be getting them is some serious psychiatric help!!!